Perspective! A man can feel like a pestered woman by...

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That's what I was referring to as well. The subway, IMO, being one of the places in NYC that would be more dangerous than most, where people would instinctually rather look over their shoulder at people than engage them in social interaction (not that I hear NYC is overly friendly anyway). It's counter-intuitive to be looking for a date in an environment like that. Any bet if you saw the same girl in a safer place she'd be receptive and you might even get a good conversation out of her.



Well I'm not going there. I'm just saying that in addendum to making more steps in your approach (smiling, eye contact etc), you should make sure it is happening in the right environment too.

An excellent point! Hope you guys are taking notes...

*Looks at where we are* *Looks at said quote* *Looks at where we are again*

We haven't gotten to that obstacle yet, hang on

It doesn't have to be prolonged eye contact though, just quick glances every now and then to try and catch her gaze, then look away. It's all in that Autism Talk TV episode about flirting (disclaimer that this isn't my own advice).

For some reason, I just can't help but seeing an "aspie" looking like a stereotypical robot trying to emulate appropriate nonverbal cues (barring actual acting, though life isn't on a script). Which will probably be worst, as they'll then look creepy and scary to the chick/dude in question.

The whole, standoff and appear the dark and brooding type (in the dating environment) will probably work a lot better than actively approaching others in places that aren't seen as the usual dating environment for the majority, especially when you have to act. Wait for the bite, and reel'er in; the catch will do all the questioning so you only need answer (those who approach the quiet types are often talkative), which isn't that hard (and break up in several months because said person can't make you more social and you don't give them enough of the same, but I won't go there).

Well, this world does belong to the NT's... it's up to US to try and fit into it. We need to train ourselves to look for these cues and mimic them... with practice it can almost become as natural as it is for them - like any other activity done with constant repetition.

Like learning anything new, we will fail. Often. Just learn how to fall on your butt, not your face. With a little knowledge ahead about human behaviour and practice, it can happen. Some of our WP members have practiced this enough to attract mates (some for long-term, some for one-night-stands... to each their own.) It CAN happen. Heck... I've had a few successes in my day! No one is a lost cause unless they give up and refuse to change their own self-destructive patterns.

It doesn't have to belong to NTs. I'd rather fight against that than conform and change my "self destructive patterns"; if the rules changed, those patterns would no longer be defined that way. No one person is worth that much stress or discomfort, especially those who you don't even really know yet.

And all people with vaginas in NYC are absolutely, totally harmless, aren't they.

Self-destructive like poor hygiene, creepy stares, inappropriate comments, insisting everything be done your way, etc. We can sure make our lives easier and more pleasant by making a few minor changes and "fitting in" than insisting on being stubbornly individual and rubbing everyone the wrong way. (Not saying you are - I'm speaking metaphorically.)

And yes, I'm included in that... I have a few habits that need breaking, too.



DAAAAaaaaangerous waters, there! Spoiling for a fight?

Things like creepy stares and inappropriate comments are completely subjective, though. Who's to say what's creepy or inappropriate? I've genuinely felt that way about other people myself, but just because it's considered "normal" by the majority, they are allowed to do or say such things anyway. So I'll be damned if I'm going to censor myself just because a bunch of idiots can't tolerate me. If they don't like it, they don't have to stick around.

What are you even talking about? Again, I made this comment because NYC = huge city = possible need to take extra precautions to ensure your own personal safety (regardless of gender).

I think BM is trying to say that we are responsible for making an effort 50% of the time....... in this case trying to act at least 50% NT in terms of social clues and body lanaguage that they can understand.
I think it's actually a good idea to let the other 50% aspieness show...... it saves the wrong kind of surprises from down the line, and you also need to be yourself.
And most importantly, you can be yourself while making an effort.

This isn't about NT's or whether or not they are right or wrong, this is about making an effort to connect and communicate with another human being.

If we were talking about two people who speak different native languages and they both have at least a bit of second language knowledge, you would use that knowledge if you wanted to connect with them - just like they would generally be at least *somewhat* ok with you as long as you made an effort, and would probably also make an effort of their own if they were interested in connecting with you.
(the language analogy is here so people can leave the NT/AS emotional charges behind for ten seconds to understand the point)

Nobody is avodating for one side or the other ..... they're simply pointing out that going for that "middle point" has more benefits than either, and is therefore the most likely to work if you want to be able to develop a real connection - and part of a real connection is being yourself, but part of it is also making an effort.

there is a love matchmaker in the NYC subway!! !

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/broo ... 7zQ47QvShI

It's not even necessarily about feeling threatened. In my case, I'll just feel annoyed that you've interrupted my reading, and most likely for no better reason than "Her pretty. Ug approach!"
I'll be polite, but I'll be spending the whole conversation looking for a way to end it.

We were saying NYC can be an unsafe place for everybody, not just women.

Anyone else out there who wants to misconstrue words in this thread in order to take a jab?