Very attractive girl says...All I had to do was wait...

Post Reply New Topic

Men in our society are expected to take the initiative and men are more visual also. However even if a guy does get approached and is an Aspie, he may be unaware or not pick up on the subtle hints that a girl is leaving for the guy to pursue unless the female. So as a male, you'll still need skills to initiate and escalate the romance to a level.

Initiating and even responding to someone trying to pick you up requires social skills and for you to take the initiative if you're a male. In some cases in the past, I've been approached and acted disinterested or not known how to respond, I've not picked on hints from girls until later on and I've worn my headphones really loud and pretended not to hear girls talking to me, simply because I didn't feel comfortable socializing so yes, it's harder for aspie men because we're expected to take the initiative in all cases and when we don't, people assume there's something wrong with us or we're perceived as unfriendly.

I think wanting guys that are rude jerks is more an NT woman trait. The terms "bad boys" and "alpha bad boys" sound really stupid by the way.

What nonsense. I actually initiated most of my relationships (on the whole guys are often too shy, though you do get the types who think you are an obsessed psycho if you ask them out, most guys though seem happy to be asked out).

Go and look at the statistics again, male to female singles. In fact when I was single in 2005/2006 in my city I was at a complete disadvantage, a lot of men had gone to live overseas so my city was crawling with pretty, well dressed single women with careers and no men, in their late 20s and 30s.

We were all competing for these men who had remained here, they were at an advantage numbers wise and they knew it, so quite a few of them were behaving like a**holes because they knew they could find another date the next day.

I am surprised that aspie men are thinking so unscientifically as to take the words of one person as gospel.

I grow tired of people hating on someone based on what they look like then assuming the role of a victim to justify their hatred which is underneath it all self hatred.

That's your problem. You can work on yourself or keep hating. People who have this jealousy issue often are mean spirited.

Yes sometimes you do wait because it proves you aren't out for instant gratification. Weeds out the "waaah, I don't like you because you won't put out!"

If that is the case then go rent a prostitute. Women are more on the defense because we have more to worry about.

Perhaps in some cases but as I say the male will still be expected to respond in a way that is taking the initiative and pick up on certain social cues and hints. We are also discussing the dynamics between men and women and social conditioning in general, so to simply base it on one city or a statistic of one area is biased.

It also has to do with men being more visual than women, a woman can go to a bar and stand in a short skirt and she will be approached after by man after man. You're commenting on men you've already met and have taken an interest to for some other reason other than looks or something based externally.

It's an interesting idea, maybe some of the women here could weigh in on that. Also, "bad boys" is not my term, I'm using it out of what I perceive to be generally-accepted convention...

The visual aspect also applies to alot of women as well...well at least autistic women however visual represents more than just what someone looks like. That is best described of as superficial. Men as a whole are more superficial than women in regards to what appeals to them outwardly because women have been sexualized for so long. Men aren't expected to look as good.

Women as a whole are more superficial as in their daily demands of their own appearance. Shaving, grooming, makeup, fashion.

So both combinations feed off of each other.

I am a very visual person meaning I think in pictures, can take pictures in my mind of things I see but I have difficulty processing information if it doesn't come with visuals or I can't conjure up the visuals.

When a woman finds a certain man attractive, she is called superficial.
When a man finds a certain woman attractive, he is just visually stimulated which promotes this "he can't help it, it's not his fault he raped her...she was wearing a skirt!" mentality.

Both = superficial attraction.

Also, you are being visually stimulated if you are looking a pornographic magazines. You are being visually stimulated by media. You are not being visually stimulated by a woman that is wearing a skirt that is right in front of your face. She is a human being in the flesh. Not a picture.

It's not thinking unscientifically , it's thinking logically, men are expected to initiate in most cultures ,hence they require more social skills. <--- Common sense.

Now if your city is that culturally and statistically exceptional....then it's exceptional, not the general rule. Again, I'd said there's no guarantee for anything, there are many other factors, luck and circumstances at play.

Oh yeah, it's extremely encouraging when aspie men outnumber aspie women by 4:1. I guess if you're rich, you can be a bit more optimistic about the statistics.

Population statistics are practically irrelevent at the individual level, statistically the "average" guy gets the most women for example - so why shouldn't you strive to be as "average" as possible?

What does money have to do with it? unless you're interested in purchasing the services of a sex worker.

The fact is that Kirsten is a hot Aspie who has an Aspie boyfriend, and I for one think that's extremely cool.

^ True. She has chosen within the fold.

Human beings only understand the world through the filter of themselves.

The post you quoted reminds me of a female writer, in her mid-50s, who wrote about what a wake up call it was to be old, fat and ugly after spending her entire life young and attractive. She said that when she was 25, she really believed all people were nice and that anyone who complained was just whining or lazy. She said she didn't realize until she was no longer the object of desire how cruel and stupid the world is for everyone else.

Human beings rarely learn a lesson that wasn't smashed into their face with a shovel by real life experience. Human beings, despite their professions of sociability and empathy, lack any capacity to imagine life in another man's shoes.

Fixed.


Not that Grisha's point had *anything* to do with her being Aspie,
merely that she stands in stark contrast to the bald declarations constantly being made about the preferences of females as a whole.

But whatevs, bro.

I like this.



If survival and thriving in human society was dependent on dating, then this might make sense.

It's generally the consensus scientifically that women are more skilled socially, and more social beings in general.

You're absolutely rights, but those social rules are artificial by culture, and they're very recent on the human history scale. Naturally, it would make more sense if women initiate.


So what's up ? Are you denying now that it's not socially expected from men to initiate and it's just all in our heads?

No actually, there are observable neurological differences between men and women in areas critical to social functioning- they're not culturalizations alone.


I'm not on trial, so I'm certainly not "denying" anything.

I acknowledge that men are expected to initiate, and will say I think it stupidly-unfair.