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Vectorspace
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27 Dec 2012, 11:13 am

Enthalpy wrote:
I wish I can just go and visit him but me and him are both on college winter break. I'm scared how he'll react to a text asking him if he wants to hang out but that's the only way. I'm going to have to be really careful with my wording too!

I'm not sure if asking him to "hang out" is a good idea. It sounds so vague.
The best way to start a conversation with an Aspie is talking about something related to his special interests.

That's because Aspies often first choose the activity and then the person to do this activity with (it's a category in the Friendship and Relationship Quotient (FQ) test).

For example: If you know that he's interested in theater plays, ask him to visit the theater together. But don't use the word "date" or anything like that.
I think he understands your intentions, but he doesn't know what to do.



Enthalpy
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27 Dec 2012, 11:24 am

Vectorspace wrote:
I'm not sure if asking him to "hang out" is a good idea. It sounds so vague.
The best way to start a conversation with an Aspie is talking about something related to his special interests.

That's because Aspies often first choose the activity and then the person to do this activity with (it's a category in the Friendship and Relationship Quotient (FQ) test).

For example: If you know that he's interested in theater plays, ask him to visit the theater together. But don't use the word "date" or anything like that.
I think he understands your intentions, but he doesn't know what to do.


I know he likes to play cards. He'd usually skip class a lot and play this card game with a group of guys. When I asked him in person what he usually does on weekends he answered, "not much". So I guess I'll ask if he wants to play cards. How do I word my text? Sorry I'm so clueless here hahaha



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27 Dec 2012, 1:55 pm

ahh, the card game I could think of is Yu-Gi-Oh...

My community college actually banned students from from playing card games as the college would consider it "gambling"


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Enthalpy
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27 Dec 2012, 2:46 pm

mfs1013 wrote:
ahh, the card game I could think of is Yu-Gi-Oh...

My community college actually banned students from from playing card games as the college would consider it "gambling"


Hahaha! At my community college it's this card game called "Magic".



Roxas_XIII
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27 Dec 2012, 4:01 pm

Enthalpy wrote:
mfs1013 wrote:
ahh, the card game I could think of is Yu-Gi-Oh...

My community college actually banned students from from playing card games as the college would consider it "gambling"


Hahaha! At my community college it's this card game called "Magic".



Ah, I know that game. If you can get a deck, I can give you a crash course in how to play. Who knows, perhaps you'll be good enough that he'll consider you a rival and over time that rivalry will develop into friendship and then onward to romance...

(Caveat empor: Roxas watches way too much anime, his advice may or may not apply to the real world. Still best of luck.)


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Vectorspace
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27 Dec 2012, 4:57 pm

Enthalpy wrote:
Vectorspace wrote:
I'm not sure if asking him to "hang out" is a good idea. It sounds so vague.
The best way to start a conversation with an Aspie is talking about something related to his special interests.

That's because Aspies often first choose the activity and then the person to do this activity with (it's a category in the Friendship and Relationship Quotient (FQ) test).

For example: If you know that he's interested in theater plays, ask him to visit the theater together. But don't use the word "date" or anything like that.
I think he understands your intentions, but he doesn't know what to do.


I know he likes to play cards. He'd usually skip class a lot and play this card game with a group of guys.

So he's not so shy among guys?

Quote:
When I asked him in person what he usually does on weekends he answered, "not much".

Maybe he's ashamed that he doesn't do all the partying.
You could ask: "Do you have any plans for this weekend?"

Quote:
So I guess I'll ask if he wants to play cards.

Do you know what kind of game it is? If you don't know the game at all, it might not be such a good idea.
But maybe he likes card and board games in general, so you can suggest that.
Quote:
How do I word my text? Sorry I'm so clueless here hahaha

I've never done anything like that, so I can't tell the exact words, either.
Just use unambiguous vocabulary and don't expect him to read between the lines.
If he doesn't agree at first, that might also be due to his shyness, so gently ask a second time.
Be friendly and show him that you care about him.

Just for a better picture:
Your profile says "Have Asperger's – Undiagnosed". Does this refer to him or to you?
Do you have any previous dating experience?



Enthalpy
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27 Dec 2012, 5:02 pm

I noticed he's quiet in general. When he would sit with them he was the quietest and didn't talk much. He would smile a lot. He was in another class with my sister and she said he would socialize with some of the guys in class, but was very quiet. She did notice that he speaks really fast. She didn't really pay attention to him and also he skipped class a lot.

His lab partner was a girl and he wouldn't really talk to her. He would just stand or sit by her and not say anything. His face would just be serious. When I would be around him though he would attempt to say something and would have a smile on his face. There were times when he'd keep eye contact with me.

I think I may have a social problem.
Yes I have dating experience. The last guy I was with was some jealous/insecure loser who cheated on me. I'm over that guy. I dumped him the second I found out.



Enthalpy
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27 Dec 2012, 8:53 pm

I just texted him asking him if he has any plans. To my surprise he replied with, "This weekend I do because it's New Years. I don't know about next week yet". I replied with, "I just was thinking maybe we could hang out. I miss you!" He didn't reply to that, but I'm guessing because he felt shocked at me asking him out.



Roxas_XIII
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28 Dec 2012, 12:03 am

Enthalpy wrote:
I just texted him asking him if he has any plans. To my surprise he replied with, "This weekend I do because it's New Years. I don't know about next week yet". I replied with, "I just was thinking maybe we could hang out. I miss you!" He didn't reply to that, but I'm guessing because he felt shocked at me asking him out.


Give him some time, maybe until this weekend, and see if he replies. Like you said, it's probably shock and awe. Furthermore, it's more than likely he doesn't even realize you were asking him out. He probably thinks you just wanted to spend time as friends. Either way, even a friend date will work to your advantage.

For now, just play it cool and wait until after New Years, if he doesn't reply by then text him and just ask if he wants to hang out that week. Don't make it sound like you are asking him out in the romantic sense, but do be friendly at the very least. If all that works out, the two of you can spend time together as friends and the possibility of a romantic relationship can be broached at any time.


All eyes are on you, lass. Don't disappoint.


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"Yeah, so this one time, I tried playing poker with tarot cards... got a full house, and about four people died." ~ Unknown comedian

Happy New Year from WP's resident fortune-teller! May the cards be ever in your favor.


Enthalpy
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28 Dec 2012, 8:21 am

I'm glad that he atleast realized I'm trying to hang out with him. I honestly thought he would ignore me. I hope he wants to hang out. I try to tell myself if he didn't want to hang out with me he would just have ignored my text asking what are his plans for this upcoming week.