I just got asked out, and I'm nervous

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PastFixations
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08 Jul 2012, 11:00 am

Blixten wrote:

I'm just worried about my nerves getting in the way of that. I just hate being nervous, and if anyone who has experienced this has any advice on how to control your nervousness, that would be great.

The only way you overcome your nervousness is to face your fears.
I was pretty awkward at one point but I had to overcome that and now I can talk effectively to girls. Just that in my opinion I've not found the right person yet. Still doesn't mean that I wouldn't be able to apply myself.

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deltafunction
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08 Jul 2012, 11:07 am

Just remember that dating can be nerve-wracking for NTs too. Chances are, he's just as nervous as you.

NippityDooDah
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11 Jul 2012, 3:42 am

One way of calming your nerves is to tense up your muscles and then suddenly releasing the tension. You're going to want to do this with muscles not visible, so as to not send unconscious signals that you are nervous. If you're sitting at a table, try it with your feet and leg muscles. In a dark movie theater it shouldn't be hard though...

Wolfheart
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11 Jul 2012, 3:54 am

AScomposer13413 wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

Blixten wrote:

But what if i can't think of normal things to talk about due to nerves? What if I'm too awkward? I always say weird, random things when things get tense.

What if he really likes you? What if he finds your quirkiness and awkwardness cute? What if you have a really good and fun time?

See what I did there? If you can't stop what if thinking or overthinking something, just turn them into positive what ifs.

+ 1 (if you'll excuse the pun...and the rhyme)

Thanks bro

Well I hope it has worked out for her, I'm guessing they had the date by now.

Shau
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11 Jul 2012, 3:55 am

Wolfheart wrote:

Blixten wrote:

But what if i can't think of normal things to talk about due to nerves? What if I'm too awkward? I always say weird, random things when things get tense.

This, my friends, is a fine example of what we call "cognitive behavioral therapy". In specific, this is called "reframing the problem/situation".

Linksies to wiki article!

I highly recommend it! Has solved all kinds of problems for me, including anxiety issues.

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justizabell
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12 Jul 2012, 6:10 pm

How did it go??

Wolfheart
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13 Jul 2012, 4:23 am

Shau wrote:

Wolfheart wrote:

Blixten wrote:

But what if i can't think of normal things to talk about due to nerves? What if I'm too awkward? I always say weird, random things when things get tense.

Thanks for posting the link, that is very helpful for people that need to be introduced to it. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for dummies is also a good book that is an introduction to it, most books on psychology tend to use some form of Cognitive behavioural therapy, even some of them use it subliminally as well without stating their use of it.

edgewaters
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13 Jul 2012, 4:39 am

One trick I use with anxieties is to try to summon up anxiety so intense that it will be a world record for highest level of anxiety ever.

When I fail, then I just say "I'm not capable of anxiety strong enough to do that" ... exploit insecurities against each other, is the idea.

bizboy1
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13 Jul 2012, 10:33 pm

Blixten wrote:

So, this guy just asked me out. We're going to see spiderman next week... He somehow remembered me in passing saying I wanted to see it. I actually can't really afford going to a movie right know but screw it I want to go so I will. But I feel so nervous. I have never done this before. I'm pretty confident when it comes to casual things, but actually dating someone... Haven't done that before. Whenever a guy showed interest that seemed serious, I backed away. But this guy is so great. He's a genuinely kind person, which is why I said yes. (Also he is insanely cute...)

But now I'm nervous. So far he seems to like my goofiness, so I guess that is good. He's not arrogant at all, he's very, very sweet, so I shouldn't become intimidated and feel insecure. But what if i can't think of normal things to talk about due to nerves? What if I'm too awkward? I always say weird, random things when things get tense.

I'm really overthinking this, aren't I? I know it's not a big deal at all, but still... Nervous. Any advice?

Oh, and what should I wear?

You're a woman. The man is probably 10 times more nervous than you. As long as he finds you somewhat attractive he'll like you. I have little sympathy. Women don't understand...

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Stauffenberg
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08 Aug 2012, 7:31 am

So Blixten, How did it go?

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