Never initiates phone calls?

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Women typically initiate conversation much less than men. Assuming they are interested, it is because they want the man to do it or because they don't want to come across as desperate.

Returning phone calls is a step in the right direction, but if you invite her out and she comes with you, then you know she's still interested.

^ this, mostly.

I've mentioned in other messages that it literally doesn't occur to me to get in touch with people; I just don't seem to miss people the way people sometimes seem to miss me or something.

I'm an aspie woman who has always hated talking on the phone. I usually end up not knowing what to say to keep the conversation going after a certain point, and also as far as being the one to initiate the call, I always feel like I'm going to bother the other person. So it may not be that she doesn't care, but rather that she doesn't want to smother you by constantly calling.. A lot of women feel that the man should be the one to pursue so maybe she just expects that if you were to stop calling her you would no longer be interested, and as long as you are calling then everything's good between you two.

I agree with Boo here. It must be reciprocal.

In my experience it is a pattern of behavior when the girl simply does not initiate contact at least once after a while:

You (guy) initiates conversations/txts/phone call for about a week or two and all seems nice and going well. She never initiates contact... which is ok the guy is usually the one that has to keep up the contact to show his interest. Third week and beyond the girl simply does not, ever, initiate a conversation or calls or texts or even approaches you or hangs around you so that there is a chance of conversation.

When you're in this situation just stop. Cease initiating contact and see what she does. If she does nothing then forget about her. She's either using you (especially if the ONLY reason she contacts you is when she needs you to do something... never a 'hello') or she merely doesn't consider you as more than just a guy that calls her and talks to her.

In the initial few weeks or at least one month that's ok. Beyond that however I believe it shows she is not interested in you as a person.



This could be misleading really. I know and have experienced this far too many times that girls tend to accept invitations simply because its materially convenient rather than because she's interested in you. Free meal + movie? yay. Free entry to X event? yay. The real test would be if she returns the call when its just to talk (not to do something together) and if she will go out with you for a non-event/non-meal event (hang around campus and talk for example).

Removing the benefits from the equation gives you an idea of her interest...or at least where it lies.

I used to think like that as well, and I still agree to an extent, but always take into account the girl's overall personality.

He barely contacts me. I just take it that he's busy (games/watching TV or whatever). Simple as that. If he doesn't respond for awhile, oh well. *Shrug*

I totally agree with Kimme. When he doesn't call for a while I assume he is busy and don't worry about it.

I completely agree. I am with my partner now for 13 years. Sure, if I know he should be back since two hours and there is bad weather out there and he is driving with the car, I am concerned for him having an accident or so. But if I know that he will be some days at his parents, why should I be concerned?

Sorry, but is it so hard to imagine, that there are people that are happy that there is a door on the toilette, you can close, so you have in this crazy, in every second communicating world, just one place where you can be on your own? The toilette is, as you mentioned it yourself so you seem to know, for pooping. This is the only place in the world, where you can flee at least from the expectation, that everyone has to be available for everyone to be called, contacted, emailed or other god damned s**t in every second of his life. Beside the fact, that I didnt even have until now the idea to bring my mobile phone with me to the toilette. O_o So as long as there is no wipe butt app, I dont know which function of using the toilette needs an mobile phone to be available.

I am not working in a fire departement, and I am not a doctor for organ transplantation, SO GODDAMN THERE NEVER WILL BE ANYONE DYING BECAUSE OF ME NOT BEING AVAILABLE AND BEING COMPLETELY UNWILLING BY PURPOSE TO JOIN THE GLOBAL MADNESS OF BEING "THE MASTER OF IMPORTANCE THAT EVEN HAS TO BE CONTACTING OTHER PEOPLE WHILE sh*****g!"

It feels for me, as if the world has turned in the last 2 decades into a world of 3-year old kids, dying if their deeds are not fulfilled in the second they get them. Its not only about relationships, but about work, family and so on too. "I wrote you an Email 3 minutes ago, did you alread read it?" - "No, I dont have Outlook open all day." - "Oh, you can minimize it and activate settings so you get a popup when a new E-mail arrives." - "I know. Why should I want to change my settings so that my Outlook disturbs me while working on something else?" - "So you instantly know when you have new E-mail." - "Why should I want to be disturbed by knowing instantly have new Email, when I am working on something else anyway?" "..."

If something is so god damn important, then I care to take care of it. And do not terrorize people in an instant, and then blame then for me being incapable of planning the things I WANT FOR MYSELF. If I want to phone with my boyfriend tomorrow evening I send him an SMS about 24 hours before that I plan to do so, and if he agrees, when there would be the best moment to call him. And then he has enough time so that he can choose a moment answer that SMS when it comforts him. No its not about him "having no time". Its about "already planned something else". So if your friends are prophets and know when you will call, so they can prepare yourself its ok. And if they like to be disturbed out of fun, its also ok. As it is ok, that I dont like to be disturbed in my daily plan out of fun. And I usually do not plan to sit all day doing nothing so that if someone calls me without plan, I will not be disturbed by doing something else. Normally I do things, the things I have planned. And I dont want disturbances. So there are disturbances that have to be accepted, but "Hi, I need to disturb you without warning because it was so important for me to talk with you and I am an 3 year old kid without self control, wanting whatever I want in the second I want, feeling forced to cry, throw myself screaming on the floor and feel unloved when not everyone jumps the second I want it..." is none of them.

