26 Dec 2014, 10:32 am
Bloodheart wrote:
Just out of curiosity; Say for example with an NT man it is not a good idea for a woman to show too much affection for them for fear of 'scaring them off' - does that apply for AS/ASD men too?
Absolutely not. Every NT rule in the relationship area should be questioned. This one is a prime example of one that should be broken as much as possible. That's because the neurodiverse "dating" ritual includes females taking initiative and showing their affection. I'd say if this is expressed with stims instead of with words it's even better + NTs won't understand it and thus probably not even notice it.
26 Dec 2014, 10:35 am
26 Dec 2014, 8:33 pm
The "NT rules" like "don't show how you truly feel" are suicide for all relationships, regardless of the neurodiversity scores those involved. Honesty is the only solid basis for a lasting relationship; starting it off with all this "pretend you don't like him" crap doesn't really go over well. I know the OP was long ago, but just throwing this out there for anyone else reading this. 
As an NT, I've never understood why people go through all those fake rituals - they're not helpful or healthy for anyone, but some people won't step out of them.
So, I'd tell everyone (AS or NT or anyone else) to be honest and forget the "rules of the game", unless like a game you want to keep starting over and re-playing it. If you want a relationship that lasts, navigate the relationship based on the other person, not on some set of arbitrary rules.
26 Dec 2014, 11:06 pm
LillaA wrote:
The "NT rules" like "don't show how you truly feel" are suicide for all relationships, regardless of the neurodiversity scores those involved. Honesty is the only solid basis for a lasting relationship; starting it off with all this "pretend you don't like him" crap doesn't really go over well. I know the OP was long ago, but just throwing this out there for anyone else reading this. As an NT, I've never understood why people go through all those fake rituals - they're not helpful or healthy for anyone, but some people won't step out of them.
So, I'd tell everyone (AS or NT or anyone else) to be honest and forget the "rules of the game", unless like a game you want to keep starting over and re-playing it. If you want a relationship that lasts, navigate the relationship based on the other person, not on some set of arbitrary rules.
As an NT, I've never understood why people go through all those fake rituals - they're not helpful or healthy for anyone, but some people won't step out of them.So, I'd tell everyone (AS or NT or anyone else) to be honest and forget the "rules of the game", unless like a game you want to keep starting over and re-playing it. If you want a relationship that lasts, navigate the relationship based on the other person, not on some set of arbitrary rules.
but showing you like them means you creepy/clingy/not confident?
pretending you don't like them makes you not creepy, confident, and hard to getIe more wanted.
27 Dec 2014, 10:07 am
sly279 wrote:
LillaA wrote:
The "NT rules" like "don't show how you truly feel" are suicide for all relationships, regardless of the neurodiversity scores those involved. Honesty is the only solid basis for a lasting relationship; starting it off with all this "pretend you don't like him" crap doesn't really go over well. I know the OP was long ago, but just throwing this out there for anyone else reading this. As an NT, I've never understood why people go through all those fake rituals - they're not helpful or healthy for anyone, but some people won't step out of them.
So, I'd tell everyone (AS or NT or anyone else) to be honest and forget the "rules of the game", unless like a game you want to keep starting over and re-playing it. If you want a relationship that lasts, navigate the relationship based on the other person, not on some set of arbitrary rules.
As an NT, I've never understood why people go through all those fake rituals - they're not helpful or healthy for anyone, but some people won't step out of them.So, I'd tell everyone (AS or NT or anyone else) to be honest and forget the "rules of the game", unless like a game you want to keep starting over and re-playing it. If you want a relationship that lasts, navigate the relationship based on the other person, not on some set of arbitrary rules.
but showing you like them means you creepy/clingy/not confident?
pretending you don't like them makes you not creepy, confident, and hard to getIe more wanted.
I know that's the theory, but it seems like BS to me. Confidence has nothing to do with whether or not you like someone (I actually got more confident through the early stages of our relationship, despite being very open about my feelings), and it's only creepy if you go about it in a creepy way. Honestly saying you like them is different from, say, sneaking in their room to watch them sleep.
The whole "hard to get" thing never really made sense to me either - thinking someone doesn't like me doesn't make me like them more, so "hard to get" never improved things for me. Maybe I just don't think like most people as it relates to relationships. *shrug*
27 Dec 2014, 7:10 pm
LillaA wrote:
sly279 wrote:
LillaA wrote:
The "NT rules" like "don't show how you truly feel" are suicide for all relationships, regardless of the neurodiversity scores those involved. Honesty is the only solid basis for a lasting relationship; starting it off with all this "pretend you don't like him" crap doesn't really go over well. I know the OP was long ago, but just throwing this out there for anyone else reading this. As an NT, I've never understood why people go through all those fake rituals - they're not helpful or healthy for anyone, but some people won't step out of them.
So, I'd tell everyone (AS or NT or anyone else) to be honest and forget the "rules of the game", unless like a game you want to keep starting over and re-playing it. If you want a relationship that lasts, navigate the relationship based on the other person, not on some set of arbitrary rules.
As an NT, I've never understood why people go through all those fake rituals - they're not helpful or healthy for anyone, but some people won't step out of them.So, I'd tell everyone (AS or NT or anyone else) to be honest and forget the "rules of the game", unless like a game you want to keep starting over and re-playing it. If you want a relationship that lasts, navigate the relationship based on the other person, not on some set of arbitrary rules.
but showing you like them means you creepy/clingy/not confident?
pretending you don't like them makes you not creepy, confident, and hard to getIe more wanted.
I know that's the theory, but it seems like BS to me. Confidence has nothing to do with whether or not you like someone (I actually got more confident through the early stages of our relationship, despite being very open about my feelings), and it's only creepy if you go about it in a creepy way. Honestly saying you like them is different from, say, sneaking in their room to watch them sleep.
The whole "hard to get" thing never really made sense to me either - thinking someone doesn't like me doesn't make me like them more, so "hard to get" never improved things for me. Maybe I just don't think like most people as it relates to relationships. *shrug*not what women have told me :'(
creepy has been extended to anything that a person doesn't like in todays society. not just what is real creepy.
I don't either which is why I likely will never have a relationship. I can't understand all the games and rules and they don't seem meaningful to me anyways. I just would like to be open about my feelings without being dumped cause they now find me un confident rather then if I lye and say nothing.
