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Telling OKC dates about ASD PRIOR to meeting

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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Feb 2013, 5:40 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Be pragmatic, guys.

It all depends on how much you can afford to filter out.

Are you getting an endless supply of dates? If yes then you can mention AS to filter people.

But if you are the type of guy who gets a date once in a blue moon, then please...don't be stupid.


I am sure some males find quality to be much more important than quantity just as some females do, so why is it stupid to be honest about yourself simply because you don't have an endless supply of 'dates'? Though if one considers every message a date they may be a little bit ahead of them self.

If ones goal is quantity, yes that would be detrimental....and maybe stupid in that sense but that's about it.


Duh, you always do idealism lectures, don't you?

My advice matters even if the guy is seeking for QUALITY.

If the guy gets a chance to have a relationship with a girl (a date) like once or twice in a year without mentioning AS then mentioning it might make it almost zero.

Little math: the probability of finding the QUALITY girl out of 10 dates a year is higher than one date a year.

You need quantity in order to find the best quality for you, otherwise how would you be able to find her if there was none or too little? Also it's quantity that makes you realize which quality is best for you, if it's too little you might end up with someone whom you though she was your best match but in fact she isn't.

Without appropriate quantity, there's too little chance to find quality.

And no, a date is a date, and not a message. Nice try to be a smartass.

PS: Hiding a such personal info on profile is not dishonesty.



Sweetleaf
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26 Feb 2013, 5:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Be pragmatic, guys.

It all depends on how much you can afford to filter out.

Are you getting an endless supply of dates? If yes then you can mention AS to filter people.

But if you are the type of guy who gets a date once in a blue moon, then please...don't be stupid.


I am sure some males find quality to be much more important than quantity just as some females do, so why is it stupid to be honest about yourself simply because you don't have an endless supply of 'dates'? Though if one considers every message a date they may be a little bit ahead of them self.

If ones goal is quantity, yes that would be detrimental....and maybe stupid in that sense but that's about it.


Duh, you always do idealism lectures, don't you?

My advice matters even if the guy is seeking for QUALITY.

If the guy gets a chance to have a relationship with a girl (a date) like once or twice in a year without mentioning AS then mentioning it might make it almost zero.

Little math: the probability of finding the QUALITY girl out of 10 dates a year is higher than one date a year.

You need quantity in order to find the best quality for you, otherwise how would you be able to find her if there was none or too little? Also it's quantity that makes you realize which quality is best for you, if it's too little you might end up with something who you though she was your best match but in fact she isn't.


It wasn't an idealism lecture it was my opinion...you clearly just don't like that I disagreed with your opinion

I disagree you need quantity in order to find the best quality, too many bad experiances and failed relationships might just demoralize someone rather than help then figure out whats the best match for them. If they want to go process of elimination style then your advice works fine if they would prefer to avoid all the drama and be patient and wait till they find someone they really hit it off with then maybe not so much. It all depends on the person, also if one got in a relationship with someone and they where happy with that person why would it matter if there might be some potentially 'better' match out there. In fact it is probably detrimetnal to always be looking for something 'better' when dating tends to piss the other person in the relationship off when you're just trying them out to see if there's something you'd like better.

But that is just my opinion, if you want to take it as an idealism lecture go right ahead. :|


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Ichinin
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26 Feb 2013, 5:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
QUALITY


Some of us have stopped dating because that word does not seem to exist anywhere within 14 parsecs of a dating site.

Some prefer to filter, some dont and the best way to find out what is good for you, is to try filtering and then not filtering. When i was dating and not filtering, i went out on alot of dates with girls that were mentally immature and totally wrong for me. I rather not do that again.


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Sweetleaf
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26 Feb 2013, 5:52 am

I have to say I do find it quite hilarious when people think their way is the 'only' way.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Feb 2013, 5:54 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Be pragmatic, guys.

It all depends on how much you can afford to filter out.

Are you getting an endless supply of dates? If yes then you can mention AS to filter people.

