What is this "confidence" thing?

Post Reply New Topic

This is called codependency. Which is not to say that it's a bad basis for a relationship, necessarily, but that's the clinical term for it, and it comes with risks:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

Ideally, for me, relationships are based on mutual respect and equal power dynamics. The world is full of people who need my help, but the person I want as a life partner is somebody who can go toe to toe with me and stand by my side and join me in my fights and let me join her in hers, and call me on my B.S., and be called on her B.S., and do all of this in a context where she and I love each other from head to toe, hair to bone marrow, persona to deepest darkest secrets.
Confidence is a good indicator that somebody is well situated for that role. If somebody isn't confident, that's not necessarily a dealbreaker--but it indicates that I may have more power over her than I would really want in a romantic relationship. My job would be to help her become more successful and feel better about herself so that she can become more confident. And then, maybe when she's more confident, I'd consider dating her. But more likely, the more confident version of her would find someone else.

It's not completely beyond the pale that I'll find somebody to save and end up marrying her. But all things being equal, that's not what I'm looking for. And I would never want to date anybody whose self-worth depended on me.


Cheers,

TH

To me, confidence (or rather, self-confidence) is the belief I have in my own good qualities, the belief that I'm loved by my family and friends, and that I am a good and intelligent person who is able to do good things (even though I do not strive for a particularly successful career), and who is nice to be around, and who is worthy of respect. It is a feeling of being happy, safe and secure in my own life. And this in turn, makes it easy for me to be generous, kind and helpful towards others. I have my parents and a happy childhood to thank for my self-confidence.

See the mysoginists of wrong planet for further examples

Confidence is the consequence of a good self-esteem and Good self-esteem is the product of self's achievements ...and yes , how people view this self. And loving oneself is the product of two combined. So one has to deal those sequentially before achieving the non-narcissistic and non-delusional of self-loving.


First of all , human's confidence is not a single entity. Toad can be confident in chanting , but he's not confident in approaching girls. Newton is confident in physics and math, but he might not be confident in poetry. No one can be confident about everything.


Telling advices like "Be more confidence" , "have a good self-esteem" , "love your self" to a person who's already hating himself is useless and delusional.

Is like telling an atheist "in order to get that girl , you need to be a Muslim" , he might act like a Muslim ,pray like a Muslim , practice Islamic rituals , but he's not really one ....so for how long he would be able to act? And for how long he can deceive himself and the others? not too long ,really.

As an extreme atheist , I have no faith in faith =p. To me, any kind of faith is unreal and unreliable.

For instance, you can say hundreds of times "I believe in myself, I believe I can excel the math exam!! !" , you might really start to believe that you can pass the math exam but if you SUCK at math , you would never pass the math exam regardless how much you would brainwash yourself.

The only way to pass a math exam when you suck at math is by studying hard and becoming little better .....then only then you may have a chance to pass the math exam.

How many contestants with terrible voices came to the American Idol's admission test so confident and with high spirit? Some of them were as confident as those passed , if not even more!

The result? Those with good voices passed and become more confident in their singing ability , and those who were mocked and ridiculed by the judges ended up with a broken spirit and might never sing in public again. Tell us , smarties with smarty advices , how having confidence in singing with no real basis and believing in self did any good to them?

That's life and that how humans are. Belief is useless.


A persons NEEDS a proof that he's a good in doing "X" (activity,profession,skill ...anything) in order to be confident in doing X , only by doing X good. This proof might be a grade or approval by others or any other tangible proof of his success.

The more a person gets proofs of how good he is in doing X , Y , Z , A .....the more he feels his self-worth is higher, and the higher his self-worth , the higher his self-loving.

A person NEEDS a proof for his worth/achievements in order to love himself.


So here the Hale_bopp's advice comes in handy : Improve yourself.

It's only by improving yourself you might become better in doing things that you always wished doing them good. And only then you might become more confident.


Having confidence in something you do or you're willing to do is the consequence of how much you proved yourself (and how much approved by others) before in doing the same thing.

Now , you might ask : what if it was the first time ? Are you saying that one can't have confidence in doing something for the first time?

My answer: Yes, it's impossible , in this case one should have courage. Do not confuse confidence with courage.




So my advice is : DITCH the belief and seek for evidences and proofs!

I am officially one of these guys who want women just wearing an apron in the kitchen to make me a sandwich.

I am officially one of these guys who want women just wearing an apron in the kitchen to make me a sandwich.

I am officially one of these guys who want women just wearing an apron in the kitchen to make me a sandwich.

Is this something that can be developed or acquired, or is it something one is born with?

Self-confidence is not something you're born with. It needs to be developed and nurtured through love and support from your parents.