I'm beginning to think I'll never have a Boyfriend

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Cockneyrebel,

Don't feel bad. I am in my 30's and I have only had one relationship. I feel just like you do. I am obviously not what guys want. Like you, I dress very conservative. I don't wear tight jeans, low cut tops, mini skirts, or high heels. I don't feel comfortable in those kinds of clothes. I also don't giggle and blush and act all ditzy like a lot of girls like to do around guys.

My one and only boyfriend that I ever had, came from another country and was from a different culture. So due to the cultural differences, he probably was not fully able to pick up on my oddness and quirkiness. So it's not a hopeless case. Mr. Right might be out there for you somewhere. He might not be in Canada. He might be some British guy with an interest for buses.

I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but I never cease to be amazed at how guys fall all over themselves for some bimbo who talks in a high-pitched, soft baby,girl voice (I'm expecting to hear "goo-goo, gaah, gaah," any minute), giggles and acts clueless and helpless and dresses in tight, skimpy clothes. It really doesn't even seem to matter if she's actually pretty! If she acts like she is and behaves in the aforementioned manner, she will enthrall the typical male. I have observed this all of my life and I detest it. It makes both sexes look like dimwits. But I must say, I don't appreciate the women who act this way because I think that they are perpetuating an ignoble stereotype. I have a theory that these girls are the "little princess" types who never grew out of their "be cute for Daddy" stage. They almost act as a prized terrier, doing tricks and performing for treats. "Look guys, I can talk with a lisp and wheedle and whine when I want somehthing!" or "Look guys, I am helpless and needy and I'll shake my bottom in these painted on low-risers for some approval from you!"

(sorry, I got carried away)

I was rather enjoying that actually. Do carry on.

Okay then!! ! Don't get me started!! ! I also hate it when these girls ***! !!))))@@@II****%%%444$$$$$***a@@@@@***$$$%%%__(%%^&&^^! !! !!
Aaah, that's better.

Thanks for the shoutout, Groovy!

Thankyou for all of your support. I look forward to reading more posts and sugestions.

Bland,

I feel you on that. I could never play that helpless damsel in distress role. Nor will I put on any of those bimbo performances in order to impress any male.

I'll mow my own lawn. Make my own household repairs. Change the tires on the truck myself. I guess being an independant woman is a turn off for most guys. Make them run for the hills.

Last edited by sweetpraline on 30 Apr 2006, 5:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

I watched a lot of movies when I was little. The Saturday afternoon double features and such. Adventure movies, most of them. They female star was always tripping over and hurting her ankle at the wrong moment, endangering all those who had to stop and pick her up. This gave me a distaste fow weak, helpless women. I have absolutely no interest in any damsel in distress type person.

Anyone heard of Helen of Troy? I'm betting everyone has. She was a Spartan. Back then, Spartan women were famous for being very muscular and great warriors, and they were also considered very beautiful. Sure, their society was somewhat segregated, but their women still kicked arse.

Nope, I don't go for damsels in distress. But if you can kung fu kick the head off a killer robot, and have integrity, you're definitely worth noticing.

(I'm so happy to hear these comments; just when I was beginning to think the whole world is idiotic!! ! That's why I love it here! )

Sorry, CockneyRebel, for getting off track!

Cockneyrebel Sweetpraline So many lonely woman in their 30s talk about how casual dating was when they were younger. The situation for girl is very different from that of a man as they get older. And in most cases if they had a hard time in the teens and 20s then they are going to live a nightmare in the 30s and 40s.

I know that some Aspies improve their social skills as they get older and this could help very much but will it be enough? Only you would know that.

Do you two know about body language and practice reading it every day; have you read much material on the dating game while keeping up the practice. I believe that the situation can be better for a woman so long as they are willing to do their homework.

Sweetpraline I noticed that you live in Detroit. I know that people from Detroit are not the best dresses or very slim either. I don’t know if you are slim or not but if you was to reach the weight that make you the most attractive and wear some attractive clothes you would be ahead of the competition. This would send more men your way and improve the chances of you finding someone without having to change your personality, which is the least desirable way to find someone.

