Well, I blew it again.

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hale_bopp
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11 May 2011, 3:36 am

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

I sent her another message regarding the talk of violence.

Quote:

After discussing our chat on a forum I go to, I realize I said some things that sounded kind of scary, making references to violence and murder, etc. Again, it's me being ret*d, and I have no hostile intentions towards you. If you don't want to see me again, I understand. I won't talk to you. I'll stay away from you. If we're at work together I'll ignore you. You won't have to worry about me. I just don't want to cause you any trouble. You are my fellow human being, and I care about you and want you to feel safe. Please PM me back.

Just stop. STOP! Don't send her an apology, it looks whiny! I know because guys have done that to me when they haven't even offended me and it's stupid.

Also don't tell her you are talking about her on a message board!

Personally, I don't think it's worth it. For every new message you send regarding this the weirder she is going to think you are.
And to be honest the stuff you said was quite weird.

Just take it as a lesson and move on.

Just stop trying. Trying too hard to impress someone never works.

Vigilans
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11 May 2011, 3:39 am

hale_bopp wrote:

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

I sent her another message regarding the talk of violence.

Quote:

I'm with hale_bopp. You have to learn from this and just move on. Pushing it won't accomplish anything other than make her remember you even more, and not in a good way

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hale_bopp
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11 May 2011, 3:45 am

I understand how nerves and not knowing what to say can result in that kind of conversation, so sorry that happened. I hope you have better luck next time.

CrinklyCrustacean
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11 May 2011, 4:26 am

hale_bopp wrote:

Just stop. STOP! Don't send her an apology, it looks whiny! I know because guys have done that to me when they haven't even offended me and it's stupid.

She deserved an apology for the scary and hurtful things he said, and she got it. He understands the gravity of what he said, he realises that she was offended, and in response he makes it quite clear that he is prepared never to speak to her again, if that is what she wants. It is clear from what he wrote that he knows she will never regard him in the same way and he's accepted that. That's an apology from a humble man with his heart in the right place, not a whiny boy who wants a second chance.

hale_bopp
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11 May 2011, 4:31 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

Just stop. STOP! Don't send her an apology, it looks whiny! I know because guys have done that to me when they haven't even offended me and it's stupid.

She deserved an apology for the scary and hurtful things he said, and she got it. He understands the gravity of what he said, he realises that she was offended, and in response he makes it quite clear that he is prepared never to speak to her again, if that is what she wants. It is clear from what he wrote that he knows she will never regard him in the same way and he's accepted that. If anything that's an apology from a humble man, not a whiny boy who wants a second bite of the apple.

No, It's not. Did she actually say she's offended? The whole "if you never want talk to me again" seems whiny. It's like he wants her to go "oh n no I still want to talk to you.

Either way, it's a done deal now. The apology in my opinion made things worse. But that's just my opinion.

The most he can do to stay on normal terms with this girl is to simply act normally like it never happened, which means no apologising messages or moping.

sunshower
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11 May 2011, 4:34 am

I won't rehash the conversation again, because people have already done a good job of it.

Let me just say that if it had been me you were talking to I would have come out of that conversation feeling extremely negative towards you.

I understand about putting on an "act" or a "face" to look cool/be more socially acceptable, but you've taken it way too far, and what you have instead is an act that is socially debilitating. Believe me, it will NOT be improving your standing socially unless you're interested in consorting with murderers/woman haters/thugs/violent abusive men. I am not over-exaggerating here. You need to lose the act A.S.A.P because it will be losing you what little social credibility you have naturally. I'm not saying creating a social mask is a bad idea (in my opinion, it's a GOOD idea), but you've got to create a positive one.

Do whatever it takes to drop this social mask, or there will be severe consequences for you I can guarantee it.

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CrinklyCrustacean
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11 May 2011, 4:42 am

hale_bopp wrote:

No, It's not. Did she actually say she's offended?

Not explicitly, but it sure seems like it to me from the way she reacted.

Quote:

The whole "if you never want talk to me again" seems whiny. It's like he wants her to go "oh n no I still want to talk to you.

Yes, but it also seems fairly clear that he has accepted that is unlikely. If "nothing" wasn't an option, what would you have preferred he said?

Quote:

Either way, it's a done deal now.

Obviously.

Quote:

The apology in my opinion made things worse. But that's just my opinion.

How so? She deserved one. Even if she wasn't offended, he still said some pretty bad things.

Quote:

The most he can do to stay on normal terms with this girl is to simply act normally like it never happened, which means no apologising messages or moping.

Yes, but she still deserved that apology.

hale_bopp
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11 May 2011, 4:47 am

Well ok then.

To be honest with kids these days I would have thought she was more creeped/boreded/weirded out than offended. Thats what I got from her replies anyway.

CrinklyCrustacean
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11 May 2011, 4:50 am

hale_bopp wrote:

I would have thought she was more creeped/boreded/weirded out than offended.

Fair call. Maybe I'm projecting my own feelings onto her.

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11 May 2011, 8:03 am

If you screw up, you should be sorry. If you are sorry, you should say so.

Even if it doesn't help him, it might help her.

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LordoftheMonkeys
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11 May 2011, 8:53 am

I don't care if she thinks I'm whiny. I'm not trying to impress her, because I don't want her anymore. I've hurt her and I don't deserve her.

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ToughDiamond
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11 May 2011, 9:36 am

It's easy to be wise after the event, but if you hadn't disclosed your feelings for her so suddenly and completely, you might have been able to save face, and then you might not have needed to invalidate her music tastes. It's useful to find out quite early if they've got anybody else - you could ask a question about her (assumed) boyfriend, and wait to see if she denies having one - much less painful that way. I know it's tempting to just spill it though....a crush is a terrible burden.

MrLoony
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11 May 2011, 10:03 am

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

I don't deserve her.

This is not a good attitude to have. A good attitude is that you screwed up and she has every right to walk away.

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LordoftheMonkeys
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11 May 2011, 11:46 am

What really got me upset was when I looked at her profile a couple hours later and found that she had made this post:

Quote:

I will attempt to get to sleep tonight. \: Goodnight FB. Miss you.

Seeing that broke my heart, not because I lost my chance with a girl, but because I realized I had really hurt someone, someone whom I hardly even know, who never did anything to me.

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Chronos
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11 May 2011, 1:20 pm

LordoftheMonkeys wrote:

I don't care if she thinks I'm whiny. I'm not trying to impress her, because I don't want her anymore. I've hurt her and I don't deserve her.

Now that's just self loathing. I think I would take Hale_Bopp's advice now and just start acting normal like it didn't happen.

hale_bopp
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11 May 2011, 9:29 pm

How do you know its because of you? It may have been nothing to do with you.

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