Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

are there any women out there who appreciate direct guys

Page 2 of 4 [ 50 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

IlovemyAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2012
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: Alone

03 Oct 2012, 1:57 pm

alien91 wrote:
I agree that's its not wise to tell someone you love them right away, but I don't see a problem with letting them know you really like them. I personally know right away whether or not I want an exclusive relationship with someone and act accordingly.I don't like all the deception and mindgames of modern dating, its an everyday occurrence to hear a girl or guy say" well we're kinda dating but I'm not sure how he/ she feels about me." it shouldn't be like that in my opinion, everything should be out in the open. the mysterious route leads to heartbreak sometimes because you may think they have feelings for you but suddenly they drop the "I don't have feelings for you or I only see you as a friend" bomb on ya, this is why its best to be direct and out in the open.


^^^this

I agree completely. I appreciate directness. Even if it's not what you want to hear. I'd rather that than think for months that a guy was interested in me and interested in a relationship only to find out that is not the case. I'd be devastated because I would have invested so much into the perceived relationship that I would feel empty.



Tequila
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 25 Feb 2006
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,897
Location: Lancashire, UK

03 Oct 2012, 2:05 pm

"Ladies, will you sleep with me?"

That sort of direct?



WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,214
Location: California, United States

03 Oct 2012, 2:55 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:
alien91 wrote:
I agree that's its not wise to tell someone you love them right away, but I don't see a problem with letting them know you really like them. I personally know right away whether or not I want an exclusive relationship with someone and act accordingly.I don't like all the deception and mindgames of modern dating, its an everyday occurrence to hear a girl or guy say" well we're kinda dating but I'm not sure how he/ she feels about me." it shouldn't be like that in my opinion, everything should be out in the open. the mysterious route leads to heartbreak sometimes because you may think they have feelings for you but suddenly they drop the "I don't have feelings for you or I only see you as a friend" bomb on ya, this is why its best to be direct and out in the open.


^^^this

I agree completely. I appreciate directness. Even if it's not what you want to hear. I'd rather that than think for months that a guy was interested in me and interested in a relationship only to find out that is not the case. I'd be devastated because I would have invested so much into the perceived relationship that I would feel empty.


i wish girls were not so damn paranoid



IndieSoul
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 342
Location: A planet in the Solar Federation

04 Oct 2012, 5:42 pm

I strongly prefer guys who are direct with me. Or at least I think I would prefer them, seeing as I've never been with a guy. I don't understand the games people play and I really don't want to hurt someone or get hurt in the process of trying to figure it all out. I am very frank and open in conversation and like people who are the same way.


_________________
Invisible airwaves crackle with life
Bright antennae bristle with the energy
Emotional feedback on timeless wavelength
Bearing a gift beyond price, almost free

-RUSH


firefaerie
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 23

04 Oct 2012, 6:58 pm

I like a guy who is direct but has to show some empathy and is not mean in what he says even if it may be true. So being direct and honest is good but at the same time paying compliments and being genuine in the sense of not beating about the bush is good. Where I don't like a guy being direct is when he gets a bit possessive or needy. Bit scary then.



spongy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,055
Location: Patiently waiting for the seventh wave

05 Oct 2012, 12:41 am

Have you heard of PUA?

Its based on different kinds of approaches(the funny approach, the I need help with x approach...) one of the most succesfull approaches is called the direct approach.

Whats the direct approach based on?
Plainly telling someone that you find them attractive: "Hey I was here talking to my friends about things and I noticed you so I just had to come over and say hi to you. Hi"...
Why is it more effective than other sorts of approaches: Because quite a lot of women can see that you dont really need help for your mothers birthday/helping out a friend thats in a weird relationship.... and this one is the most direct one.

That said you have to filter some of what you say in order to avoid scaring someone off:
My partner approached me the other day about when things started. I had put the day that we actually talked about things but I told her that if she wanted we could change it to the day she felt comfortable talking to me and so on.
Her reply was that it was fine and she didnt want to scare me away just yet.

Weve been honest with each other for a while and we have enjoyed this conversations but there are certain things that just need to remain unsaid for a while.



WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,214
Location: California, United States

05 Oct 2012, 12:46 am

the phrase creepy is still thrown around too much



DogsWithoutHorses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,146
Location: New York

05 Oct 2012, 4:09 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
the phrase creepy is still thrown around too much


dude, no
people are uncomfortable a lot


_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.


Kjas
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore

05 Oct 2012, 4:13 am

Tequila wrote:
"Ladies, will you sleep with me?"

That sort of direct?


