22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with AS

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My guess is that the book was written for the 99% of the population that doesn't have an ASD. And if that's the case then you might as well suck up to your target audience by telling them that nothing is their fault.

Well I guess she's explained <1% of the divorce cases. I look forward to the next 40 volumes.

If you look it up on Google Books you can see the table of contents which lists the 22 items. Based on reviews it seems like a lot of folks think it stereotypes men with AS and is rather negative.

22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves A Man With Asperger's Syndrome

(C) RUDY SIMONE

Examples by Kenia Nunez, Listed From the Book

1. There Will Be Loneliness - Example: He may have social withdrawal moments, and may simply want to do his own thing, more often than you would like.

2. There Will Probably be No Public Displays of Affection - Example: May be affectionate in private, but does not want to show the world how much he truly loves or likes you, and frankly does not think it is necessary.

3. Labels and Romantic Expectations Make Him Feel Nervous - Example: The "L" word (LOVE/LIKE) may be difficult at the start of the relationship. Even if he says it in courtship, he may have problems saying it later on in the relationship.

4. He Will Take You and the Relationship for Granted - Example: When he first began to court you, you were his "special interest", now you may be more like an old toy. You are easily replaced by new "special interests" which can come in the form of other humans (not affairs), or objects, or sports.

5. He may have a more patient approach to sex than you do - Example: Due to sensory sensitivities, he may be distracted during sex, while you are full on committed, his focus although there, may be a little off.

6. Communication will always be a challenge - Example: Unless your topic is of interest to him, he may completely tune you out, and he is not good at covering up his lack of interest.

7. There will be shock - Example: When you least expect it, your significant other will act so out of sorts, that you will question the relationship as a whole. For instance: you are both at an event 5 hours from your home; it is 3:00am, and you decide that you have had enough and you want to leave. He is not ready to go and he insists that you can leave without him. You think he is kidding and you give him one last warning that you will leave without him. Sadly, you soon find out that he is dead serious, and he not only encourages you to leave, but walks you to your car so you can take the 5 hour drive by yourself.

8. Your man may not be there for you in crisis - Example: Since people with AS may have difficulty identifying what is appropriate to say in a crisis situation, they may say nothing at all, which will only come across as having a lack of empathy.

9. Many AS males can be cranky, or have bad tempers and can explode at the slightest of things - Example: This is the example of the punishment never fits the crime. For instance, his outbursts and outrage over the fast food clerk forgetting to put cheese on his cheeseburger, may be equivalent to the way you would react if you were punched in the face by a stranger for no good reason.

10. Your man may have a hard time completing a college degree, holding on to a job or seeing things through - Example: Although many individuals with Asperger's are average or above average in intelligence, they learn differently and get bored easily. Due to this, many end up either dropping out of school and inevitably have trouble keeping a job due to the all unwritten rules and nuances of an office. The lucky ones may end up being self employed or working in a place that nurtures their talents and abilities; i. e. the IT department. Many people with AS are very well versed in computers and technology.

11. He may get depressed and/or be completely inert for long periods of time - Example: If you brain is spinning reading this list, can you imagine how someone with AS feels most of the time? They are trying to be their true authentic self, while constantly trying to conform to society. Having AS is emotionally draining, and when they crash emotionally, they may experience moments of depression.

12. There will times he embarrasses you - Example: He may be so blunt, that he may make fun of you or others publicly with little regard for how it makes you feel.

13. Your family and friends may think you're being a doormat and a fool - Example: If he does #12 and you don't bite his head off and have it for dinner, your family will think you are a pushover.

14. People will tell you he's just being a man - Example: Some will say you have a good man, and you are just being too sensitive, and you should just look past the little things he does because it could be worse.

15. You must have a good social support network so you can go out and have fun once in a while - Example: Women who end up with AS men, usually become co-dependent on them (even if they weren't before) because they crave their attention so desperately. Without a good support system of family and friends to take you away from the void you will feel in your relationship, you may also be at risk for depression.

16. Your AS male will not care about the things you do without him and there will be things he does not share with you - Example: He will encourage you to hang out, or do things with your friends, and you will think he does not love you, because if he did, he wouldn't be encouraging you to do your own thing without him.

17. Time holds a different meaning for him than it does for you - Example: If he says he will call you 5 minutes, he really means an hour.

18. He may want to sleep on the couch starting very early in the relationship and continuing throughout - Example: Even though he is quite attracted to you, and desires you, he values his space, and may enjoy sleeping on the couch throughout the relationship.

19. You will never change him, even if you can succeed in getting him to change his behavior - Example: Asperger's is not curable, and there is no magic pill that will change the individual. Their brain is wired so differently, that even through therapy and behavior modification, he may change the way he reacts to things, but you will never change him as a person.

20. Even if he loves and values your relationship, it is possible that you may never get a commitment - Example: He may not place the same value on a wedding ring or a marriage certificate as you may.

21. Many AS/NT relationships go through various metamorphosis - Example: Due to these tricky social behaviors from your AS mate, there may be frequent break-ups and even more passionate make-up sessions; only to repeat this vicious cycle throughout the marriage.

22. Your relationship will stand a much better chance if your man will REACH - Example: If your AS partner does not realize that they have a behavior flaw, then it will be very difficult to correct or adjust his behavior. If your AS partner is not able to REACH and meet you half way, then the relationship stands a very slim chance of surviving as a healthy union.

So it seems that the author is focusing solely on how she believes that a man's ASD deprives a woman of happiness and fulfillment, but that everything would be just fine if only HE would reach out to HER!

Where is the author's compassion? She may as well claim that a blind man would see if only he would open his eyelids and look.

19. You will never change him, even if you can succeed in getting him to change his behavior - Example: Asperger's is not curable, and there is no magic pill that will change the individual. Their brain is wired so differently, that even through therapy and behavior modification, he may change the way he reacts to things, but you will never change him as a person.

22. Your relationship will stand a much better chance if your man will REACH - Example: If your AS partner does not realize that they have a behavior flaw, then it will be very difficult to correct or adjust his behavior. If your AS partner is not able to REACH and meet you half way, then the relationship stands a very slim chance of surviving as a healthy union.

17. Time holds a different meaning for him than it does for you - Example: If he says he will call you 5 minutes, he really means an hour.

This is completely WRONG. Aspies tend to be very literal with the choices of words so when an Aspie says 5 minutes; he really means 5 minute & he may get mad if NT waits an hour

There are no AS women, and if there are, their relationships are much, much easier.

Don't be silly.


/sarcasm

Also:
Yes there is.

Is there one for NT men who love AS women? I'd be scared to read it though. >.<

Me too!

The book mentioned here makes me think the author can't tell the difference between an a***hole and a person with AS. I mean people with AS can be a***holes as much as NTs.

foreword is by maxine aston, that says it all.

put it in the bin.