Schneekugel wrote:
Jono wrote:
"I would prefer to date people my own skin colour" Translation: "It's not hard enough to find someone compatible -let's go ahead and dramatically narrow the field P.S. I'm a racist"
First of all, there is no affirmative action in dating, choosing who to date is a highly personal choice. What if someone finds Asians more attractive than black people for example. Is it just because you find people of one particular ethnic group more attractive than another make you a racist. Also, some people say that because of cultural differences. I posted a comment in another thread asking another WP member if part of people saying that they don't want to date aspies may have to do with ableism, she replied that she wouldn't call it ableism because dating is a personal choice and it's their choice not to date people with lax interpersonal skills. How is this different when someone chooses not to date someone within a specific ethnic group, whether it's due to physical attraction or due to cultural differences?
The attractiveness of someone, is something that you recognize, when you meet a person. If you are deciding already before meeting someone, that you want to think of him as less attractive, because of him having this or that race, its simply a prejudice on purpose by you. There is nothing bad if I say, that an asian men might be less often attractive to me, when I meet him, because of asians being in general rather small and slim and having an slightly female touch for me. But
prefering to date this or that is nothing about instinctive affection when meeting someone, but an decision done out of purpose. Having the instinctive impression that asian men look in general a bit more female to me, is not the end of the world. There are still hot asian men existing for me, the general ratio simply is a bit lesser. But thats no reason to "prefer not to date" those. Specially when its about dating for relationships and not One-night-stands. For a one-night-stand I need high physical attraction and basic emotional attraction. For an relationship I need high emotional attraction and basic physical attraction. Someone reducing lots of people out of his "dating pools" only because of minor outer appearance reasons, expresses very open that he cares much more for outer preferences of an possible partner, while inner preferences seem to play no role for him. So an asien men might have less chances to impress me with his physical appearance, but still has the same chances as every men to impress me with his character, so there would ne no reason for me not to date those, when I know, that from out of the many reasons, that you fall in love with someone, only the reasons about outer external appearance might be affected. So I definitely dont want to date someone physically disgusting me, but basic physical attraction is absolutely sufficient, if you have other attractive benefits instead. While someone declaring open "to prefer not to date ..." simply declares, that he dont thinks that any amount of non-physical attractive benefits, could match out the "negative physical attractiveness" of a person depending on its race. And, sorry, thats simply a sh***y thought out of my opinion.
You're creating a false dichotomy between choosing to date someone because of their attractiveness and choosing to date them because of personality or due the things you have in common. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, then of course personality is important. However, that does not mean that physical attraction does not play a role in your initial decision to meet someone. If you're on a dating site like OKCupid, what is the first thing you notice about about other peoples dating profiles? Answer: their profile picture. That is why everyone talks about profile pictures whenever someone on WP asks for advice regarding their dating profile. There are usually hundreds of dating profiles on a dating site like OKCupid, so people see the photos first and then decide to read the profile to see if they have anything in common (personality wise) Though if the site utilises something like match numbers based on questions relating to their personality (which OKCupid does), then that might also be a reason why someone would decide to read a profile. I think it's the same when guy asks a girl out on the first date, though they may know them a little bit before hand. It is only after they start dating that they get to know each others personality.
Schneekugel wrote:
Quote:
"I will not date someone even slightly overweight" Translation: "I do that thing where you mistakenly think it's ok not to address your grotesque personal failings as long you're honest about them"
Same as above, that's a personal choice. I personally wouldn't mind dating someone who is only slightly overweight but again, this may have to do with physical attraction which is more important to both men and women with regards to dating than what you may think.
Maybe I might think, that someone still thinking that physical attraction is THAT important for an relationship, that his expectations must be met by all means, so even 5 minor pounds too much are already more important for him, then someones personality ever can be... simply has no clue about what relationships are about. Or simply dont have totally other preferences about relationships as I do. Anyway: An relationships between us both, simply wont work, so there is no reason to start dating someone, whom I already know, that this hardly will be the person, I want to share the rest of my life with.
Again, personally I wouldn't mind dating someone that is only a little bit overweight but again, just because physical attractiveness is a factor, it doesn't mean that you don't also want common interests and things in common personality wise to have a long-term relationship with them. Though in my case, common interests and personality
can be enough to override some negative things regarding physical attractiveness because that is in some sense more important.
11 Oct 2013, 5:31 am
