To kiss or not on the first date...or does it matter?

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The only kissing rule I have on a first date is not to kiss on the lips if I know I'm not interested, as it's misleading. Other than that it doesn't matter. I'm quite shy so I'm unlikely to make that move on the first date (though it has happened), but I have no problem with the other person going for it if we have both been giving signals that we are attracted to each other (see the post earlier about what to look for).

I probably wouldn't appreciate someone trying to kiss me on the lips if I'd not given any hint that I'd had a nice time with them. A kiss on the cheek I think is fine even at the end of a terrible date. It's more a formality than a gesture of interest, IMO.

Unpleasant and hard to understand for myself, but it makes sense. Everyone is different. If you feel it go myself I doubt my feelings and hold back far too much and it's cost me. Do your best to interpret and follow what you feel like doing. Don't deny your feelings like I do.

There is no rule, other than to do what feels natural. This is why Aspies have such hard time with this because of difficulty reading the cues and the fact that men are expected to make the first move.

I can give you examples from the last two relationships I had:

the most recent relationship - we were friends for ages and used to go out together a lot. One of those times I got very tipsy and decided to come out about my feelings by saying I liked him and informing him I was going to kiss him. He let me but it was a very awkward, chaste, soft lip kiss because I just got a vibe feedback that he wasn't comfortable with anything else. That's all that happened that evening. We talked some more and he said he'd call me.

The one before that, it was another guy who I knew from work for a while and I also knew he liked me and what happened was that we were having a good time in a bar, there was a lot of very obvious flirting from him (and possibly me, I think, I was looking him straight in the face, leaning in, giggling, making innuendo jokes etc.) so he just sort of kept leaning in towards me for the kiss while we were inside but didn't kiss me until we were outside saying goodbye. By that point he was reasonably sure I was going to be responsive to his advances but like everyone, there was always doubt. (I asked afterwards. I always ask heh) Anyway, he was very good with being able to tell the other person's mood etc.

The point is that you ALWAYS have to get the feel for how the other person may react and maybe the way to do that was to try and subtly steer the topic in that direction during the date. However, it's important to not be too obvious about it or too intense - because that would just come off as creepy.

The general rule of thumb, when you are saying goodbye after the first date, see if she offers that she has enjoyed her time and seems genuine about it (beaming face, smile, maybe even touches your arm or something). She may still not be up for a lip kiss so you could try a casual cheek kiss to gauge her response. As long as you are chilled out about whatever happens, like, if she steps back or does any of the avoidance gestures, just make a rueful face and apologise for misjudging the situation. You could then just say something like 'Too early or not interested?' and be cool with whatever the response.

In general, just be cool. Being too earnest or intense is so off putting. Relax and smile and have a good time and maybe she will come to you instead

PS I don't know that you should indulge this habit of wanting to tell them what to do - kissing is a prelude to sex which can only be truly enjoyable if there is constant positive feedback between the couple

Holy crap, do I miss kissing!! !!

Guys, as a rule try to kiss on the second date because then you would be sure that the lady is really interested.

It's not the kiss what would make the second date, and no she won't friendzone you if she's really interested even with no kiss on first date.

Me personally:

Lunch or coffee date, no kiss... it's ok. Possible to kiss discreetly?...all the better.
Evening date - no kiss? I'm done. If he doesn't try to kiss me, I assume no interest. I'm not going to waste my time. I don't kiss him or don't let him kiss me, that's my signal that I'm not interested.

And having kissed, if I don't feel the spark... I'm done there, too.

No, No and Absolutely.