...and how many people do you know from Detroit personally to know that we are all fat and are not the best dressers. Sheesh!

No that is not true because I have seen girls who are twice my size that have boyfriends and can get dates.

I used to think that I didn't get asked out on dates because I was ugly. It really affected my self esteem. But now I know that it is not the case.

Because I see fat girls with boyfriends.
I see bald headed girls with boyfriends.
I see toothless girls with boyfriends.

I realized its just something about me that scares guys off. Its something about my aspieness and quirkiness send the guys running for the hills.

If a man only dates a woman cos she wears make up, has long hair and dresses sexily then he is missing the point and he isn't worth it for a start as he blatantly has no idea. You don't want to bother with such men, they're morons. Wait for your Mr Right because he will date you for what you are not what he thinks you should be and he will never want you to change. He will want you for who you are.

I don't know if this helps at all but lots of people are meeting online. You could try mate1.com and other dating forums. It's quite a trendy thing to do nowadays.

Another way to meet men is through some sort of volunteer or political activity. I have seen that there are lots of lonely others who come out to those sorts of environments.

While I do generally agree with your comment, I have a slightly less idealistic (and dare I say slightly more realistic) viewpoint. What you say above is good, but I also think it is good and worthwhile to make a least SOME effort to make yourself more attractive. For example, one could say that by plucking out my ear hair, I am not presenting the real me. Nevertheless I think that one ought to pluck out their ear hair before going on a date. It shows that they care and are willing to make an effort for the other person. I do not really have ear hair but you get the idea

I like and appreciate it if a woman makes an effort to please me or to make herself look better for my benefit. This is two-way: I also do the same for her. I think it is sweet when a couple do things that are not really essential but they do them anyway just for each other. They are willing to do that little bit extra for each other, rather than a harsh (and dare I say slightly self-centered) "This is me, like it or leave it" attitude.

I think this is important because in a relationship, it is highly unlikely that you both will just PERFECTLY suit each other in EVERY way like 2 jigsaw puzzle pieces coming together. Therefore each person needs to be willing to make a reasonable effort to accommodate the other person. You said "he will never want you to change" but I think that is a bit inaccurate because it is normal to have some disagreements in a healthy relationship, and normal and healthy to change some things in order to live peacefully with the other person. Perhaps you meant "he will never want you to change who you fundamentally are", if so then I agree with you.

Another potential problem with a "This is me, like it or leave it" attitude is that could lead a person into thinking that they should not bother doing anything to improve themselves, whereas working on improving yourself is very a worthy activity.

emp wrote: "This is me, like it or leave it" attitude

This is actually my preferred approach. It saves all of the wasted time and mellodrama of trying to present your best side to someone and then have them become disappointed when the "real you" arrives! Hey! It worked for me.

This attitude can be quite damaging to women, who have limited shelf life compared to men.

Yes I am sure the inside does count but the problem is, men cannot see the inside of a woman walking down the high street, they can only see the outside. So looks are the only positive thing they can go for at the moment.

Sometime by looking at someone it is possible to guess if they are your type. Like recently I am better able to spot an Aspie women a little better, so I would make an effort to talk with then, despite the average Aspie woman being a little too skinner assless and a bad dresser compared to the average NT.

And as I said in previous threads a woman beauty is an indicator of their general health, if man didn’t go for good healthier woman, whole human race would be very, very unhealthy indeed. It is unfortunate and unfair but that is how it is.

The last girlfriend much older then me 45 years old plus, she would not say, also she was a bit chubby and apple shaped to boot, but without the nice big booty. I met her at a coffee bar in a station. I started to talk with her. At first I was talking to her as a friend and an agony aunt, I talk her things about previous relationships and other stuff that is not commended to talk to a potential date about, because they will only see you as desperate, unhappy and needy. We would go out a many time then eventually she became my girlfriend.

So did I actively see chubby 45 year olds as potential dates? No I certainly did not. It is unfortunately for them. But if they do there best to look attractive then they would have a better chance, no?