No feelings from sex.

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I think the problem is that most therapists are NT's and just cannot understand how fundamentally different, how... alien... an AS person's experience of the world can be.


If brains had flavors most people would have vanilla or chocolate. So when a therapist tastes a mint-chocolate chip brain they just don't even know what to do.

I’ve noticed this separation of love and sex for me. For me that act of intercourse is just a mechanical feeling and does not make me feel close to my wife. However, when she is holding on to me in the afterglow, that’s when I feel and need the love. However, I can also get this same feeling by cuddling and being close and even spooning. I get more pleasure from sex from her experience, (especially the sounds of pleasure she makes) than the feeling of an orgasm.
Now I’ve pondered with the question that since my father is an Aspie, why did he always cheat on my mother? He always told me that he always felt like he had to have someone on the side, but he only truly loved my mother. It was just a sexual thrill for him and NOT any romance. Whereas the romance was always with my mother. Of course I’ve expressed to him that this does not make it right, but I can see the separation of sex and romance in his life. Perhaps there is a lack of connection there or maybe we are at the next level, where romance plays at a higher role than “just sex”. Food for thought.

-Scott

It's well known that NT guys cheat just for the sexual 'high', and NT women cheat for the excitement of having someone else who "luvs" them.

I feel the same way.

Had sex a few times between the ages of 16-18. Found it to be boring but assumed it was down to being drunk etc.

Then I spent 3 years in a relationship dodging sex like I was dodging washing the dishes. Finally I realised I was sick of having demands placed on me that meant nothing to me, so I ended it. Pity I knew nothing of AS at the time.

Ewwwgh! Hannibal Lector?

My trouble is, I think too much. And I hate touching people.

I'm saving up to go to the sperm bank.

If I ever became a serial killer I think I'd do it for some reason besides being a canibal.

Thinking too much doesn't have to be the problem. Generally people with ASD's have to think about social situations the way NT's don't. I'm reading Temple Grandin's "Unwritten rules of social relationships" and she makes very good points (and so does her co-author) about how someone with ASD can learn enough social skills through rote training to either pass as normal or to at least be functionally effective in a social situation.

http://www.amazon.com/Unwritten-Rules-S ... F8&s=books

Besides, if you're a girl all you have to do is be hot to attract men. Doesn't mean it's men you'll like, but still you'll attract men.

My ex asked to have sex awhile ago (like a year ago) and I declined. There was a large gap in time and eventually two more times she almost pleaded to have sex with me, and I refused. Eventually we broke up (It wasn't because that, trust me ) but later got back together again (I'm an idiot) and eventually after a couple months we had sex a few times then things spiraled down and everything ended. It felt great, there was quite a bit of an emotional attatchment for me, but I don't think for her. I dunno.. I felt weird for turning her down initially, but maybe that's what I should've done the whole time instead =/

I feel the same way.
A good hug is all I'd feel like.

Socialising is more about info exchange for us, why fantasy is better than reality, why we generally have routines and obsessions.

What do all these point to?

That our mind feeds INTO itself in some way that in an NT mind needs others to fulfill, meaning we can gain more out of solo experiences than communal ones. For me solo experience is heightened as a result, or a quote:

"everything happens when no ones around!"

The only times I've felt things WITH others is through music, or sex, or the sharing of knowledge, which all benefitted my understanding, my hormones, and/or my growth.

I'm trying to explain that its not greater or lesser, its different, it can achieve wonderful things alone in this system of functioning, but it must find a connection with others in a totally different way.

A certain part of the mind turned inwards instead of outwards. So something else must come out, as all things work, this being the routines, "quirkyness", creative energy, and intellectual ability.