"too intelligent"

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I can't speak for other men, but for me intelligence is a requirement, otherwise I just don't get interested. Involvement with a bubblehead would be a nightmare for me. I know it's brainist, and I am sorry, but I can't seem to do anything about it.

I read somewhere that male preferences regarding intelligence depend partly on what the man is after. If he wants a one night stand, women less intelligent than himself make an easier target, but if he wants a long term partner, higher intelligence suddenly starts looking good.

My own experience is that the women bright enough to be interesting are also bright enough to know they can do better than me (I do know this is a vastly overgeneralized interpretation on my part, but I still think it has enough truth in it to be useful for my limited purposes). I got so used to it that when I meet a woman bright enough to be seriously interesting, I automatically try very hard to avoid anything that could look like flirting, so that she doesn't tell me to get lost and I have at least a chance to enjoy her company. Could it be that some of the guys who gave you the impression they don't like intelligence fall into that category? You specifically mentioned getting that impression from some guys on this forum, but I am guessing you wouldn't be bothered without comparable experience in everyday life.

P.S. I once worked for a very intelligent woman, who some time after hiring me mentioned that she first carefully checks every guy for whether he has any problems with having a female boss. Could passing that kind of test work as a selection criterion for you? It's limited by not that many women being in positions of authority.

You know, I honestly don't know. The word orignally ment someone that bites the heads off of chickens.

And mostly it's not something we get to define. It's generally used in a negative context. There's a bit of a thing going on where we're 'taking back the label' though, Sort of like "the N word".

But what exactly defines it? Not really all that sure. But just about anyone into games other then sports, or Television other then sports... you know what maybe that's it right there. I think it's also becoming kind of "cool". (It could be argued that I was "cool" but unpopular back in highschool.)

But yeah, I'd say that it's things like doing well in academics, playing a lot of computer games, dungeons and dragons, japanese cartoons, and not doing very well socially. (There's a reason Asperger's is called "The Geek Syndrome")

They don't want the sheep knowing they're getting sheared.

I'm not certain.. some 'intelligent' conversations I find really monotonous.. they might know how to use a thesaurus but the content isn't there and it's basically bs. I admire people who have degrees etc but ones who use it to pull rank on me [ie. make me look stupid] I give them enough rope to hang themselves and they soon realise that underestimating people can backfire [I get it alot in RL ].

Mainstream I agree.. though I've met alot of 'mentally disabled' who are more perseptive than the average person.. though of course the average person may not have the insight to realise it and wouldn't bother looking further.

I get annoyed at people who are not passionate and feel like they are somehow restricting me by their conformity. It feels like I'm swimming against the current. I love passionate people.. they remind me not to limit myself.

If only I knew how to be tactful. I have difficulty even telling white lies.. caused myself alot of trouble. I also used to have severe SM [selective muteness] as well so spent years forcing myself to say what I was thinking.. I get afraid if I start trying to inhibited myself it will cause too much pressure and I will regress and end up back in my little cage. Done that.. they had no problem trying to weld the door shut on me.

Hmm

I like to reveal facts about me slowly, depending on the rapport I'm developing with the person I'm talking to.

So a man in a hurry is never ever going to get anywhere with me. I'm never going to open the conversation with an IQ score to get someone's attention.

Saying I am a typist is not dishonest - I'm typing now. Truly, the trick is to find out what the typist types and how they feel about it. I've known the odd domestic engineer, and receptionist to go on and complete academically challenging work at uni - but they were just as intelligent before they went to uni.

I don't say things that are deliberately stupid either, I'm gifted enough at seeming naive because of my (aspergers?) habit of taking things literally.

[Never forget to dot the 'i's.. OCD demanded that it be bolded.]
Gentlemen then.

"Tehehe."

Many serial killers are nice guys. Blimey. I thought alot of the stuff was satire at first. "That girl over there at the bus stop in the distance is shallow because she won't ask to sleep with me.. the feminist!"

I agree with this theory. Some only care about physical fulfillment. Relationships based purely on sex aren't designed to last which is probably why alot of people bounce from one partner to another unsatisfied.. the honeymoon period doesn't last long at all.

You might be savotaging yourself.. women generally are good at reading body language so IMO it's probably better to trial a 'flirt' [yeah I know that sounds weird] and she should give you a response to continue. Flirtings like it's own conversation.

Not sure. Many of the ones I've had problems with in RL have opted to challenge me instead of 'woo me'. It's a little hard to get anywhere with a guy if they're not sure if they want to be your rival or not.. there's the power struggle that always seems to come into play. Conversly I think I've had hints dropped that they want me to do the chasing but I'm not sure. Obviously this shows I not only have problems with intelligence but power issues as well. I'm learning alot about myself here.. way cheaper than a shrink.

