HFA: Very Bad Relationship Experience

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Ultimately the idea of rejection is purely emotion when odds are great out of the many individuals to experience sensuality with for reasons of procreation and or sexual well being is nearly unavoidable if sought. This rejection notion is self-defeating when in fact with nearly all human beings odds are in your favor should one void themselves of unnecessary "fears". An extreme example of confident and honestly is in the movie the Beutifull mind when in a bar the genuis approached a lady and asked to exchange bodily fluids. While ultimately this is the purpose in normal healthy human behavior it likely is not the best approach. So in the movie he got slapped and accordingly.

Even if you don't want kids now or ever the whole point behind dating and sex subconsciously is to reproduce, that's the mechanics behind it. Love is the poetry.

Here is the 5th one in just under 3 hours.

"i'm open up, receptive and looking for some entertaining"

In the ego preservation complex (self-esteem) rejection is a universal fear. For instance if I put any kind of insecurity initially in my psychosocial formula a common but not necessarily innate superiority complex would result in a % thus reject it. Moreover if rejection was at best neutralized by creating mutual terms by which to meet and then we each and both decide if we meet again there is less of an emotional rejection in potential as rejection is provided in decision to both. The superiorist complexes of others tend to manifest superiority in expectations first like for instance seeking someone of a certain height, body and age. Hence by stabilizing the innate preservation ego of the self-esteem as best as possible the normal human instinct would then be better enticed and preserved. This to manifest toward mutual confidence thus creating conditions by which to manifest instinctual and common behaviors.

Well I don't want to share them all. I have not replied to any of them yet.

Here is one I found insulting and I am wondering why I am insulted.

"playboy like body & ravishing face yearning for big fella, get in touch with me if your intersted."

The idea of someone claiming to be a super model and expecting a reply is insulting to my intellect even if their intent was if I was big boned and they were a model I'd be most interested.

Are you doing this on okcupid or another site?

Craiglist but I also experimented on Match and few wanted to meet but business obligations were to requiring so no time. Now others pour candles, label and do the accounting. I just do the PR and do important meetings so I do not need to work 7 days a week.

Ultimately the best strategy I would think is listings on numerous sites.

"Sup ...lookin for a cute new person to party with haha Maybe grab a couple of glassses of belvedere or whatever. No pic No reply. No excuses DD free only plz. Holla back soon. "

I don't like parties.

And that's where I stopped reading...

And the point of your remark was?

fair enough. I went back and read further and the OP does seem to have gone through a lot of s**t, so my comment was a bit harsh.

I just find it irritating when guys blame their choices on their 'instincts'. If a girl did it, I would also disagree. We have brains and we have the ability to make our own choices over our 'instincts', however negative they are. I'm sorry the OP ended up in that relationship, and I'm glad he escaped, but he did make the choice to get in it in the first place. No matter what people go through, I still think they should take some responsibility for the choices that were theirs to make.

Instinct is just a word I use to describe something universal and built into the mind. I do not know what OP is. Instincts are unavoidable but if the mind is primarly driven by this it may be reasonable to assume it is no different then being an ape, female or male, to solely behave based on instinct. This is where reasoning comes in.

With regards to the second relationship it was being stuck.I do not want to explain it all. Professionals told me it was not my fault and I tried everything to help the person from killing themselves as well. So the people around me know the details not someone online. I was saying it because a new relationship I might experience similar.

OP just means original poster i.e thread starter, aka you. That was my fault; I thought you were someone who just replied on the thread.

I still stand by my previous comment; instinct may cause an initial attraction to a person, but you made a conscious choice to enter a relationship.

Yep and there was nothing wrong with entering into the relationship. To say the domestic violence, assaults and batteries and otherwise was in any way my fault would be like saying it's the fault of a lady for a man to hit them because she has wants and needs. Typically domestic violence is not by females so I am in an awkward yet honest position. I stand by my position that criminality against me was not my fault nor is criminality the fault of any female experiencing domestic violence.

No ci, you're getting me wrong completely. The domestic violence was definitely not your fault; it was not your choice to be attacked at all.

It was your choice to enter a relationship however, unless she physically kidnapped you. It turned out badly, but as you said yourself, you did nothing wrong for choosing to take a risk. All relationships have a risk, but they are all choices. It just turned out to be a bad one this time, but you weren't to know that. Again, your choice, but not your fault that it went wrong.

You had a choice to leave the relationship, and you did. You could call that instinct too; you could say you instinctively had to leave for your own safety, but I think that's selling yourself a bit short. You made a great choice there getting out and you should be proud you had the guts to do that.


Actually, a lot of domestic violence is done by women towards men. Its generally not lethal, but it is harmful. A lot of men are ashamed to admit it though, so I understand why you might feel a bit defensive. You shouldn't.

When I commented, it wasn't because I had any issue with you entering the relationship and then leaving when she turned batshit crazy. It's just the idea that as a male you were 'forced' into the relationship in the first place by your instincts. Too many men in this world blame their actions on their 'guy instincts'.

Anyway, I apologise for getting off topic; I'll let this thread get back to its original purpose.

I don't know. It was for humor in part when I said instincts. I'm sort of a traditionalist, moralists and all that and to me saying the word instinct is a way of explaining natural and normal behavior without making it necessarily naughty to be hidden. Instinct fundamentally is so ingrained that it is unavoidable. I don't think it is a negative thing unless one was to keep hitting their heads on a brick wall and then blame it on instinct perhaps. Don't worry about the conversation getting off topic because as the author of it I say it's ok.

Maybe if you gave me some examples of when using the word instinct as an excuse would be a bad thing so I can understand.

It's ok ci, I think I may just be nit picking. I've been a long term member here & like a few other female members, I've had it up to here with guys blaming their 'instincts' for their actions. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions though and I realise that my comments have nothing to do with your actual question.

I think it's the fact that you specifically referred to 'male instincts' that got under my skin; that particular phrase, when used on this website, commonly seems to be euphemistic for 'thinking with one's dick'. If you just meant that you were simply attracted to this woman and chose to try a relationship with her, then I apologise.

Laugh.

The primal instinct is not limited to males. I am one that wouldn't talk locker room talk or put down females amongst the good ole boys. This is my Christian school experience even though I am not religious. Unfortunately given that humans will be humans the sexual instinct is so very ingrained whilst it is not a governing mechanism in the overall behavioral manifestations of every day life it is part of the mechanics of the psychology of everyday life. In part though influencing the the emotions it is the reason for many altercations. Now as one ages this may just become less relevant and the instinct to procreate lessons I have overheard. However I have not really studied the psychology of aging. I am 29 so my brain is hard wired at this age to do what it does naturally and of course abnormality can co-exist with "normal" behaviors so this is deviants and otherwise.