:lol:

Well... on the positive note, you called them ladies instead of referring to them as females. which always helps. ;) :razz:


_________________
Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html


IlovemyAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2012
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,030
Location: Alone

05 Oct 2012, 11:22 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
alien91 wrote:
I agree that's its not wise to tell someone you love them right away, but I don't see a problem with letting them know you really like them. I personally know right away whether or not I want an exclusive relationship with someone and act accordingly.I don't like all the deception and mindgames of modern dating, its an everyday occurrence to hear a girl or guy say" well we're kinda dating but I'm not sure how he/ she feels about me." it shouldn't be like that in my opinion, everything should be out in the open. the mysterious route leads to heartbreak sometimes because you may think they have feelings for you but suddenly they drop the "I don't have feelings for you or I only see you as a friend" bomb on ya, this is why its best to be direct and out in the open.


^^^this

I agree completely. I appreciate directness. Even if it's not what you want to hear. I'd rather that than think for months that a guy was interested in me and interested in a relationship only to find out that is not the case. I'd be devastated because I would have invested so much into the perceived relationship that I would feel empty.


i wish girls were not so damn paranoid


Paranoid??? in what way??

Quote:
I like a guy who is direct but has to show some empathy and is not mean in what he says even if it may be true. So being direct and honest is good but at the same time paying compliments and being genuine in the sense of not beating about the bush is good. Where I don't like a guy being direct is when he gets a bit possessive or needy. Bit scary then.


^^^Yesss



alien91
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 96
Location: Tn,USA

05 Oct 2012, 10:50 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
the phrase creepy is still thrown around too much
yes! its annoying, women use it without a second thought even when its not called for and then wonder why we get offended.



BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

06 Oct 2012, 12:56 am

alien91 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
the phrase creepy is still thrown around too much
yes! its annoying, women use it without a second thought even when its not called for and then wonder why we get offended.

...but if they feel creeped out by someone's uncomfortable behaviour/vibe, they consider it to be "creepy". That's something you want to avoid at all costs, so knowing how to avoid it is a critical life lesson (and not just for dating!)



BanjoGirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2012
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 644

06 Oct 2012, 1:13 pm

alien91 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
the phrase creepy is still thrown around too much
yes! its annoying, women use it without a second thought even when its not called for and then wonder why we get offended.


When do you think a woman considers that a man is being creepy?

I'm interested.


_________________
I don't use English since September 2007.


BanjoGirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2012
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 644

06 Oct 2012, 1:15 pm

BlueMax wrote:
alien91 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
the phrase creepy is still thrown around too much
yes! its annoying, women use it without a second thought even when its not called for and then wonder why we get offended.

...but if they feel creeped out by someone's uncomfortable behaviour/vibe, they consider it to be "creepy". That's something you want to avoid at all costs, so knowing how to avoid it is a critical life lesson (and not just for dating!)


Same to you.

I want to know what can be considered creepy on normal dates.


_________________
I don't use English since September 2007.


BlueMax
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,285

06 Oct 2012, 1:31 pm

BanjoGirl wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
...but if they feel creeped out by someone's uncomfortable behaviour/vibe, they consider it to be "creepy". That's something you want to avoid at all costs, so knowing how to avoid it is a critical life lesson (and not just for dating!)


Same to you.

I want to know what can be considered creepy on normal dates.

You're the girl - you tell me! Due to past responses, I can't help but somehow feel you're throwing this question at me in order to use my response as a weapon against me. :?

In case you're asking genuinely, if I knew a definite answer to the question I could easily avoid it! It seems to be a million un-spoken tiny elements ranging from how one wears their face, the kind of smile, body language... to the words spoken and the millions of tiny elements of exactly HOW those words were said.



BanjoGirl
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Mar 2012
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 644

06 Oct 2012, 1:52 pm

BlueMax wrote:
BanjoGirl wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
...but if they feel creeped out by someone's uncomfortable behaviour/vibe, they consider it to be "creepy". That's something you want to avoid at all costs, so knowing how to avoid it is a critical life lesson (and not just for dating!)


Same to you.

I want to know what can be considered creepy on normal dates.

You're the girl - you tell me! Due to past responses, I can't help but somehow feel you're throwing this question at me in order to use my response as a weapon against me. :?

In case you're asking genuinely, if I knew a definite answer to the question I could easily avoid it! It seems to be a million un-spoken tiny elements ranging from how one wears their face, the kind of smile, body language... to the words spoken and the millions of tiny elements of exactly HOW those words were said.


I'm asking genuinely! I have no clue, I never had a "traditional" date so I never faced those subtle elements. This is why I asked. To me, creepyness has been always something way worst than those tiny elements you told.

Thanks for the answer :D .

Edit: I don't throw questions to use responses as weapons :roll:


_________________
I don't use English since September 2007.