Fear of trusting, opening up to NT's

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I am currently dating an NT, in fact all my boyfriends have been NT's, I have never dated an Aspie (to my knowledge). My current is still learning about Asperger's Syndrome and appreciates that not all aspies are the same. You do get NT's that are willing to understand people with AS, such as Riverdale.

I wish you all the best with your relationship Riverdale.

Thank you for the compliment I met the man that I'm involved with online, and we have since met. I would recommend this for Aspies because it takes off so much of the pressure of having to navigate trying to meet someone while not having the social skills for dating,etc. You can get to know each other at a more relaxed pace. After you have determined that you have things in common, that you really like each other, etc. you can move on to a face to face meeting. I do think that it's essential to discuss the issue of AS either before you actually meet, at the first meeting or soon after. If the other person is an NT, they are probably going to see that there are some 'different' things about you. Some good, some not so good. If they don't understand about the AS, they might get scared or turned off and want to break off. I may not be explaining this well, please don't take offence. If they care for you and find out about AS, they may be more willing to make a go of it. From my experience, some Aspie behaviour can be see by an NT as uncaring,unfeeling, a bit rude, so it helps to know that certain acts aren't meant to be intentionally hurtful. That's why it's SO important to be honest and let a potential gf/bk or partner know what's going on about the autism. I hope this helps. I believe that there is someone out there for you! Maybe it's just going to take awhile to find them or for them to find you. Don't give up!

It's nice to see that you are open-minded. Yes, Aspies AND NT's can learn so much from each other. There has to be much patience, understanding, care and honestly
involved, though. More so than the average NT/NT combination, I think.

Thank you for the best wishes, Fiz. You seem to be a very caring person. I wish you
the best, also, with your NT boyfriend. Have you had any misunderstandings about emotional issues ie not being able to express your emotions? If so, can you tell me how you are dealing with that?

I find it hard sometimes, but my boyfriend is really understanding. Sometimes I want to tell him I love him but can't. Other times I want to tell him how I feel (good or bad) but don't know where to begin. He seems to know when I want to say something, as he will ask me 'what's wrong?' or 'are you ok?' and then he will prompt me to tell him (without being forceful of course). So I do in the end because he talks to me first by telling me how he feels or by telling me that he is willing to understand. Either that or he makes fun of me (in a good way), making me laugh seems to help. He gets frustrated sometimes (but so do I lol) but then I guess it's understandable.

For things like cuddles and kisses though, I don't find that hard to do, in fact I love it, but he usually initiates it. It's initiating stuff that I have a problem with, he constantly tells me 'if I want to do/say something, just do/say it' which sometimes I can do, but it's always with a little encouragement. Because he understands and because I feel so comfortable with him, and because we love each other, our relationship works really well.

Thank you for responding and sharing, Fiz. I'm really happy for you. It's really encouraging to hear more from Aspies in relationships with NT's or other Aspies.
I've been visiting another website specifically for partners of people with AS, and
it is discouraging. A lot of the (mainly) women have divorced or broken off with
their Aspie partners because of lack of emotion,intimacy,empathy and sex. Some
of the women have been advising to get out of the relationship while it's new because
(the relationship) will only get worse. Reading all that has made me so sad. I don't know what to do. I'm still trying to get the guy I'm involved with to talk about the AS.
He's opened up a little, however, I don't want to push too hard and have him get scared again. I'm still confused about if he has certain feelings for me and just can't show them, or if because of the AS, he doesn't feel that much. I know that I have to initiate
many things, also. Any other Aspies out there in relationships that have this problem?
Thank you again for sharing everyone.

Well, I can only speak for myself in this instance, as I stated before. It does make me happy to know that there are other Aspies out there finding their match. Don't get me wrong about that. For me, however, I'll just wait and see what the future and God have in store for my life. From personal experience, though, me being in a relationship, especially of the qualities I need for one, is doubtful. Thus, I adapt to my situation and make the best of it.

I'm glad you found someone, though. Best of luck to you both, and I hope it lasts for a very long time.

I know that you have very high standards and that is a good thing. On the one hand, you shouldn't have to lower or change your standards (perhaps because you are an Aspie you physically can't) to find someone, however, much about relationships is compromise. I'm sure that there is someone out there for you, but maybe they don't have ONE of the qualities or requirements that you're searching for. No one out there is perfect. They could be out there, but because they are lacking one thing, you don't give them a chance. Are you really out there looking? It would be nice if people just fell into our laps out of the blue (ah, how romantic) but dating, etc. is hard work, even for us NT's. I know that it's much more difficult for Aspies. Do you belong to any clubs with your interests? Can you tell me your age, are you in school? Have you tried an online site for people who are religious/spiritual? Have you ever placed a personal ad in the paper or gone online? Again, thank you for the good wishes.