But if you are the type of guy who gets a date once in a blue moon, then please...don't be stupid.


I am sure some males find quality to be much more important than quantity just as some females do, so why is it stupid to be honest about yourself simply because you don't have an endless supply of 'dates'? Though if one considers every message a date they may be a little bit ahead of them self.

If ones goal is quantity, yes that would be detrimental....and maybe stupid in that sense but that's about it.


Duh, you always do idealism lectures, don't you?

My advice matters even if the guy is seeking for QUALITY.

If the guy gets a chance to have a relationship with a girl (a date) like once or twice in a year without mentioning AS then mentioning it might make it almost zero.

Little math: the probability of finding the QUALITY girl out of 10 dates a year is higher than one date a year.

You need quantity in order to find the best quality for you, otherwise how would you be able to find her if there was none or too little? Also it's quantity that makes you realize which quality is best for you, if it's too little you might end up with something who you though she was your best match but in fact she isn't.


It wasn't an idealism lecture it was my opinion...you clearly just don't like that I disagreed with your opinion

I disagree you need quantity in order to find the best quality, too many bad experiances and failed relationships might just demoralize someone rather than help then figure out whats the best match for them. If they want to go process of elimination style then your advice works fine if they would prefer to avoid all the drama and be patient and wait till they find someone they really hit it off with then maybe not so much. It all depends on the person, also if one got in a relationship with someone and they where happy with that person why would it matter if there might be some potentially 'better' match out there. In fact it is probably detrimetnal to always be looking for something 'better' when dating tends to piss the other person in the relationship off when you're just trying them out to see if there's something you'd like better.

But that is just my opinion, if you want to take it as an idealism lecture go right ahead. :|


That not what I meant, I meant that she might be a bad match and wouldn't lead to a happy relationship per se; but one with too little experience might mistake her as a best match at first.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 26 Feb 2013, 5:57 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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26 Feb 2013, 5:56 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
I have to say I do find it quite hilarious when people think their way is the 'only' way.


Because your way only works well with immortals.



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26 Feb 2013, 6:00 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
That not what I meant, I meant that she might be a bad match and wouldn't lead to a happy relationship per se; but one with too little experience might mistake her as a good match at first.


Well if one finds them self in an unhappy relationship, it can always be ended....also to get all this experience wouldn't you have to break it off with a lot of good matches to? I mean whether one dates often or rarely it is still possible to think someone is a good match at first and find out they aren't later down the road the amount of relationship one has had does not determine the outcome.

One can have all the dating experiance they want, but at the end of the day there is no way to predict the future of how a relationship will turn out. I also think a lot of times relationships don't work out due to people leaving out certain details that might determine compatability or lack of it. People are too busy trying to impress the other sex it ends up being their downfall in relationships.


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26 Feb 2013, 6:01 am

Ichinin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
QUALITY


Some of us have stopped dating because that word does not seem to exist anywhere within 14 parsecs of a dating site.

Some prefer to filter, some dont and the best way to find out what is good for you, is to try filtering and then not filtering. When i was dating and not filtering, i went out on alot of dates with girls that were mentally immature and totally wrong for me. I rather not do that again.


That's true but you were dating lots of girls, I dated lots of girls last year, sure you can get casual action out of it but in terms of a relationship, it's not the best way to go about it. However you are better off not filtering and finding a gem rather than advertising that you want a gem.



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26 Feb 2013, 6:03 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I have to say I do find it quite hilarious when people think their way is the 'only' way.


Because your way only works well with immortals.


So only an immortal could get a date if they are honest about having Aspergers? Alright, because there are clearly no people at all that would not take an issue with someone being upfront about mental conditions they have and maybe still be intrested in dating. I think it is a little bit more in the realms of reality than that.........but I could be wrong, you're obviously the expert here.


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26 Feb 2013, 6:04 am

Sweetleaf wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I have to say I do find it quite hilarious when people think their way is the 'only' way.


Because your way only works well with immortals.