It's not so much finding a partner than has been effecting me but the limitations my archtype imposes on my me as an individual.. how on earth could someone get to know who I am when society discourages me from even knowing myself? Even from this discussion- having this issue put outside of myself instead of going round and around in my mind I realise how oppressive it's been. No wonder aspies tend to keep to themselves.. [and no wonder this place exists] all the sterotypes and expectations of that 'other world' keep poisoning our own potential. It's even been turned into a 'disorder'.. says who? That is so f# up.


Thankyou Fuzzy.

Xuincherguixe,
I can say with some confidence that researching the historical origins of the word 'geek' does indeed make you a geek.

..but why would someone bite the heads of chickens? Was there an axe shortage or something? edit. I got the joke after I posted..

Under the circumstances, that is the intention.



That would be good advice if I could read the response. As it is, I wouldn't know if she encouraged me to carry on unless she dragged me to meet her parents and said "I want THAT one, dad", and I wouldn't know if she encouraged me to drop dead unless she hit me with a blunt instrument. That little problem contributes to making the second response more likely. Therefore I stick by what looks like the more probable response. I mean, on average, what proportion of the guys you meet would you like to flirt with you? I am guessing it's a minority, that gives me my default probability assessment, and I act on it. That seems like the intelligent thing to do in my case. I make no claims that this would be good for anyone else.



In which I may engage if I get either a dictionary and grammar book, or an interpreter. I can just picture myself leafing through the Guide to Body Language and Other Subtle Hints in Flirting", and asking whether she could repeat what she just did, so that I can decide whether it's the "You're doing all right so far, carry on and impress me some more" smile on page 17 or the manic rictus that signals to everyone else but me "Will you talk to me, this guy is from another planet! Please? Anyone? Pretty, pretty please?" on page 233. "Just hold it there for one more moment! Right, got it. Do carry on."

Back to the topic. I have been trying to think of what could be drawbacks of you not hiding your brains. You might attract the unwelcome attention of the kind of guy who thinks an intelligent and, God forbid, independent woman is an Abomination unto the Allmighty/insult to his manhood and danger to society [delete as appropriate], and thinks it his religious/social and patriotic [delete as appropriate] duty to put you into your place. If that is unlikely where you live, I find it hard to see any drawbacks. If you have a reputation for intelligence, you will avoid most of the timewasters who just want a pretty ornament or a trophy, and you're left with those who can either tolerate or even like brains. You win.



Sounds like the timewaster category to me. Up to you how hard a put down they need.



Would it be practical to spend more time with people who don't want to press you into a mould, not just here but also in everyday life?



Umm.. There was a joke?

I've noticed this. NTs can't stand intelligent conversations, they'd rather talk about meaningless drivel most of the time. You'll loose their interest very quickly if you delve into an intelligent conversation... It's just different chemical balances. This might sound alittle controversial but honestly I think we aspies are the next stage of evolution, and are hince evolved beyond NTs. That's not to say there aren't some NTs who do enjoy intelligence, but it's like looking for a needle in a hay stack.
Personally I'd prefer an aspie girl... For one because I don't like having high social status and having tons and tons of friends I don't know if I can trust, and two because I refuse to dummy myself down to impress some NT girl who'se probably gonna treat me like a freak anyways.
I tell you what I am gonna do though... I'm going to colledge to become an animator, so when I graduate I'll go into business for myself and make tons of money... 1 american dollar is equal to 55 phillipino dollars, so I will be rich out there... I'm gonna get into real estate and open up an aspie village, I will wing aspies from obscurity and provide a villiage where AS is the norm, were we fit in better than NTs... I'll even set people up with jobs, homes, and set up supermarkets and dept. stores.
Some day, though not likely within my lifetime, this villiage will succeed from the phillipines and become our own nation. Aspergia will be born, a haven for aspies.

I said I am busy, I did not say I am in a hurry. Those are 2 different things. I spend plenty of time and can be very patient with the few people I choose to spend time with.

BTW, a high IQ score would not get my attention. I have contempt for IQ tests. IQ tests only measure how good you are at completing IQ tests. Also, the more IQ tests a person does, the better their scores.


A lie is any communication with intent to deceive or mislead. The fact that a statement may be "technically true" does not stop it from being a lie.


