Thinking about disclosing my AS on OKCupid.

Post Reply New Topic

This in fact, is the reason why I didn't put AS on my profile in the first place. However, I don't seem to be getting any dates on there anyway. So, I thought I would just experiment to see if disclosure of AS does indeed cause a drop in my ratings, just like Grisha did. Grisha seems to of gotten better results than he expected though.

That's mostly the advice I've been following up until now.

I was out about being an Aspie.......Some people wouldn't give me the time of day...which was great because it worked to keep judgmental stupid people away. And i met the most incredible woman on that site and I <3 her so much. Because of my surgery we haven't even had a date but she's there for me everyday and helps keep me positive.

3 months can be a long time, or a short one. It really depends on frequency and depth of interaction, and a judgement on how they will likely take disclosure. There are no hard and fast rules you can apply or follow.

Disclosure can be managed in better or worse ways. If you trust your ability to communicate about autism in a positive way, disclose away.

One factor that we cannot account for will be any previous encounter with the label that was positive or negative. Short of asking, "Soooo... ever hear of Asperger's syndrome?" there's no way to gauge that.

I disclosed to someone recently having known them for less than a week. A slight risk at the time. It seems to have gone well. My intuition serves me well.

I wouldn't take Grisha's success as entirely down to disclosure, he's been around for a long time agonising over and analysing his particular problems with dating. Possibly, he just came to the end of his process. Breakthrough.

I would hazard a guess that his recent absences from this part of the forum are an indication that he is currently enjoying at least some success in the field of dating.

In summary; the question doesn't have a simple binary disclose/not disclose answer. It's more complex than that. I would go on a case by case basis, and I would not disclose on the profile, as that leaves you without any flexibility.

Last edited by Moog on 26 Jan 2011, 11:11 pm, edited 5 times in total.

Jesus. I've tried disclosing my AS and was on their for ages without it and i still havent had a message. The advice in this thread is quite polarised. I think we need a poll.

i put it on my profile. I got quite a lot of messages and responses. i can't say how many of them would have turned into relationships but one did

Jesus do you guys all look like George Clooney or what?

That sounds makes more sense. Previously, I wouldn't of disclosed mine until we met though. Some of the new people who I've sent messages to this week haven't logged in again yet, so I'll wait for a while before I try disclose my AS. I think it's about time that I update and improve my profile as well.

Either that or they earn big fat salaries.

I do, but I don't let it hold me back

ugly and broke checking in.....

Look, whether disclosing AS is gonna be negative or positive all depends on the kind of guy you are and the kind of girl you're looking for

For me, there was never any question about putting As on my profile. I did, and it's still there now. Plenty of girls have messaged me without being put off by that. I can't see AS bothering the kind of girls I'd be interested in.

Also waiting till 3 months into a relatiosnship to tell them you have AS is ridiculous - that's just making it pout to be some kind of major thing. If they're gonna be bothered by your AS, then why waste your time ?

I've emailed a couple people on there and gotten some replies. I put my AS in the "most private thing you're willing to admit". I haven't had any dates yet, but girls are still talking to me despite the fact I'm open about AS. I talked to a girl on another site where I don't put on there that I have AS, and when I told her I had it, she is still talking to me. The decision to disclose or not would not seem to be a significant factor. Perhaps the way you state it makes a difference. If you come across as confident and well adjusted (not apologetic), people may admire you for overcoming adversity.

Further, I'd rather lower my response rate and find better quality people than be deceptive and secretive and get lots of people that will run as soon as they find out the real me. That strikes me as a stupid and inefficient way to go about things. Save the "that's how the NT world works" speech. I'm well aware of that and don't particularly care. I'm not so desperate to be in a relationship that I'll try to be someone I'm not just so girls will talk to me. I'm fine the way I am and if girls don't like that, then I'll be fine alone. I no longer have the inclination to pretend to be anything other than what I am. Regardless of the reason, money, love, status, w/e, it's just going to cause problems in the end. The people that are open-minded enough to consider someone who is not "normal" are the only ones I'm looking for.

So did you tell her your a spazz in the end?

One of the problems of putting AS in your profile is that not everyone who reads it is going to know what AS is and it could be a complicated thing to explain. I wouldn't wait for 3 months into a relationship before telling telling someone but I agree with Moog's statement that you should tell them when you're ready or when you feel they would be receptive.

I say go for it. especially if you are looking for someone else with asperger's. If it doesn't matter to you if they are on the spectrum, I might wait awhile.