Testing your partner

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I guess you're just less jaded than I am, I guess. I don't believe in romantic love, period. There are too many tests to pass and hoops to jump through for that "love" to be real. It's not love; it's just evolutionary attraction: a woman -- to a man's social value, and a man -- to a woman's ability to give him sex. A woman is naturally attracted to high-status (alpha) men because according to evolution, they carry good genes that women desire. So the man proves his social value, and is rewarded with a woman's sex. Boom! You have a relationship. However, high status can be faked, so a woman thwarts the faking with tests, to protect herself from bad genes that low-status men carry. Tests include making unreasonable demands, yelling, breaking things, etc. She wants to see how a man reacts. If he doesn't react in a dominant way, the way a high-status man would, he's doomed to either a break-up or her pretty much ruining his life. I ended a 10-year friendship because she was testing me; dominant or not, you be the judge. Our society's woman-friendly laws make things even more difficult for low-status men.

Of course, there is still hope. The PUA book I read talked about attractive women testing men in their relationships. I generally stay away from good-looking women, unless it's for a quick friendly conversation, or a Latin dance for one or two songs. "Sour grapes!', you might say. Meh. All I know is that I have not seen such testing behavior in my relationships, which were with fairly plain-looking women.

There is no humor. It's borderline because it not an officially feminist publication, like the "SCUM Manifesto". (SCUM stands for Society for Cutting Up Men.) But its articles are a milder version of it. There's an inordinate number of articles teaching women to control (read: emotionally abuse) their husbands, as well as pointing out men's weaknesses that can be exploited. I've read it occasionally, specially to learn what patterns of behavior to be wary of, and what weaknesses to hide, to avoid being manipulated by my girlfriends. Which, as I pointed out, was redundant, because they weren't attractive.

Actually, the "hey women, use sex to control your man!" mindset is anti-feminist, and is why Cosmo is a laughingstock among actual feminists.

Having been with very manipulative men I can safely say that is not a female trait. It's an egotistical w*ker trait.

Hi. My name is yournamehere. I am currently looking for a feminist who will fix my car. It is a 740il all wheel drive manual transmission car. It needs an engine. I don't trust those horrible anti-feminist shovanistic men to work on my car when it comes to such a daunting laborous task such as this. I pay top dollar. I know you will all jump at the chance.

Only serious inquiries please.

Well, if we look at this from a positive angle you have learned what sort of women you want to avoid, you don't want the plate throwing, manipulative type and I understand that because they are not the kind of women I would personally befriend. Although, as Hale Bopp pointed out, manipulation isn't a gender specific trait. Men can be manipulative too.

What you say about plain girls makes me a little sad because I know a couple of good looking women who are single and I would hate to think that men were avoiding them because they are pretty. They just eat healthy and keep in shape and are naturally pretty, not the cake yourself with orange makeup and foof your hair up type. They are some of my best buddies because they are such nice people to be around.

So what I'm saying is, don't judge a book by it's cover.

If I feel that I'm being manipulated, I run like hell.

You do something to "test" someone's reaction, you're exhibiting a total disregard for their wellbeing - a trait of psychopathy. Might not be strong enough of a trait to put it above the diagnosis threshold, but it is a trait nonetheless that needs to be removed from the species (ie: you don't breed - ever).



Also, don't read PUA books for anything other than the lulz, they turn you into a sexist asswipe.

Agreed. May not be a strong enough trait to call ot that, but I can very likely be a borderline personality disorder. This day and age it is taught to be rather practical. Like for instance the stories I hear about almost being a narcissist is healthy. Have not heard of healthy psychopathy yet, but I am sure sooner or later some psychopath will come up with something like that.

The best things that I ever read that came out of PUA type of material that is actually helpful:

1. "Women don't lie, Men don't listen." Referring to the warnings on what to do and what not to do. Mind you, i think the guy that instructed on this wasn't really a PUA, just a person wise enough to tell you what to expect if you don't listen to the woman you are in a relationship with.

