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dating eight months. limited contact is par?

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lost561
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01 Oct 2013, 1:59 pm

Just curious what makes you stay with this guy? It seems like you aren't that happy. What keeps you making so much effort if he doesn't?



Geekonychus
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01 Oct 2013, 2:01 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
If the girl doesn't tolerate 'reversed roles' (ie. her the driver, him the stay at home dad...etc) then she's not egalitarian at heart.

I agree 100%



Rigor
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01 Oct 2013, 2:01 pm

corkyviolet wrote:
Rigor wrote:
I would say that there's a chance he's about worried being too clingy and scaring you off, and he's just pushing it too far in the other direction.


this could still be a chance...

should i ask him point blank?

If you do it in a non-confrontational way that assuages his fears then I don't see the harm. Just be sure to frame it in a way that you're sad that you aren't together more often, as opposed to mad at him for not pulling his weight in the relationship. I'd say the former is more likely to make him come to his senses whether or not my OP is the case, while the latter will cause him to feel attacked... speaking as an aspie guy that was carless until a few months ago, the lack of a car is probably a major insecurity for him, whether he admits it or not.



corkyviolet
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01 Oct 2013, 3:57 pm

lost561 wrote:
Just curious what makes you stay with this guy? It seems like you aren't that happy. What keeps you making so much effort if he doesn't?


i love him. some of his behaviors i do not like. i'm willing to put forth effort to see if there's a chance that he might compromise; i'm here (WP) because i've never had to deal with such a literal thinker, much less be romantically involved with one, and i could use some help.



corkyviolet
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01 Oct 2013, 4:01 pm

Rigor wrote:
corkyviolet wrote:
Rigor wrote:
I would say that there's a chance he's about worried being too clingy and scaring you off, and he's just pushing it too far in the other direction.


this could still be a chance...

should i ask him point blank?

If you do it in a non-confrontational way that assuages his fears then I don't see the harm. Just be sure to frame it in a way that you're sad that you aren't together more often, as opposed to mad at him for not pulling his weight in the relationship. I'd say the former is more likely to make him come to his senses whether or not my OP is the case, while the latter will cause him to feel attacked... speaking as an aspie guy that was carless until a few months ago, the lack of a car is probably a major insecurity for him, whether he admits it or not.


thank you for this! :)



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Oct 2013, 4:05 pm

corkyviolet wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
*scratching head*

then why this thread again?

Like what messages?


...that he is supposed to call/email/text me. that he is supposed to ask me how my day went. that he is supposed to put forth effort that lets me know i'm important in his life...


Well, yeah....he's supposed to do some of those things naturally from time to time, if there's no reciprocity at all (not necessarily equally) then there's a problem.
But you said he does initiate sometimes, no?



corkyviolet
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01 Oct 2013, 4:35 pm

yes, he does from time to time; an email here, a text there and so far the consistency hasn't changed much, so this is what i'm going to be dealing with...?

they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but i don't want to get used to being alone....otherwise, what's the point in saying i'm in a relationship, right?



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Oct 2013, 4:46 pm

Sigh... and they say aspie guys have it easier in maintaining relationships.



IlovemyAspie
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01 Oct 2013, 5:09 pm

corkyviolet wrote:
yes, he does from time to time; an email here, a text there and so far the consistency hasn't changed much, so this is what i'm going to be dealing with...?

they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but i don't want to get used to being alone....otherwise, what's the point in saying i'm in a relationship, right?


If this is indeed what you are going to be dealing with, will you be happy? If the answer is no then you need to leave. There's nothing wrong from breaking up with someone who doesn't meet your needs. If you continue with the relationship you may just start to resent him. Not everyone can deal with being in a relationship with someone who has AS that doesn't make you a bad person. What would you do if you were in a relationship with an NT who didn't meet your needs?


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