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ShamelessGit
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30 Oct 2012, 6:55 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
MXH wrote:
ShamelessGit wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Image

acquaintance is the easiest base relationship to date out of, something like being in a class together, volunteering at the same place, being at a mutual friend's party, not a stranger but not a friend. I think this is part of why dating can be so challenging for us in a way it isn't for nt's, were more likely to have a few very close friends not a casual social circle.
Just talking to somebody doesn't guarantee dates, nothing does. I've never dated someone who couldn't talk to me, but I've had plenty of pleasant conversations with people without wanting to date them. If someone has good social skills and is at least average looking, they may just need to meet more people.


This makes me kind of angry because it seems like the cartoon is saying that all guys who want to make friends with girls are like this guy. What if I sincerely have to have an emotional connection with a girl before I can date her? What if just being acquaintances doesn't give me enough information for me to decide if dating would be worth it? What if I can't get erections around women I don't have some sort of emotional attachment to? Am I just screwed?

yep. Or ignores the ones that dont get to liking a girl until after theyre friends.


It seemed pretty clear to me that it was talking about the guys who befriend girls ONLY as a means to getting a relationship.
Maybe I'm just tired and moody today. I haven't done a damn thing right since waking up in the morning



IrishTusk
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30 Oct 2012, 6:58 pm

You know. . .Talking to a Girl is just like talking to any one else.

Just sayin ..


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MXH
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30 Oct 2012, 7:03 pm

IrishTusk wrote:
You know. . .Talking to a Girl is just like talking to any one else.

Just sayin ..

yep, so long as you talk for the same reasons as you would for anyone else. You wouldnt talk the same to a girl you're flirting with as you would to some guy at the grocery store



IrishTusk
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30 Oct 2012, 8:04 pm

MXH wrote:
IrishTusk wrote:
You know. . .Talking to a Girl is just like talking to any one else.

Just sayin ..

yep, so long as you talk for the same reasons as you would for anyone else. You wouldnt talk the same to a girl you're flirting with as you would to some guy at the grocery store


True, But being able to talk to all/most girls with out any anxiety is most of the battle done. Then you know it's not that you can't talk to girls, You just lack the nerve to approach a crush.


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MXH
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30 Oct 2012, 8:10 pm

IrishTusk wrote:
MXH wrote:
IrishTusk wrote:
You know. . .Talking to a Girl is just like talking to any one else.

Just sayin ..

yep, so long as you talk for the same reasons as you would for anyone else. You wouldnt talk the same to a girl you're flirting with as you would to some guy at the grocery store


True, But being able to talk to all/most girls with out any anxiety is most of the battle done. Then you know it's not that you can't talk to girls, You just lack the nerve to approach a crush.


or that the girls arent into you.



1000Knives
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30 Oct 2012, 9:15 pm

IrishTusk wrote:
MXH wrote:
IrishTusk wrote:
You know. . .Talking to a Girl is just like talking to any one else.

Just sayin ..

yep, so long as you talk for the same reasons as you would for anyone else. You wouldnt talk the same to a girl you're flirting with as you would to some guy at the grocery store


True, But being able to talk to all/most girls with out any anxiety is most of the battle done. Then you know it's not that you can't talk to girls, You just lack the nerve to approach a crush.


Nah, not at all. I can walk up to any girl, and talk to her about similar subject matters as I would a male. Except first off, most girls don't want to talk about similar subject matter as guys ("Hey man, I just got this sweet new stereo for my car!") and second off, verbalizing your feelings to a girl is an entirely different battle. So no.



Kjas
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30 Oct 2012, 10:25 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
This makes me kind of angry because it seems like the cartoon is saying that all guys who want to make friends with girls are like this guy. What if I sincerely have to have an emotional connection with a girl before I can date her? What if just being acquaintances doesn't give me enough information for me to decide if dating would be worth it? What if I can't get erections around women I don't have some sort of emotional attachment to? Am I just screwed?


