Aspie/Aspie Relationship Issues

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Mine have been opposite extremes..
The first was very honest and intense....Extremely volatile.....we had been friends (in a distant, awkward, but sincere way) for years before we dated....We really got to know each other very very well during the course of our relationship...It is hard to explain...I didn't break up with him because I didn't love him, I broke up with him because I thought he needed his freedom and all this other stuff, and I was so emotionally involved with him that it made me have nervous breakdowns, cause I would take his tantrums very literally ...and I got sick of him being mean to me....though I still loved him...as a person and whatnot....there was overwhelming advice that I needed to move on.

The next...no talking about sex....a sense of heavy repression, or perhaps even asexuality and going thru the motions...even a repeated sense that perhaps he did not really like me...there is still no talking about anything...then again there is no yelling or rudeness or meltdowns or fighting....but a frequent sense of absence...I began to feel very lonely a few months into the relationship because I was not used to this kind of distance...and the lack of any communication about the relationship and whatnot...but he is a source of great calmness and stability in my otherwise chaotic and overwhelming life....and i have felt like I should be grateful to him for putting up with me...he is very structured and very right brained and a good deal smarter and "civilized" than I am...and I have often felt like he deserves better than me, and I have done the very best that I could by him, but have gone thru periods of intense loneliness and have had "adjustment" issues.....I hope I do ok....or I hope that I am appreciated somewhat..I make no demands on him, or very few....I do not drag him away too much from his interests, in which he is very very absorbed....but I have still not been the most ideal girlfriends, and have had the perception that he has higher standards that I am not able to live up to...and/or that his "internet life" special interests are more important than a girlfriend...but that it is validating for him to be able to have a girlfriend......and then I have have the notion that perhaps we have perceptions of our relationship that wildly differ...but there is no way of telling because we cannot talk about our relationship......the only context I have been able to bring it up in is when I gently brought up the prospect of our maybe breaking up because I felt like he didn't really like me......

I'm an Aspie guy in a relationship with an Aspie girl & I don't think we have any of these or other issues due to us both being Aspies. I LOVE talking about feelings, discussing issues to work on em, & my partner & relationship are priority over any special interest. I don't withdraw or want my space either. Am I unique for an Aspe guy

She is very lucky.
Talking things out is essential to a relationship between aspies.
Sadly, that has not happened for me, and I am going to have to give up on it.

I'm the lucky one
It's essential for all relationships NOT just Aspies but unfortunately my ex years ago who was NT didn't agree
I don't think not talking things out is an Aspie thing

In my experiences with 2 male aspies, they have been unable to deal with it when I attempted to discuss anything they had said that hurt me, reacting by placing blame with me, rather than attempting to calmly explain their own side of things.

I hit this tonight, when I attempted to explain why his saying 'If I had a girlfriend, I couldn't have an affair' had hurt me.
He could not comprehend why I would be upset by that, because to his mind, it wasn't about me, but was a response to a documentary we had watched. To me, it basically said he did not consider me his girlfriend, even after 5 months and intimacy, which in turn made me feel maybe I had been used.
He said I was selfish, and that everything always comes back to me. Actually, he called me a selfish b***h.

Unfortunately, I meltdown/go into a state of utter self loathing, when these thoughts build up and I cannot express them and find resolution, so my trying to explain, was my attempt at resolving an issue calmly.

I do not know how you would react if your gf expressed hurt at something you had said, and you couldn't understand her reasons for being hurt, but in my instance, it leads only to horrible situations and me stood there in tears while he carries on then goes home.