A domestic engineer, a housewife, is very unlikely to be the sort of person I want, even if she IS intelligent. Also, as you said, "the odd", so you are not disqualifying what I said. As I said, I acknowledge that there may be some typists who I would like to have a relationship with, but it is a low probability, and so I am willing to eliminate them without further investigation. Yes it is a partially inaccurate method, but the point is that it is mostly accurate, and it is an acceptable compromise for a busy person such as myself.

If she was a typist who was currently studying at uni (i.e. working towards getting a better occupation), then I would remain interested.

Last edited by emp on 14 Jun 2006, 7:54 pm, edited 3 times in total.

And inevitably, X percent of aspies will dislike the place.

GAH!! How dare you call me a gentleman!!


hmm, those quotation marks seem to be claiming that I am a b*stard only as much as you are the type of woman who tehehe's! How dare you, again!!



So a man may be worried that he is "not intelligent enough" for his girlfriend who is more intelligent than him. However, the way I see it, if the girlfriend is content to be with him, then that is all that matters. Whether he is "intelligent enough" becomes irrelevant because the point is that she IS choosing to be with him.

In other words, people should not judge themselves whether they are worthy and sufficient for the other person -- leave that to the other person. If they are happy about you, you can be happy about them. People should not disqualify themselves.



A man challenging you is not automatically a bad thing. It can be done in a positive way, or in a negative way. I do not know anywhere near enough about these events to say whether it was being done in a positive or negative way.

Aspergia is to be a place aspies come to flee oppression, so your saying you'd rather be oppressed?

Call it what you want, describe it as you will, X percent of aspies will still dislike the place because people are unique individuals and everyone has their own differing opinion about what constitutes a good haven.

riley, I think the only problem with intelligence - looks like intelligent guys and girls can just as easily have this problem - romantic and sexual attraction aren't based on intelligence but based on a lot of real irrational behavior. Witholding information, seeming like your unavailable or like the other person would have to work harder than you would to make the grade, etc.

As a guy I'm slowly learning these lessons and trying to apply them. Our genetic wiring sucks but it seems like we're mostly wired to be drawned to a fiesty teese and when we meet people like ourselves even who we'd LOVE to date, unfortunately, we need to make sure we're not straight foreward but rather 'playing the game'. Unfortunately my NT friends, even the ones who seem like they're pros at being players, have that problem - its a lot easier to get into that semi-sadistic act and treat the other person like they've gotta prove themselves to you when you could realistically care less about them. Sad fact is though, even when you meet someone who's real intelligent and on point, if your intelligent you need to keep that out of your flirtations with with them because whether your smart, dumb, on point and with life or way off the mark - making sense, being straightforeward, and not being a bit sadistic/doministic with the emotional antics of the flirtation kills attraction. Seriously, stuff like this almost seems like its proof that there's no god - we're wired to be least attracted to whats best for us yet unfortunately completely unable to control, consciously at least, just what exactly we're sexually attracted to because it's not a logical process - it's an emotional, genetic, based in evolutionary psychology, and it flows straight against everything our society seems to preach (at least in the direct sense).

Next time you meet a guy who really lights you up, be sure to brush past him at the right time and pretend to scold him (flirtatiously).I mean run a light mock-up of whatever you can summon of that bitchy-maternal act like you caught him being a perve, accuse him of trying to brush up on you, while tellicasting that twinkle in your eyes like "I'm playing the game - just go along with it". Of course you need to be at least building some rapport with him before that and showing a bit of your intentions but I think you get the idea - its completely counterintuitive to how you or I would inherently want to do things. Having our roots of attraction in the most primative parts of our heads sucks (guys and girls alike) but unfortunately by the time we're already here its a little late to say how we were made. Just know that guys like b***hes, girls like a***holes, and at least learn to flirt with a sexually-charged mock up of that.

As for me, as slow of an emotional learner as I am, I've got a new round of girls interested and I'm making sure this time, when at all possible, to be feisty as I can, emotionally play the game, and to make sure I tell them as little as possible. I'm learning to show interest at the right times, complete lack thereof when I have them interested, it's a dance that has to be played.

It's actually been brought up by people. I didn't go searching for the meaning. And there was no joke.


Also. emp is a jerk. Just that he's a jerk that's insightful (inciteful?) But this isn't the right place to get into that (if there is a right place at all, which to be fair their probably isn't).

Which is not to say that I'm not a bit of one myself mind you. (I need a reason before I start getting nasty. They're not always good ones mind you.)


As far as being called a Sensitive New Age Guy, I'm not too sure about that one. I kind of like 'rebel', but that's not very specific I am a pretty nice guy for the most part, but I do have an edge (my catchphrase back in highschool was 'You just made my list').

Oh come on, I was just joking about you being Cher's gigolo