But the majority of guys who do this do it for the reasons implied in the cartoon - which means if you require that way because you need the emotional connection first, then you need to be very upfront about it. For most people it's an attempt to avoid rejection by refusing to be upfront.

That's why if you think you might want to date a girl in future, it's better to keep her in the acquaintance category and be direct about your intentions when it is appropriate, you'll have to be more honest because otherwise she will assume you just want to be friends and friendszone you
.
Don't let it get to "friends", keep it to the acquaintance category for two reasons - first so she knows what you intentions are or might be from the beginning, so she keeps you as an open option as you get to know each other. And secondly so that she doesn't friendzone you.


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1000Knives
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30 Oct 2012, 10:35 pm

Kjas wrote:
ShamelessGit wrote:
This makes me kind of angry because it seems like the cartoon is saying that all guys who want to make friends with girls are like this guy. What if I sincerely have to have an emotional connection with a girl before I can date her? What if just being acquaintances doesn't give me enough information for me to decide if dating would be worth it? What if I can't get erections around women I don't have some sort of emotional attachment to? Am I just screwed?


But the majority of guys who do this do it for the reasons implied in the cartoon - which means if you require that way because you need the emotional connection first, then you need to be very upfront about it. For most people it's an attempt to avoid rejection by refusing to be upfront.

That's why if you think you might want to date a girl in future, it's better to keep her in the acquaintance category and be direct about your intentions when it is appropriate, you'll have to be more honest because otherwise she will assume you just want to be friends and friendszone you
.
Don't let it get to "friends", keep it to the acquaintance category for two reasons - first so she knows what you intentions are or might be from the beginning, so she keeps you as an open option as you get to know each other. And secondly so that she doesn't friendzone you.


Thus why the nuclear option of just not talking to women like ever.



Boxman108
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30 Oct 2012, 11:52 pm

Kjas wrote:
ShamelessGit wrote:
This makes me kind of angry because it seems like the cartoon is saying that all guys who want to make friends with girls are like this guy. What if I sincerely have to have an emotional connection with a girl before I can date her? What if just being acquaintances doesn't give me enough information for me to decide if dating would be worth it? What if I can't get erections around women I don't have some sort of emotional attachment to? Am I just screwed?


But the majority of guys who do this do it for the reasons implied in the cartoon - which means if you require that way because you need the emotional connection first, then you need to be very upfront about it. For most people it's an attempt to avoid rejection by refusing to be upfront.

That's why if you think you might want to date a girl in future, it's better to keep her in the acquaintance category and be direct about your intentions when it is appropriate, you'll have to be more honest because otherwise she will assume you just want to be friends and friendszone you
.
Don't let it get to "friends", keep it to the acquaintance category for two reasons - first so she knows what you intentions are or might be from the beginning, so she keeps you as an open option as you get to know each other. And secondly so that she doesn't friendzone you.


I doubt that would really work too well. You can't get to know an acquaintance on as deep a level as you would a friend. You may as well be asking out a complete stranger at that point. I would not feel comfortable at all getting into a relationship with someone I hardly knew anything about. For me it has to be someone I already feel extremely close to. I don't understand why that kind of thing is so taboo.


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Kjas
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31 Oct 2012, 12:23 am

Boxman108 wrote:
I doubt that would really work too well. You can't get to know an acquaintance on as deep a level as you would a friend. You may as well be asking out a complete stranger at that point. I would not feel comfortable at all getting into a relationship with someone I hardly knew anything about. For me it has to be someone I already feel extremely close to. I don't understand why that kind of thing is so taboo.


If you are getting to know each other, then actually you can.
The whole point was to get to know the person, it's not necessary to be friends with someone to get to know them.

Clearly we have incredibly different definitions of the concept of a "friend".
That's probably adding to the confusion in this thread.


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Boxman108
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31 Oct 2012, 1:20 am

What is your definition of the concept, then?

