How to be complex and interesting?

Post Reply New Topic

I blame Xbox.

It's much easier, I now know, to remove coffee from an ipad than a laptop keyboard!

Never lick.... I mean never press the blue button. Blue button = Game over.

Wait...you're not related to The Face of Boo are you?

I should never have come up with that analogy of dating feeling like interviews - some people here have really latched onto it.

I was being more specific for online dating, in this case yes: men are candidates, women are the employers.

There are tons of article about this; it should by common sense to notice the strong similarities.
http://sciencecareers.sciencemag.org/ca ... 5127458682

Using judgement is only good if you have a sound bases for which to form an opinion.

For example:
If I'm not mistaken, AspergianMutantt is the same guy who started the "not getting laid will lead to violence againsts women argument" in your Nice Guy(TM) thread. The guy firmly established himself as having no success with dating so I'm not sure how his advice is supposed to be of use.

Clearly it isn't working for him and he's falling back on the same pattern I see nearly every down on thier luck Aspie (male and female) fall into on this board as well as several socially awkward friends in real life. Looking for some magic equation for success which usually only amounts to an overly simplified stereotype about the opposite gender and striving to fit that percieved ideal because they think being themselves isn't adequit enough.

Don't get me wrong, self improvement is a good thing. Strive to stay fit, be less judgemental or bitter, more honest/assertive, more professionally/financially successful all you like but those things need to be done for you not someone else. Otherwise you're just a miserable fake.

Any relationship based on faking and hiding who you are is doomed to fail (miserably and painfully most likely) when the real you (or them) come out.

Meanwhile, any successful happy relationship is doomed to not even start because any truly compatible person (who would otherwise like the real you) will instead see the fake and pass you right by.

I'm going to concur with Eureka and say that nick007 has the best advice. The effort spent trying to be exciting (as if there is any universal standard for that) would be better spent on being supportive and caring. If that's not enough for your girlfriend then she's not worth bothering with and you should look elsewhere. The right girl will find you exciting regardless.

Everyone is born complex and interesting. It's called life. I have the same problem showing someone I "love" how introverted deep and dark I could be, but I'd rather be the cheery one who tries to make everyone feel better. When talking to some girls they tell me it seems like I "put a filter" on most everything I say. So maybe if you where more of an open book, and told her more about you as a person and the life you have lived, then maybe you'd be a bit more interesting to her. I can't really think of anything else short of buying a few automatic weapons and going on bunch of cross-country bank heists, but hey these are your ideas not mine.

Regardless of whether it's true or not........ You know this mindset hurts way more than helps right?

If you go into a date treating it like a job interview and not a date, you pretty much gaurantee that it won't be a laid back experience where two people are casually meeting for the first time. It'll be a meeting where one party is awkwardly trying too hard while almost certainly making the other date (ether conciously or subconciously) nervous as well. Any chance for spontenaity or spark to develop is practically nonexistant. The women who treat themselves as the interviewers create the same issue for themselves (although I'm willing to bet most don't conciously think like this.)

Perfect example: Briansruns and any of his dozens of identical first date related threads. Study those if you want examples of how an otherwise great catch (with plenty to offer a potential partner) can ruin his chances right off the bat.

If you absolutely need to use this analogy for online dating to make sense to you, then I'd say the only one that does work is Online Profile=Resume. Once you actually meet the person it becomes about interpersonal relations not credentials and the analogy breaks down. A resume doesn't create attraction.

It does not matter the perspective, but a fact is a fact, humans are sexual creatures, its how we reproduce, it drives our needs for mating, what sex were attracted too, makes us feel lonely without a mate, and much much more. yes there should be no excuses for sexual abuse or violence, but that does not make it go away for those whom cant seem to control their own urges. humans may be a different kind of beast and evolving, evolving from animal to something else, but were still animals evolving.

Secondly, I have two sons and have been in relationships before,

Basically what I was telling the OP, was to be him self, keep doing what ever he feels the most confident in doing, women like that, and they like seeing ambition in what ever a man chooses to do.