20 and still no boyfriend. What is the problem?

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So why are you waiting for the guy to approach you? Why aren't you approaching guys? If you like the guy, ask him!

...and smile!

To the OP: If you have a friend whose opinion you trust, whom you believe will be honest with you, you might try asking this person.

Can you explain the difference to me? And can you be 'spontaneous' or 'not shy' and still come off as closed off?

Last edited by Cafeaulait on 21 Sep 2012, 9:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well I'm not 'chubby' as in fat. I am like Christina Hendricks chubby, or Beyonce chubby. Maybe 'curvy' is the right word.
I once asked a friend of mine what his first impression of me was, and he said he thought i was rather 'vague' (can anyone tell me what that means?) and very insecure...
And I don't really know if I come of as shy with other people. It's hard for me to judge, because when I meet new people, I try to be as spontaneous as I can. I make eye contact, smile and laugh alot... try to ask questions... I try to be friendly.

But appearantly I am doing something wrong...

Yeah, but that'll make me sound so insecure...

Is this one of those rhetorical type questions that doesn't require answering? This is not the wrong place for mind reading

Last edited by Stalk on 21 Sep 2012, 9:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

a fresh clean carcass will get approached by men.
an unattended porche with the keys left in the ignition will be approached by men.
a wallet down a drain hole will be approached by men.
any opportunity for financial advancement will be approached by men.

men are just dressed up apes who can talk (i believe), and i view the process of humanity as rather bestial in a way that i can not identify with.

Uhm, nope, this is a serious question.

Then you will have to give us or somebody a photo. There is a thread that only members can view.

But why would I do that? I know that I look 'good'. On a scale from 1 to 10 I would give myself a 7,5-8.0.
But why does that really matter anyway?

As I've said, I've seen plenty of 'less physically attractive' girls (again: beauty is in the eye of the beholder) have boyfriends as well. I'm sure you have as well.

So I don't know what use it has to put my picture up here...

If you only really wanted sympathy then you should have removed the question in your thread title that asks if you are unattractive. Do you want an honest answer or do you want us to keep lying to you. What does it help if you rate yourself when it is the opinion of a man you seek to find out if you are unattractive.

Are you kidding? If Christina Hendricks is chubby, then being chubby is a 10 from 10. If you have this degree of 'chubbyness', you should have no problem to pass any 'hotness' requirements.

But... be aware that being too friendly is a love killer. It places you in the 'friend' area.

I had this problem too. When I was 20 I was awful at social interaction (bloody asperger stuff) so I tried really hard to smile, laugh, connect and so. The good thing is that eventually you manage to do quite well social interaction. Bad thing is that 'trying too hard' is a sign of insecurity too. And that's a big problem, because NT people don't see the 'I'm bad at social stuff, so I try hard to do my best and become better at it, like with any other stuff you're not good at it'. Instead of it, they see 'I'm insecure, so I try hard because I need to please people'. Flirting involves being a bit unkind and even sligthly rude sometimes. Slightly, like a game, without being annoying. Like the spicy in a meal. It's not easy, and smiling is enough to get you to the 'friend' area, but not to the 'hot' area.

There are many reasons people approach. But its almost never guaranteed to get anyone that way, you're playing the odds.

I found it inspiring what you said, beautys in the eye of the beholder. But that advice holding true, appearance is nice.. but its superficial. If you want someone to spend time with, talk to people you find interesting. Sometimes it will come to you, sometimes it will not and even though girls will get approached you will always being playing a game of luck--by not approaching someone yourself, when finding someone is something you admit to wanting to have (even if you're not desperate for it.)

No one here unfortunately will be able to tell you if you're physically attractive based on a description, it sounds.. whats stereotypically "generally attractive" but thats it, as you said beautys in the eye of the beholder.

Your best way, is to approach.. maybe even subtly.

There is no way to determine if any woman is (un)attractive to men without seeing what she really looks like. Men are visually (un)attracted to women, and any man who has wasted any time on a dating website will be cynical about any description that a woman will post about herself.

A few guidelines:

- Most of the time, a woman is only as physically appealing as she appears in her worst picture.

- No matter how attractive a woman may look in real life, there is at least one man she knows who is completely fed up with her.

- Generally speaking, when a woman asks if she's attractive, she is not expecting the truth -- she just wants someone to say 'yes'.

This.

I think that's probably the issue OP - you're coming across as so cold, so negative, so stand-offish, that you're sending off signals like "GTFO AWAY FROM ME!" to men, like they're some kind of disease. I wouldn't be surprised if it's a lot to do with how you actually feel about other people, and men in particular, deep down.

I mean, I don't meet many women and I can be a bit closed off, but I'm working on that. It's often a confidence issue I think, and working out what you're genuinely comfortable with.

TBH, this is even showing through in your posting. You're asking men if you're attractive or not, but you won't let them see their photo. You seem paranoid and ultra-precious about any part of yourself, and that's a massive turn-off to men - in fact, to anyone. If I were you, I'd get your body language checked out. I bet, at the moment, your body language is screaming "leave me alone at all costs or else".