People who take too long to reply

Page 2 of 10 [ 155 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10  Next

fraac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,865

24 Dec 2011, 4:16 pm

Bland and full of cools and awesomes and smiley faces is perfect. They have to feel safe and unpressured.



melvin-z
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 7 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 209

24 Dec 2011, 4:29 pm

I can only assume you're single, fraac. You talk about women like we're timid and stupid.



fraac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,865

24 Dec 2011, 4:34 pm

Do you prefer the OP approach?



smudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,716
Location: Moved on

24 Dec 2011, 4:35 pm

WhiteWidow wrote:
She never replied that day. Or today for that matter.


A day or two isn't that much time to get a reply. Allow 3-4 days.



pastafarian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 549
Location: London

24 Dec 2011, 5:02 pm

Chickems wrote:
fraac wrote:
I'm going to assume that part of WhiteWidow wants to be helped and that's why he posted, even if his most apparent motive was to justify and reinforce his mistake.

Quote:
She asked me if I knew where this cafe was. I said yes, why do you ask?
She never replied.


That's the end of the interaction. From there you let her come back to you at her own speed.

Quote:
So I reply: That's very nice of you to say. What is it about me/my blog that interests you? I'm not sure what the appropriate way about setting this up is. I assume at some point I'll need a way to personally contact you. Should we set this up online, or over the phone? I'm Christopher by the way. I don't want to ask you for too much information right away.


This is honest in a way that makes you sound weak. Girls hate that. Be honest in a way that makes you sound awesome but endearingly clueless, in a way that you're in control of your cluelessness. Once she says she wants to go for a coffee, just say "Cool, I'll be there from around 5pm tomorrow, come and say hey. :)" (you could make it more decisively datey than that ("Meet me there at 5?") but I never would because my image is very slacker-ish and I can't deal with rejection). You have to take control of the encounter or she won't feel like a woman.

After those mistakes it was over. You leave her alone after that. You don't freak out about her ignoring you until you've been married for five years.


Okay dude first of all I am a woman and all your advice just now was sorta douchey and I would never go for a guy who thought and acted like such a a**hole. All of this "weak" BS is disgusting



I'm a woman, and if I am honest fraac is right. I dont like to agree because I dont like the way in which its described. It does sound "sorta douchey" to me too (but "disgusting" I think is well over the top).

So I read the OP a couple of times, and then fraac comments and I sort of agree and disagree.

I'm 45 now but when I was 20-30 I didn't fancy guys who sounded needy. I think WhiteWidow should have let the girl come back at her own speed. Anything could be happening in her life and its best to be cool about that. Its best not to sound needy. If someone didn't let me come back at my own speed, alarm bells would ring.

Lots of geeky guys lose out due to sending out needy signals. Geeky guys make fantastic lovers but some just wont get over the initial hurdle if they seem needy. So its not helpful to say that "weak BS is disgusting". Needy is not initially sexually attractive. Its not a good start. If you get to know someone well, as a friend first, then hyper keeness/needy/weak signals aren't a deal breaker, you've already got through and see the whole person. But if you don't know them at all and all you have got is someone seeming too keen - well its not a good start.



pastafarian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 549
Location: London

24 Dec 2011, 5:21 pm

melvin-z wrote:
I can only assume you're single, fraac. You talk about women like we're timid and stupid.


fraac wrote:
Do you prefer the OP approach?
No I dont, I thought it impatient therefore needy therefore unsexy. With your comments I get a strange mix of insight, and then dull sexism. Your basically right but the language paints women as two dimensional and stupid. I'm guessing its not real sexism but a lack of substantive practice with lots of real girls?



fraac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,865

24 Dec 2011, 5:25 pm

If you recall it sounds like I see all NTs as two-dimensional and stupid. It's not sexism. It's knowing the animal I'm dealing with.



pastafarian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 549
Location: London

24 Dec 2011, 5:35 pm

fraac wrote:
If you recall it sounds like I see all NTs as two-dimensional and stupid. It's not sexism. It's knowing the animal I'm dealing with.


I'm doubly f*****g stupid and two-dimensional then.