That doesnt mean I am not available. I am easy available. Just agree with me without terror some days before when you want to call, and I will be available and I will be able to be happy about your call, because of it being not an disturbance and because of me being able to prepare myself to talk to you, about what I want to talk to you, and to care about, that I enjoy your call as well, by looking to be relaxed before and so on, instead of getting an s**t call, disturbing me in the middle of something, making me hasty, stressed and weird and then get the blames why I dont feel happy and relaxed about a call.

So I am sorry, but this is how I feel about it. And as I dont want to be terrorized, I also dont want to terrorize others. Asking me why I have no interest in calling other people without purpose or plan, is for me as if you would call me, why I dont want to s**t on their kitchen table. And if you told me a thousend times that you would feel yourself comforted about me sh*****g in your kitchen table, its still nothing that comes suddenly into my mind. So even if a frient allowed you to do so, how often do you think would you have the idea of doing so, if noone reminds you of doing so? O_o

For me its a really bad thing, and even if others feel comforted, that doesnt change that I normally dont get sudden thoughts that I could do something to a person that I feel myself as terror.

If I may give you an advice from my grown up partner. If you want your girlfriend to call you more often, just tell her how you feel and why you want it. "Hi my dear. The last weeks I would have felt myself more comforted if I could talk to you more often. I like to have more telephone contact more often, when we are apart." - Instead of this teenager testing stuff: "If she really really really loves me (which I do not believe, because I have self esteem issues, which are not important enough to visit a specialized doctor but important enough to bother my girlfriend, who has no professional knowledge, about it.) she will receive the ability of mind reading, so she will know my deeds by telepathic communication, that I wish to have more contact to her. If she doesnt start to read my thoughts, she isnt really loving me."

Sorry, but that NT-relationship mind reading stuff, doesnt work for me. If my partner tells me that somethings bothers him, it is important for me, because he is important for me. But I absolutely need him to tell me his deeds. So as long as he waits for me reading in his mind, what he wants, he will be sad for centuries. And I dont want him to be sad, so I absolutely want him to tell me if somethings bothers him. By simple words. Not by silly tests, mind reading, or anything else.

So if your partner is an female Asperger, then simply tell her whats bothering you. And if she dont care for you being unhappy, then you know she doesnt care about you. But "If she doesnt mindread miles away from me, that I would want her to call me right now, so I can hear her peeing at the toilette, I know she dont love me." will not function.

i find this subject kind of complicated, and i don't think there is a right answer. it seems to depend a lot on the comfort level of the OP, and the comfort level of his friend.

OP, i think that if you want her to call you... maybe ask her. she may or may not do so, as i am not at all sure how interested she is.

if it was me, i don't think it will work to just stop calling and wait for me to call instead. what would happen is that i would look at the established pattern (he always calls me), and i would see that has stopped doing so. i'd figure that for whatever reason, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, otherwise... he'd be calling me like he used to do. i wouldn't understand why he stopped, and i might be a bit hurt.

i might not even ask why - i might just walk away. but knowing me, i'd probably ask. but if i asked him directly why he stopped and he told me, "because i wanted you to start calling me instead," that sounds a whole lot like playing games and i don't have patience for that, so... the same result would happen and i'd walk away.

but again... she might not call because she might not care to. it's hard to say.

@sirhawkeye

Maybe she is afraid of disturbing you at the wrong time, i.e., when you might be driving / working / snoozing / socialising. This is a tricky one, getting this message across. maybe you should plant some big hints, give her examples that essentially suggest that any time is a convenient time for her to call you. In terms of turning this friendship into a relationship; tricky one. You should definitely meet up with her today :)

Same here.. I don't make phone calls unless I have to. I will send the ocational text message every once in a while, though. But yeah, don't really like phone calls. And I am often too much into other things to contact that elusive someone.

Constantly contacting someone will irritate them when they're trying to focus... Unless they love to text, lol.

Ok, now I am sure that I am NT then.

I've read only the bold part of your post because I sensed the rest is irrelevant rant - anyway the girl I talked out turned out to love someone else.

So I am right again, never initiating contact is always the strongest indicator that the girl isn't really interested nor you mean much to her.

Any other explanation is bullcrap.

(and I am talking about the first stages of a relationship when things are still uncertain, not about a relationship of 13 years).

The problem I see with "asking" someone to call you is that it sort of makes you look desperate in my opinion, like you need someone to call you to reassure yourself of your relationship with that person. If someone is going to call me, I want them to call me because they want to, not because they are fulfilling a request.

It depends on how you ask. Begging will make you look desperate... demanding will make you look controlling... but just asking should be fine. Think of it more as offering a standing invitation. The point is to make sure she knows it's okay to call and that you'd appreciate it. It'd probably be a good idea to give a rough time of day that's usually a good time for a call, point out that if you miss the call for some reason it's okay if she tries again another time, and that even if you're in the middle of something you won't mind if she calls. She might just need assurance that the call won't be a bother (and may be appreciated) and a few good hints at when such a call should be made (partly so she knows when is convenient, but also because a particular time/situation for calling might help her remember to do it). Keep it low-pressure, though -- she needs to feel like she CAN call and you'll appreciate it, not like she MUST call.