There are a lot of things that I would need to know about a person before I'd consider the to be worth dating, and a lot of those things are just not appropriate for anyone less than friends to talk about. Even then, each of my friendships are very specific and unique, so it's hard to know exactly what I'd have to share with someone or whether I'd fall for them anyway. Then there's the issue of trust. Every relationship needs that, and you just can't have the same kind of trust with someone you've intentionally put a glass wall up between you and them. It's simply impossible. It seems o me anyone who attempts to go the route of only acquaintances or strangers first would only do so on the basis of the other person looking nice, or for whatever other shallow reason, and don't really respect them. It feels incredibly selfish to me and baffles me as to why it's the norm.


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31 Oct 2012, 1:24 am

Both sides that the two of you discuss exist. The thing is we dont know which one there is more of. Be it guys friending girls to get close to them and ask them out or guys who friend girls and end up falling for them.



Kjas
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31 Oct 2012, 1:31 am

Interesting that you see keeping possiblities open by mutual agreement to be "putting up a glass wall". They are practically opposites.

MXH: Well from observation from NT's, the former seems to be the large majority. Which is why guys like Box are in this situation, because it is assumed that they are the same as them, hence why many girls avoid it simply on the assumption. The only way for guys who genuinely need that emotional connection there first to avoid that assumption it is by radical honesty.


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31 Oct 2012, 1:40 am

Kjas wrote:
Interesting that you see keeping possiblities open by mutual agreement to be "putting up a glass wall". They are practically opposites.

MXH: Well from observation from NT's, the former seems to be the large majority. Which is why guys like Box are in this situation, because it is assumed that they are the same as them, hence why many girls avoid it simply on the assumption. The only way for guys who genuinely need that emotional connection there first to avoid that assumption it is by radical honesty.


Im not sure if NT is a fair label to use here. And again, we cant be sure of the guys intentions to make a sweeping statement. I think its more that it is perceived as the way the cartoon is more than it actually being that way. That some guys do it to escape a fear of rejection is true. But i dont think its fairto say its the majority.

And on the females reaction id think its a bit different than just avoiding them for how theycame onto them and rather avoiding them cause they arent what the girls wanted in the first place.



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31 Oct 2012, 1:42 am

ShamelessGit wrote:

This makes me kind of angry because it seems like the cartoon is saying that all guys who want to make friends with girls are like this guy. What if I sincerely have to have an emotional connection with a girl before I can date her? What if just being acquaintances doesn't give me enough information for me to decide if dating would be worth it? What if I can't get erections around women I don't have some sort of emotional attachment to? Am I just screwed?


No, it's not saying that all anything is anything. it's simply showing an incredibly common thing that occurs. The whole point of dating is to find out whether or not being with that person is worth it or not. Just because you're dating, it doesn't mean you have to be having sex or be thinking about marriage or kids, or any of that. Instead of trying to be friends and hoping that will springboard you to a relationship, just try to have relationships. If you act like you just wanna be friends, that's what you'll be seen as forever. Women very rarely date people they consider friends on the grounds that "it will ruin the wonderful friendship."



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31 Oct 2012, 1:50 am

DerStadtschutz wrote:
ShamelessGit wrote:

This makes me kind of angry because it seems like the cartoon is saying that all guys who want to make friends with girls are like this guy. What if I sincerely have to have an emotional connection with a girl before I can date her? What if just being acquaintances doesn't give me enough information for me to decide if dating would be worth it? What if I can't get erections around women I don't have some sort of emotional attachment to? Am I just screwed?


No, it's not saying that all anything is anything. it's simply showing an incredibly common thing that occurs. The whole point of dating is to find out whether or not being with that person is worth it or not. Just because you're dating, it doesn't mean you have to be having sex or be thinking about marriage or kids, or any of that. Instead of trying to be friends and hoping that will springboard you to a relationship, just try to have relationships. If you act like you just wanna be friends, that's what you'll be seen as forever. Women very rarely date people they consider friends on the grounds that "it will ruin the wonderful friendship."


You have to remember many guys keep hearing from their moms, aunts, and other women to start out being friends and let relationships grow. I know i heard it more than enough. Good thing for me that I never pay attention to those people anyways :lol: