Don't whine/complain about your dating/dateless situation

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Am I reading this right? I read this as you thinking it's impossible to tell if someone likes you or not.

loool, i like this thread.

Yah, I'm very oblivious. I've heard lots of times of girls hitting on me and I have no idea and many times I've tried flirting with girls and they have no idea... its not as minor as you'd think.

I've read many books as well. I just don't see confidence being the issue.

i get that too, it's 'he was hitting on you.' 'oh, was he?'

Yeah, that used to happen to me all the time. I think it still does, but at least now I recognize some of the situations where the interest is being shown (versus none, before). Without the books and videos I've read/seen about body language, I wouldn't be able to see those hints of interest, and I wouldn't be posting this annoying topic (I'd probably be joining in on complaining about how long its been). If you know she likes you, you don't need to worry so much about confidence, other than getting the words out to ask her out.

Some girls are so subtle about it, that it is often hard to tell. Sometimes there are situations where the context makes it difficult, like if she's working (thus has to nice, especially if she's working for tips). For the most part, girls are almost obvious their interest since the signs supposedly happen unconsciously. It's just a matter of us being consciously aware of what they're doing. Having even the littlest sense of that can help build some confidence, IMHO.

Yah :p

My roommate had a party, and a girl was crying so I tried to be nice and cheer her up, and she gives me a bank stare and rudely says ... "I have a boyfreind, and gets up and walks away" .. mmm socially awkward penguin moment...

Sounds odd, and I probably would have been scratching my head too. Do you think it's possible that maybe she was sending a signal (that you didn't catch) and your lack of response made her feel rejected, thus her response? I do, though I'm sure there are other possibilities as to what happened as well.

I'd just say that they need to take their pain and frustration to redirect it somewhere more positive, whining deflates the whiner, building personal success in other areas does something entirely different.

Enough of these guys though, I hate to say it, are past this advice though - have read all kinds of self help and body language guides and the problem is too genetically endemic to how they look or vibe up. People are mean and people do get singled out or even universally shunned for having the wrong kinds of genetic traits - regardless of how many i-gadgets or varieties of cappuccino we have we're still in the wild (will be as long as we have chromosomes in us), thus natural selection still applies itself and admittedly natural selection is at the heart of pettiness. The best thing they can do in that case is not let their gifts to the world or themselves go to waste, regardless of whether or not there's a man/woman in their lives.

Anyone who posts threads like this has the guts. Maybe I should have a turn soon.

you're a woman, they'd tear you apart.
because he's a guy he can get away with it.

Why? Is it easier to blame someone or something else than to take some action to change the situation?

i've just found that some men around here like the 'women have it easier' argument a lot, so if a women critisizes how they're dating, it's wrong because they have it easy.

I think women have it harder in many ways.

i think everyone has it different.
i never got how blaming the other gender helped anyone.

good for you for trying to send a good message instead of the wallow in pity one.

then again, you're pretty cute, so i doubt you have any trouble with women.

I never have problems getting with women I guess I never really have had that problem it my be my german charm

Yeah, different is probably more like it. I was just saying that it's gotta be tough for any woman these days, since men (aspie or not) have to be the ones to respond to the woman's initial message of attraction (which obviously aspie men tend to miss). That's gotta feel like constant rejection anytime you see a guy who catches your eye, I would imagine.


The message I think is an important one, one I wish I could have heard about 10-15 years ago.

Looks don't help. They didn't do me a damn bit of good in my 20's, as I was single from about 18 up until I was 27 (even then I didn't really start dating until I was 30 or 31). I missed all sorts of signals that girls were interested, and when I did somehow manage to start talking with a girl, I had zero substance in my life - and I was heading the completely wrong direction thinking that having a nice car, nice job, nice place to live, and nice stuff equated to being interesting. Then there were the moments where my brain just took a complete leave of absence from my body during conversations, that pretty much killed any good mood we had going and ended it right there on the spot (those "why the hell did I just say that?" kind of moment).

Looks help, but are no where near a requirement. I'm sure we all look around and see people that scratch our heads how they managed to get with the guy or girl they're with. It's (more than likely) because they are interesting, confident people that haven't gotten hung up on their failures or disadvantages. They didn't give up where others (including many of us) had failed.