jadiemachers wrote:
He trusted me enough to tell me about his asd. He thought I was worthy enough to him to know and now he'd rather not talk to me. I let him down by giving him advice about depression which I thought would help and all I did was insult him. He told me I obviously didn't care enough to find out what he's going through. I said that we shouldnt have to conform to what people deem as a "relationship", and just do what works for us as there's no right or wrong here. My suggestion of every 6-8 wks or so going to have some alone time to recharge and have his alone time did not go down well. He thought it wouldn't be a real relationship. But no one would need to know bar us. We could say its work related for example. He worried about how things would look where as I didn't really give a sh*t because its our lives no one else's. He said my life is full of too much drama, but, its beyond my control and I'd love a drama free life too!! If it even exists!! Again thank you for your help guys, its priceless to mex
You certainly didn't do anything wrong, and it's possible that he isn't ready to work on himself in some ways yet. If he feels pushed; in the direction of seeking therapy or making changes, he might be rebelling against you and the relationship. My wife was in therapy (for general life and wellbeing) for many years before we met, and she has a great therapist. I, on the other hand, was burned out on psychiatrists and pills of all kinds, which had been pushed on me since I was a little kid. So if that's the case with your boyfriend, I understand his being insulted (or acting like that) at the suggestion of more of all that "crap". But the fact is that with the right match, a therapist and medications can be the difference between a life of frustration or a life of success.
I was still open to growing and overcoming stuff in life, so I wasn't insulted with my wife's carefully-worded suggestions that I look at myself a little deeper about things. Thankfully I have never had issues with depression, but I have had lots of OCD and ADD problems, which are difficult to impossible to overcome without counseling AND medications sometimes. I think it's all in how a person views himself/herself, and how willing they are to accept that there could be a better way or a better life if they work at it. You can't tell someone that, but you can be there and show a good example, and that's the best you can do. Once they take the ball, it's up to them to run with it. If they don't, then you have to decide if it's OK or not, for that person to be with you. My wife had to abandon several past relationships because the men were unwilling to better themselves, and in turn that would have stumped my wife's personal growth.
Charles
07 Feb 2013, 6:05 pm
