Should I lie about being previously married.

Post Reply New Topic

Why start your relationship with a lie? And, as it is said, "One lie leads to another."

That sounds like a Slippery slope fallecy. I Generally don’t lie unless it is planed strategy It is unlikely that I will match the level. of your average person. I am pretty aware of the evolutionary benefits of lying. It is common in the NT world after all. When done with plan and thought the benefits can be good.

I am considering what my female counterpart would do on a dating website. I assume this female counterpart would have aspergers like myself and very pragmatic, and white because there are very few black women with asperger .

What I would realise after using the dating website is that the share amount of men messaging me 30+ messages a day.

I wouldn’t have time to message every one.( as a guy I don’t have time to respond to every women that messages me).

Time to put in place some filters to reduce quantity and improve quality( the same way an employee does when reading piles of resume and CVs). These crude filters would exclude me without a doubt resulting in me never meeting my female counterpart. Probably the good reason not to lie is because a lot of geeks on this website think it is not a good idea, so I would have a fear chance of finding one of those.

Got to get back to work now, I will finish this when I get back from work. Sorry about the bad grammar I haven’t got time to check.

"Planned strategy"??? Now it sounds more like crime.

Seriously - this is just a bad idea unless your strategy somehow includes telling the truth at some point.

Let's say your... strategy... succeeded and you attracted someone. You start dating. You talk, you share details and history... it won't take long for anyone to start seeing you're telling them a ton of BS. Marriage means you've got a big history with someone and that shows - you can't just pretend it never existed or make up a tiny lie to explain 5 years of your life.

Nobody wants to date a bullshitter. How would you like it if she told you a giant deal-breaking lie on something that was important to you?

You should never lie about these kinds of serious things. Really.

I will tell them after first or second date. My female counter part will understand, especially if she is the type of a type that will not accept an never married 40+ man. I know a older friend like who understands. I met her at a salsa club so I had no reason to lie. I never would have met hear on a dating website if I told the truth. With so much option and little time, what filters should she use/

When you think about this situation, it is madness. You go in the Internet choose a man to have a family with that have less then half chance of marrying. This is not half but considerably less then half chance of settling down. Only to end up with children outside of marriage and leave the children with worst start imaginable.

I don't have to tell you the statistics. Romantic hopes are not going to make problems go away. Reality exists regardless of if you believe it or not. [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvM97_Z9g50[/youtube]

And the reality also exists that it's far more likely she won't just "understand" why you lied - she'll run.

Not everyone is the same. My female friend and family understand. Perhaps, there is a situation where the IDEAL woman will decide not to go out with me when I tell her because she sees me as a liability. But she is going to see that marriage is at least impotent to enough to hide my liabilities regarding the chances of a good marriage.

Some thing goes the other way. If a woman who I dated had a long history of broken families who never married, and attempted to hide it I probably would be very disappointing, and perhaps would see hear as too much of a liability to date. But I would understand that she believe that strong families and marriage is important to me.

The answer to a question that starts with "Should I lie" is pretty much always no, in my opinion. I just caved in and actually made an online dating profile the other day, actually. There is absolutely nothing on it that isn't true. I have, however, chosen to omit certain facts about myself. The fact that I have Asperger's doesn't appear there. Neither does the fact that I've never been in a real relationship (In the box that asks me what my longest previous relationship was, I simply checked "Under 1 year". Technically true, and it's their lowest option). If there is an option (and it seems a pretty sh***y dating site if there isn't) to simply not specify whether or not you've previously been married, in my opinion this is the best route to take. If you end up finding someone, and there is something about you that they perceive as being negative, they're going to find out eventually. When this happens, it will be far better for you if you've told the truth, or at the very least, haven't outright lied.

Since you're dead-set on doing it anyway no matter what anyone advises, let us know how your plan worked out for you.

There is an option for divorce.

I do understand that probably more then most the importance of being honest on dating websites. This is especially true for people who fit in niche markets. You can sell yourself cheap in a flee market or advertise on net by giving a accurate description so those who are looking for you can find you, not someone else.

Trying to be pragmatic here. I feel that I am getting the NT style honesty is best policy. I am not getting new date. I know I that my female counter part is going filter me out on this one criteria. What should the logical step be from here.
* Except that I have little chance of finding her on dating websites.
* Date NT Joe-Likely in the hope persistent attract. Probably get more sex out of this but create lot of compatibilit problems.
* Except the remote possibility that I am not going to get filtered out by her
probably due to he lack of attractiveness forces her to reduce filter.