Aspie men: How do you win an NT girl?

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I'm often told by women that I'm a great guy but they don't like me in that way. Older women have told me that they wished their daughters or granddaughters would be interested in me but no women will give me a chance because they are not attracted to me. I'm sick of women coming to me to complain about the a-holes they are with & other problems & those women never want to hear about my problems. Those women keep insisting that they don't like me but when I make a comment about liking a certain girl or something those women get all upset over it. It's extremely frustrating for me watching women I care about going out with jerks when I know that those guys do not give a rats-azz about em & that those women will never be interested in me. Apparently I am a horrible monster because women would rather be with abusers than me. No matter how much I care & try; women are never willing to give me a chance. It f#cking sux I don't hit women & I cant even hit a guy to defend myself but it seems guys who slap women have no problems getting em. I don't get it
I'm sorry you think that way about me Kaybee but women are NOT attracted to me when I am nice; I'm tired of always getting used & being alone

Trying to escalate with coworkers is a horrible idea that will cause you nothing but grief. There is no magic formula for instant relationships. Upgrade your appearance as much as you can and dive into your hobbies.

There's no one answer to this because all NT girls are different people. It's certainly not an impossible thing to do, though, and it's a lot easier than trying to find an Aspie girl IRL, the beautiful rarities they are.

You sound like me, nick.

I think I'm too nice, too. Heaven forbid a girl would want a guy that's actually nice to her.

I'm glad someone here agrees with me because some people here may think I'm encouraging hatred or worse towards women but I'm NOT trying to. I'm very frustrated about things & my post get taken the wrong way sometimes. I would NEVER abuse a woman to get one; I'd rather be alone than physically hurt someone or anything. I feel sorry for women in abusive relationships & that's one of the rezones why I'm so frustrated about it because I do care about em(despite what some posters here may believe) I tend to care too much & try too hard to help em & my frustration builds up & gets to the point where I lash out like I did. There's lots of NT guys on other sites who post similar things about women going for jerks or abusers. I never 1ce claimed that all women on this site or anywhere else went for that & I apologize if my post came off that way. It really eerks me that women who are desperate enough to go for abusers won't even give me a chance. If people could see inside my heart & read my emotions like telepaths read minds; I probably would of found someone a long time ago.
Anyways Adam I'm really sorry for derailing your thread. I'll tone things down here

OP, it seems to me that the point of your question is to figure out how to ask this girl out without risking rejection. There really is no neat answer to that - you'll have to put yourself out there.

That said, you can take that risk "hokey pokey" style (you don't have to put your "whole self" in at the very beginning). I suggest asking the girl to go to lunch, as in, "Do you want to grab lunch with me some time?" If you extend your invitation in this open-ended way, you'll be more easily able to interpret her response, and you'll both get to save face if she's not interested.

For example, if you say, "Would you like to go to lunch with me on Wednesday/today/tomorrow," you invite valid scheduling conflicts to cloud her response. If she's legitimately busy, then you're stuck having to ask again (harder to work your nerve up a second time). If she's not legitimately busy and trying to politely decline your invitation because she's not interested, you'll have no way of knowing that. If you ask her a second time under those circumstances, things can become awkward between you.

But if you leave the date of the lunch open, her response will provide you with a better understanding of her level of interest. If she says she works through lunch, she doesn't eat lunch, is on a diet, etc., you can bet she's not interested. You'll have your answer, but it won't have to be awkward between you.

If she accepts and you have lunch a few times and it goes well, ask her to have coffee after work. If she accepts that invitation, your next step is to ask her out on a date.

I think @Ricky5 raises a valid point about workplace romances. I also know many people who have met their spouses at work, so....you really never know. I also wouldn't spend time feeding the idea that you're not attracting someone because you're "too nice." Honestly, that's never the reason.

Not even Cliff Richard is "too nice".

That "guide" sounds like a crock of sh*t. I'm embarrassed that its dominating the market.

For me, it all happened unexpectedly.

I didn't win her but she won me.

To win a NT girls heart by a NT girl.

Men are everywhere, wooing or not to any type of female. Females are everywhere, being wooed or not. Men can be jerks and women can be complete s****heads but we all somehow manage to fall in love or get along with one another. The goal to winning anyone's heart is to be yourself. AH! That stupid cliche, but seriously it's true. There will always be those female out there that love dorks, jocks, emos, some sort of stereotype and fall for him. What the guy needs to do is be polite and caring, be himself and to a certain type of girl that will be interesting.

So in summary: people are attracted to those who interest them, AS or NT. I'm NT and really attracted to this one AS guy just because he's himself. Sure, he frustrates me but I can't help but think he's totally cool.

[start playing Mission Impossible theme]

Go to your nearest bookstore and choose 3 books on pickup artists explaining their method. Don't think it will turn you into a heartless Casanova or cruel Don Juan. These books will show you how women think, what they are used to hear, what they want to hear and how they want to hear it
All male have a complete misconception of how woman think, they are not cattle and they are not the characters you see on romantic movies. Aspies or NTs, everybody needs a serious update on this and there is so much to say that you won't find it all in one book.

If you are an aspie, know yourself. You naturally reflect an image of who you are to the world you have to learn it if you don't know yet what impression you deliver.
You need to use it as a base and alter it in the good way for two reasons: keep being natural for your behavior for your personality making sense over the time. The second reason is you can turn any negative trait into a positive one.
- You look odd? Turn it into insight, the world and the society IS odd, and there are a lot of girls who think that way.
- You look goofy? Be hilarious, as aspies, we have access to a very special kind of humor, if we rephrase what we think deep inside with the attention of not hurting someone combined with extreme overstatement, we can turn what makes us into insecure into hilarity because everybody IS insecure deep inside.
- You look shy? Turn it into self confidence. Little has to be done to confuse both in the eyes of other. Once the contact is done, use your sensitivity.
- You look angry? Check inside what makes you angry, and learn the philosophy of it, bring your positive hurt emotion to the front and put your explained anger back, know that everybody has the same feeling and be able to listen to it from the other people.
- You are a troll? Keeping on trolling the women on WP? Well, you must have one of the trait listed above

Body and money does not count, there are many examples that proves it, with the right mixture, it works and give you the chance to meet someone who will love you for who you are.
But you can alter yourself in the good direction ONLY if you know what the goals and the rules are. Knowledge of yourself and knowing what happens on the other side, together, will show you the right rhythm and the right sequence to follow. Approach, window of opportunity, trials and errors. Then if you have any specific question, post it on WP

[Mission Impossible theme ends: Taaaaaaa Daaaaaa]
I just hope this message won't self destruct

For an Aspie male, the above advice won't work, because a woman will see that he's trying to be "normal." Better just being yourself, but a happy version of yourself, and finding someone that likes you for you. Probably won't be the most beautiful woman, but I'm assuming most of the guys here aren't models themselves, at least the ones that have never had a girlfriend or a kiss and so on.

There is no "normal" opposing to you. The media constantly broadcasts a flow of norms of what things "should be" don't fall into that and don't try to change yourself completely to match stereotypes like many people do. There are some people who not only accept difference, but consider it essential in a group, they are right and there are more than you think.
It is not easy, it is not fast and won't succeed at the first try. You need to be aware of this because the bad past experiences should not hurt the new ones you might live, that would be unfair to you.

I noticed that a few posters said to be yourself but that only works if women are attracted to the real you. If there not attracted to you; you don't stand a chance

If they're not attracted to you then there's nothing you can do about that.

Drat.

Last edited by Darkword on 25 Nov 2010, 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.