5 Real Life Places to Meet Singles
Being on the high functioning end is no picnic though. Having a better ability to learn a few social skills is cold comfort when you are having tics and OCD behaviours and cant eat in a restaurant without looking like a baby with food splattered on you because of fine dyspraxia, or you cant look in someone's eyes, or you decide, unwisely to make a sculpture with your leftovers.
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"Caravan is the name of my history, and my life an extraordinary adventure."
~ Amin Maalouf
Taking a break.
ValentineWiggin
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Joined: 15 May 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,907
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
ValentineWiggin
Veteran
Joined: 15 May 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,907
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
I made a Hitler-face out of mashed potatoes once, with gravy for the 'stache. My very NT mother was NOT impressed.
Question for you: Have you tried helping people out? Have you mowed lawns or shoveled driveways? Have you gone over to fix a busted door or paint a room? Have you set up a printer or explained with excruciating patience how to get on Facebook? Have you shone any of these older women that you're a positive and productive individual that may be worthy of a granddaughter or grandniece's affection? Honestly, I just assume that people help each other as part of the church community but I suppose, if you're more like my ex-husband, you wouldn't lift a finger for anyone if given the choice. The object, really, is to not go out of your way to turn people off.
If you have been a handyman/superman and they still aren't playing matchmaker, find a new church! The old ladies in your current church are busted.
ValentineWiggin
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Joined: 15 May 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,907
Location: Beneath my cat's paw
One person's particular circumstances don't negate the rule, which in this case was a mere suggestion.
I am high functioning. I have compulsive behavior. I tend to make artwork from my food, even before I'm done eating it. I find it very difficult to make eye contact, especially meaningful eye contact. I know what goes on inside of you when you try to do these things. I know the anxiety. Many times I've vomited from the anxiety of just having to go on a date. In fact, that was my entire teenage social life. Not only did I throw up before the date but many times I excused myself during the date to throw up again because I couldn't handle that he obviously liked me.
One guy refused to believe that I was going to be sick. We were making out and I said, "Excuse me, I need to go to the rest room, I'm going to be sick." and he said, "No you're not!" and I tried to get up and he wouldn't let me. I have a brief warning time for such a thing so I ended up throwing up on him. Of course, he never asked me out again but I wouldn't go if he did. I thought he was a jerk for doing that to me. Maybe next time he'll listen to a girl.
Therapy has done wonders. I didn't get therapy until after I was out of a five year long abusive relationship and going for that reason. It was just assumed that all these behaviors were part of PTSD so I was coached on how to behave with other people, how not to cultivate bitterness towards all men (and despite the occasional internet troll calling me a man-hater because I think women are people, it's pretty obvious that I enjoy the company of the opposite sex). I have the same anxiety when making eye contact but I can make eye contact briefly, like walking over hot coals. I also look at glasses, eyebrows or eyelids. If you get close, people will assume you're looking in their eyes. I don't allow the anxiety to get to the point where I have to vomit. You may have to avoid certain traditional dating scenes, like a restaurant, for the sake of not having to make apologies for some mess. I avoided restaurants because I become very nervous in crowds. You can make adjustments to your dating life as necessary. He doesn't call all the shots.
LMAO
nick007
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Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
Reread how I wrote that section, please. I didn't recommend using your actual career... unless your actual career is fry cook, I don't think there's any serious risk of someone making your life a living hell at work.
Question: Are some of you actually reading the post or are you skimming so you can quickly begin to criticize and argue? This has happened more than once so I'm curious now. When I can't respond to you except to say, "Read what I wrote please", there's a serious problem in your comment.
Y'all can argue with my advice and me all you want to. I'll get bored of it at some point. Just understand that I am married and I am trying to help with actual sound advice, not BS. If you don't want to do it, that's your choice; but that doesn't make the advice any less sound.
I really did read all of it. It might be the way you explained/worded your post or it may just be me. I misunderstand things a lot & i was tired at the time
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Last edited by nick007 on 17 May 2011, 11:46 am, edited 1 time in total.
Honestly, I'm not really sure. I'll be the first one to admit if I worded something awkwardly to cause misunderstandings (because it happens). I really believe people are kicking up reflex reactions to bad experiences with workplace romances and not processing that I said something different, but I'll quote exactly what's been in the OP.
I even used the word "fluff" and the phrase "no harm to your actual career". Maybe I should have created a broader "if" than just the current workplace being romantically dead but that doesn't explain the workplace romance war stories that are being argued in response.
I am high functioning. I have compulsive behavior. I tend to make artwork from my food, even before I'm done eating it. I find it very difficult to make eye contact, especially meaningful eye contact. I know what goes on inside of you when you try to do these things. I know the anxiety. Many times I've vomited from the anxiety of just having to go on a date. In fact, that was my entire teenage social life. Not only did I throw up before the date but many times I excused myself during the date to throw up again because I couldn't handle that he obviously liked me.
One guy refused to believe that I was going to be sick. We were making out and I said, "Excuse me, I need to go to the rest room, I'm going to be sick." and he said, "No you're not!" and I tried to get up and he wouldn't let me. I have a brief warning time for such a thing so I ended up throwing up on him. Of course, he never asked me out again but I wouldn't go if he did. I thought he was a jerk for doing that to me. Maybe next time he'll listen to a girl.
Therapy has done wonders. I didn't get therapy until after I was out of a five year long abusive relationship and going for that reason. It was just assumed that all these behaviors were part of PTSD so I was coached on how to behave with other people, how not to cultivate bitterness towards all men (and despite the occasional internet troll calling me a man-hater because I think women are people, it's pretty obvious that I enjoy the company of the opposite sex). I have the same anxiety when making eye contact but I can make eye contact briefly, like walking over hot coals. I also look at glasses, eyebrows or eyelids. If you get close, people will assume you're looking in their eyes. I don't allow the anxiety to get to the point where I have to vomit. You may have to avoid certain traditional dating scenes, like a restaurant, for the sake of not having to make apologies for some mess. I avoided restaurants because I become very nervous in crowds. You can make adjustments to your dating life as necessary. He doesn't call all the shots.
LMAO
Lol. Glad to see i am not the only one in this thread that sometimes makes food sculptures. Food is an art material which is readily available. It is usually only when I am drunk these days that I forget and start sculpture making.
i am glad therapy has helped you. I dont really have that kind of anxiety though. I do have an anxiety disorder but it is linked to issues such as work and achievement, not social. And I have an eating disorder too..
But what I need is not so much therapy but a brain transplant. A therapist cant cuddle tics and odd neurology away.
_________________
"Caravan is the name of my history, and my life an extraordinary adventure."
~ Amin Maalouf
Taking a break.
I do in fact help people, although it tends to be more along tech support lines than handyman...
I understand. Well, if the new church comes after you with torches and pitchforks, you could just return to the old one. If you're ever up to it, it'd be worth a try. Otherwise, there's more options on the list and likely thousands more beyond it.
My niece who is 22 got a part-time job washing hair in a men's only hair salon and has gotten dates. My brother who is 30 something cuts here there and met his significant other there. Guys can meet women by getting jobs in the stores that they frequent. Women can get dates by getting jobs in the stores that men frequent. Look your best and SMILE!!