Good luck with that, its charming.



fraac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,865

24 Dec 2011, 5:42 pm

"Sounds like". We just have different perspectives. If I talk about NTs it'll sound like I'm talking about model trains moving around a track because that's the top-down view I have of them. They themselves can talk about the motives of all the passengers, the price of the sandwiches in the buffet car, etc. It's just different perspectives.



pastafarian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 549
Location: London

24 Dec 2011, 6:03 pm

fraac wrote:
"Sounds like". We just have different perspectives. If I talk about NTs it'll sound like I'm talking about model trains moving around a track because that's the top-down view I have of them. They themselves can talk about the motives of all the passengers, the price of the sandwiches in the buffet car, etc. It's just different perspectives.


You don't have a top-down view of women. You just think you do.

Your autistic and you are in a good place to have some insight into seeing patterns in behaviour but your data is flawed.
How many grown up women have you actually known in your life?

How many contact hours of chat with people?

I've known hundreds and hundreds and hundreds, spent my whole life chatting and f*****g all night to men and women about anything and everything - the kind of deeply honest and open chat that follows cathartic sex. The only thing I know for sure is there is no top-down view of anyone, not of men, women, NTs, AS.

How can you possibly learn about women if you cant communicate with them?
Do you think women are animals to be studied, not humans to be engaged with?
Observations that are not based on dialogue and shared learning with other brains aren't real. You made them up.



fraac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,865

24 Dec 2011, 6:07 pm

But you know my observations are correct, you just find them offensive because they appear to objectify you. You can conclude that I have experience.



leviathans
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 161
Location: Canada, Qc

24 Dec 2011, 6:55 pm

pastafarian wrote:
I'm 45 now but when I was 20-30 I didn't fancy guys who sounded needy. I think WhiteWidow should have let the girl come back at her own speed. Anything could be happening in her life and its best to be cool about that. Its best not to sound needy. If someone didn't let me come back at my own speed, alarm bells would ring.

Lots of geeky guys lose out due to sending out needy signals. Geeky guys make fantastic lovers but some just wont get over the initial hurdle if they seem needy. So its not helpful to say that "weak BS is disgusting". Needy is not initially sexually attractive. Its not a good start. If you get to know someone well, as a friend first, then hyper keeness/needy/weak signals aren't a deal breaker, you've already got through and see the whole person. But if you don't know them at all and all you have got is someone seeming too keen - well its not a good start.


I agree with not liking people who seems really needy. I'm a guy and do not like needy people either. BUT WhiteWidow didn't sound needy at all! He just sounded clueless and that's pretty normal since that girl seemed so unclear.

She was probably thinking about maybe meeting him while being very unsure and then she decided to abandon the idea. That's it.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,670
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

24 Dec 2011, 7:09 pm

She's not ignoring your messages.

You're just not at the top of her priorities, she would reply you when it's your turn.



fraac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Mar 2011
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,865

24 Dec 2011, 7:11 pm

Mm. It's best not to overthink people's motives. My psychopath friend told me that when I was freaking out one time. The girl was curious then she got shy, don't worry about it.



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 35,278
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

24 Dec 2011, 9:01 pm

Well I think its safe to say she won't be responding to you anymore than......sometimes people take a while to respond because they are trying to figure out what exactly to say. A lot of times people messege me and I don't get back to them for a while......if I was talking to a guy I was potentially intrested in and then when I did not respond quick enough he said;

'why do you take so long, I'm not intrested anymore'......then I would feel like a ret*d idiot for being too slow and maybe be a little upset that's all it took for them to totally lose intrest. Then I would be over it and not want to talk to them anymore.


_________________
Tis the time to melt the Ice.


pastafarian
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2011
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 549
Location: London

25 Dec 2011, 4:14 am

fraac wrote:
But you know my observations are correct, you just find them offensive because they appear to objectify you. You can conclude that I have experience.


Not offensive, I'm very hard to offend. I dont take them personally really. I just find them wrong.

I dont think you realise your models dont work with most women because you dont have a real data set, deliberately. If you did then you would have to admit your NPD powers don't work on most women. Your observations are based on one or two women and then you generalise. Extrapolate from flawed information