How to Find Love in a Non-egalitarian Society

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As if only men do such crimes.

http://www.nola.com/crime/index.ssf/201 ... riend.html

i wasn't suggesting that--i was suggesting that it's far more likely to be the other way around, which you well know.

Like how much, there's 50 to 99% of chance that a guy will stab you for telling him why was rejected?

He was talking about a social phenomena, and yet you justify this behavior by showing an extreme case from the news - which I bet it's not the reason why most women don't say the rejection reasons (except the misandrist minds who view men as monsters) - in fact, most women don't say it because truth hurts, one wouldn't say bluntly in someone's face "you're ugly/smelly/dumb/poor" but he/she uses more diplomatic terms like ie. "You're not my type" or "We're not compatible". I've asked women about that before and they all say it's a polite way to not hurt his feeling.

i'm not going to have this conversation again with you, boo. the information about why women may be afraid to reject men in some circumstances is out there if you're interested in educating yourself, but i don't believe you are. i'm not going to waste my time.

I will try to find some legitimate statistics to post here in the next couple of days if I have the time, but starvingartist is right. You may be safe, but how is a woman supposed to know in advance--especially when abusive men tend to start out being charming and then change after they draw you into the relationship? Once you have been in a relationship like that, you can't not try to protect yourself by being more guarded around men. That would be stupid. Even if it doesn't have to you personally, if it happens to a friend or loved one or even just come across the real statistics, it can have the same effect of putting you on guard. I think women are right to take precautions.

This conversation have occurred with women many times (the rejection reasons) - and none of them said "because he might stab me", there was a consensus about being not rude and not wanting to hurt someone's feelings. The true reasons can be often as superficial as looks/height, or as 'he's reminding me of my brother/cousin/friend" to deeper reasons.

Now of course, if some stranger asks out a woman out of the blue then that would be creepy and she wouldn't give him any reason, but I am talking about normal people, the asking out happen between acquaintances.

And what you are talking about (men changing to abusers) is an entirely different issue that has zero to do with what we are talking about.

There are stories on the news about women stabbing men for verbally confronting them, there are stories of wives cutting their husband's dicks, should I take it this as a normalized female behavior? of course not.
starvingaritist's constant repetition of such violent stories about men hurting women, in every forum, in every discussion, is becoming a sexist obsession of her, a clear way to show that men are dangerous in general.

What I am talking about is being in a relationship and rejecting your partner. I'm not talking about declining a second date or an initial date. Controlling guys are likely to do something to you (stalk you, threaten you, rape you, even try to kill you). The statistics show that it is overwhelmingly more likely that men do this to women than women doing this to men. It's not all guys, but there are a lot of guys like that who are out there, and you can't really tell right off-hand who is safe and who isn't. Just like you can't tell who is a pedophile and who isn't. Of course, I live in America, not Lebanon. Perhaps Lebanon is safer than America or Canada, so maybe my experience doesn't apply.

Ah you're talking about dumping and running away from some controlling or abuser guy, for that you're right. I was talking about rejection for a date or 2nd date.


Nope, it is not. http://www.kafa.org.lb/

Oh, come on, now, Boo. The stats are very clear. When people wind up in the hospital or morgue because of a partner, spurned or otherwise, those people are almost always women, there because of men. This isn't a matter of "men are too ashamed to say they're victims of DV", this is simply counting people who turn up seriously injured or dead.

No, it isn't particularly safe for women to do the rejecting, nor is it a matter of "women should grow up". And if you have trouble believing that, I'd suggest you visit any DV shelter of your choosing. (Assuming you can find one. They often keep their locations hidden, because they have to.) They can educate you.

I work with the mentally ill doing what a social worker does (linking them to resources, advocating for them, generally trying to help them live a high-quality life). I cannot claim the title of social worker though because I am not licensed. I have years of work experience but not the schooling. I only have a Bachelor's degree.

I wanted to become a licensed psychologist (a psychotherapist with a Ph.D. in Psychology) but I don't think I am coordinated enough with my non-verbal communication or my understanding of social situations to be a good psychotherapist. What I do now is better. It requires social interaction, but not the really intense social interaction required when you are doing psychotherapy. The main thing when doing social work is to genuinely care about your clients and show them that you care about them through your actions. You don't have to be perfect with social skills. I don't know how things are in the Netherlands but you can get a job like mine with just a Bachelor's degree in the U.S. The only thing is, you will not get paid a lot of money. Getting the Masters and/or Ph.D. is what gets you the money here because then you can get a license and be the boss of your program instead of just a worker bee. By the way, the majority of mental health workers in the U.S. are licensed social workers, not psychologists. It is cheaper to get the M.S. in Social Work than to get a Ph.D in Psychology followed by years of clinicals, and insurance companies and community mental health centers like social workers better because they are cheaper.

These are DV cases, and yes victims are often women. I was talking about the general men's reaction to rejection for a date (not within already established relationship).

This is exactly the reason why the "height norm for couples" exists:
http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archiv ... nd/272585/