Long-distance relationships: Do they work?

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Exactly! Which is why personally, I feel that if two people can remain committed to each other through a long distance relationship, they will make it through married life no problem. I personally know couples who did just that, and their family lives today are absolutely exemplary.

I couldn't agree more! A LDR is a tough, tough road to travel, but if a couple reaches the end of that road still intact, they can survive almost anything!

To me, I can't really have an emotional bond with someone I can't hug, kiss, hold hands with, cuddle up with. It may be that someone more adverse to physical contact would not feel the same way but I know that for me, I would not enjoy it. To me a relationship is spending time together, and just talking online or skype doesn't cut it for me. I would feel like I was single since I'd still be third wheeling and missing out on the fun activities we could be doing together. But I am also a person that likes to be out and about and doing things, exploring, etc. A person who is more comfortable at home might feel differently.

In your example, I can't answer without knowing one thing. What are the odds that I would be able to move to where she lives or she to where I live?

As I said, for example, if my wife and I live in Philly, and she gets a great job in Pittsburgh, I would be ok with doing the long distance thing until I was able to get a job in Pittsburgh.

But would I want to be in a long distance relationship with no real possibility of being able to move to her or vise versa, no.

That makes sense to me, apart from the final bit. You're saying because you aren't married to someone you wouldn't commit to them at that level.

The non physical element can be a drag, and it does depend on how important that is to somebody. If someone has enough experience in this field or really has no desires in that way I guess they can hold out for the extended periods a LDR would require of them. If someone hasn't had a lot of physical contact with their desired sex and see relationships as the acceptable / most comfortable means for them to get this then yes LDR is not for that person.

As far as activities go, in LDR's you have to be creative with your time, and learn to do more social activities with other folks. in other words, learn not to be afraid of having fun without your long distance partner. ("fun" does NOT translate to 2 timing or cheating or physical contact LOL).

I agree, I def think some people can do it. To me, I already do the things by myself, so having a GF but not being able to do them with her would be a miserable tease for me.

As for committing at that level, I guess the question would be how did I meet her? If I met her online, I don't know that I could fall in love with her. I could fall in love with the concept of her as presented, but I don't think I could fall in love with her to the level of seriousness.

Now someone I met a conference or if I was a seasonal employee, that could fall into a grey area depending on how intense/close we got during the time we were together. That might be something I'd consider for a short time, taking some trips to see her and then deciding if I want to move.

I guess my thing is, if the relationship was always going to be long distance, I couldn't do it.

It's working for me but it won't be LDR for much longer because we're moving in together soon. My other 2 relationships were LDRs too but things didn't work out for various reasons. I met all 3 from posting about things on forums & I never had any good luck on the many dating sites I've used. it helps if you are able to meet up soon after you've gotten to know each other a bit & things start getting more serious. You also need to be on a similar wavelength & be realsitic about how the relationship can work

Any advice for what you can do if meeting up anytime soon is basically impossible? Southeast Asia is kinda far away, and with my boyfriend being so busy with uni, I'm a bit worried we'll end up drifting apart or something.

I'm sure something like a few hours' drive can work for me, but I once tried a transcontinental one and it didn't work. The "love" feeling died first, before I truly realized why it did: it would be prohibitively expensive to see her and neither of us may want to turn our lives completely upside down by moving overseas. Not to mention that in a relationship, I've decided I need some kind of physical contact at least on occasion.

I really hope this all can work, even though for me, it may be somebody from the LA area.

As I said, you wanna give it a lot of time. Don't go moving over a girl you've known for like a few months. After all, if you can't make a relationship last through sending messages online, how's it gonna last in person?

And that is really key. I believe with a LDR, the test comes before the easy part of the relationship. It requires more work than a convention, SDR (short distance relationship). If a relationship has no commitment, or less that there should be, it's going to fail. In some areas, I have the emotional strength and energy for a LDR. Military couples need to do it, and many of them survive. (However, if I am incorrect, feel free to correct me).

They better, have been with my GF for four years. For at least the next year I will be in another country studying.

I always wonder how tough it is....... and how desperate I am getting.

Yes.

+1

It is kinda tough; getting to meet someone from afar IRL for the first time can be surprising.