So only an immortal could get a date if they are honest about having Aspergers? Alright, because there are clearly no people at all that would not take an issue with someone being upfront about mental conditions they have and maybe still be intrested in dating. I think it is a little bit more in the realms of reality than that.........but I could be wrong, you're obviously the expert here.


Boo means a hot girl, a hot girl could get lots of dates if she was open about Aspergers.

A guy on the other hand....



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26 Feb 2013, 6:08 am

Wolfheart wrote:
However you are better off not filtering and finding a gem rather than advertising that you want a gem.
Why are you better of though? It seems to me that by 'filtering' out the worthless ones, you are actually saving yourself time and energy because you're not becoming emotionally (and probably financially too according to what I read around here) invested in something that's just going to fail anyway.



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26 Feb 2013, 6:15 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Boo means a hot girl, a hot girl could get lots of dates if she was open about Aspergers.

A guy on the other hand....


Then why didn't he say that? Also If that's the case it seems kind of off topic as last I checked this thread isn't about how many dates a hot girl could get if she was open about Aspergers.


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Ichinin
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26 Feb 2013, 6:15 am

Wolfheart wrote:
That's true but you were dating lots of girls, I dated lots of girls last year, sure you can get casual action out of it but in terms of a relationship, it's not the best way to go about it. However you are better off not filtering and finding a gem rather than advertising that you want a gem.


I *have* dated alot, i started in 2004 when a friend showed me online dating for the first time. Thats 6 years of dating on and off. When i started that journey, all i wanted was to be loved, but then i wanted someone i could live with.


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26 Feb 2013, 6:19 am

periphery wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
However you are better off not filtering and finding a gem rather than advertising that you want a gem.
Why are you better of though? It seems to me that by 'filtering' out the worthless ones, you are actually saving yourself time and energy because you're not becoming emotionally (and probably financially too according to what I read around here) invested in something that's just going to fail anyway.


Not necessarily, I don't see dates as a journey to some great realization or perfect relationship like everyone else does. Dates are meant to be fun, so I can go on them with the intention of having fun with the other person. Dates and relationships that don't lead to the perfect marriage don't mean they have failed because well I gained experience and fun from them so in that sense, they still have value to me.



periphery
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26 Feb 2013, 6:22 am

Wolfheart wrote:
periphery wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
However you are better off not filtering and finding a gem rather than advertising that you want a gem.
Why are you better of though? It seems to me that by 'filtering' out the worthless ones, you are actually saving yourself time and energy because you're not becoming emotionally (and probably financially too according to what I read around here) invested in something that's just going to fail anyway.


Not necessarily, I don't see dates as a journey to some great realization or perfect relationship like everyone else does. Dates are meant to be fun, so I can go on them with the intention of having fun with the other person. Dates and relationships that don't lead to the perfect marriage don't mean they have failed because well I gained experience and fun from them so in that sense, they still have value to me.

Well that's totally fair enough. However I got the sense the OP was actually in it for the destination, and not the journey, otherwise why would he even be considering the filter?.



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26 Feb 2013, 6:29 am

periphery wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
periphery wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
However you are better off not filtering and finding a gem rather than advertising that you want a gem.
Why are you better of though? It seems to me that by 'filtering' out the worthless ones, you are actually saving yourself time and energy because you're not becoming emotionally (and probably financially too according to what I read around here) invested in something that's just going to fail anyway.


Not necessarily, I don't see dates as a journey to some great realization or perfect relationship like everyone else does. Dates are meant to be fun, so I can go on them with the intention of having fun with the other person. Dates and relationships that don't lead to the perfect marriage don't mean they have failed because well I gained experience and fun from them so in that sense, they still have value to me.

Well that's totally fair enough. However I got the sense the OP was actually in it for the destination, and not the journey, otherwise why would he even be considering the filter?.


Well that's understandable, everyone wants someone to accept them for them but you have to learn to love yourself before someone else can love you. You don't tell a person every detail when you write a profile, it's better to let the person in and let them build attraction to you first so they can later just see Asperger's as a part of who you are.