2. "Stand your ground." Need I say more? If someone is being unreasonable with you about their own demands, why stick around? I had one girl who attempted to manipulate me by trying to get me out of hanging out with a friend whom came to visit town and I hadn't seen them in a while. The words used were "I don't know about your priorities, but any man wanting a relationship with me better make me their number one priority."
a. Usually these people are never happy with you anyway and it is impossible to meet their standards or expectations. they then jump from one person to the next because "he f****d up." Not once do these girls think to take responsibility for their actions and behaviour. My advice to these girls would be: Forget Cosmo, read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus."

3. Don't talk about their relationship problems, talk about them. If they can't talk about themselves or share much about themselves, leave them alone. What I learned is that a girl talking about relationship problems to other men outside the relationship can lead them down the road to actions they may regret. They also put themselves in a prime position to be manipulated.

All what I can tell you: Don't ever think to have a relationship with your flatemate.

And if she ever asks you out, change flat.

Well, I don't avoid attractive women because they're attractive. I avoid them because they are more likely to engage in testing behaviors. They do, after all, have many guys pursuing them, and testing filters out diamonds from the rough. Having said that, I have no problem engaging in friendly behaviors with attractive women, some of which bordered on sexual (close hugging in the pool, grinding, etc.). The Ladder Theory, another concept I believe, states that women have different criteria for male friends than for sex partners, and male friend criteria are much more lenient, specifically because sex will never enter the equation.

Remember that women testing men is an evolutionary instinct to protect herself from bad genes that beta males carry. The behavior is almost subconscious. It's done to make sure that the man she's with is a true alpha, not a beta who read a PUA book (or at least just skimmed it, rather than internalizing its instructions). Also, never forget than evolution has no concept of honesty, fairness, and conscience. It's like The Purge, where everything is legal. And it's set out to kill off the weak (betas), and ensure than only the strong (alphas) survive. Luckily, we humans have the intelligence that lets us short-circuit the evolution. Examples would include lowering our standards (something animals are unable to do) and memorizing the alpha behaviors needed for survival.

/\ Heheheheheeeeeeeee.......

it makes me sad to see that anyone buys into PUA writings
It also sounds like the flatmates are horrible people

Cosmo isn't a feminist magazine AT ALL.
Cosmo is a magazine intended for women, but that doesn't make it a feminist magazine.
A feminist magazine would have articles about feminism, sexism, probably explore other political ideologies, explore history, etc. It'd be something more akin to what you'd read in sociology, psychology and political science classes.
Cosmo's a magazine that's about selling perfume, clothes and accessories, with what I'm assuming are random 'feel-good' articles. They may occasionally print something feminist. Cosmo is a capitalist magazine (which is how I'd prolly define most women's magazine) whose sole purpose is to get women to spend money on products.

Granted, I haven't read any articles in Cosmo in well over a decade, so what do I know?

oh dear god. And he takes it all so seriously, too. Cosmo will tell you how to get your best tan ever, though (and no tan lines! GET IT?).

Anyway, OP: Avoid people of any gender who "test" others by playing stupid games like that. The worst of it is you get dopes who read stuff like the PUA material and take it seriously, and then they read all kinds of nonsense into normal-sane-person behavior.

Example: Girlfriend goes to visit hometown friends two states away.
PUA dope: "Dude, she's totally testing you. LOOK OUT."
Reality: She's visiting friends two states away.
PUA dope: "Listen to me, I'll tell you how to game this and stick it right back to her."
Reality: If you do what's suggested, the girlfriend will wonder what turned you into such an incredible a**hole on zero provocation, and will strongly consider dumping you. If you finally explain that you were taking the advice of your moron friend, your girlfriend will be shocked that you'd (a) think any of these things; (b) know a guy like that; (c) listen to a guy like that, and will, again, strongly consider dumping you.

...and I suddenly understand what Sexless Spreadsheet Steve was doing.

I will reject everyones reality, and substitute my own.

You are all fired.

Have a great day.