Help with Aspie man

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He does miss you, the problem is we can be content being away from our loved one with the knowledge that she/he loves us, we can get 'stuck' so we need to be 'pushed' reminded.

We like our alone time and we have normal human emotions like everyone else but we have a kind of default position of being by ourselves.

It sounds odd to me, maybe he has a lower sex drive than me. I am an aspie man, when I started to have a physical relationship with my wife I was always trying to spend as many evenings and weekends with my girlfriend.

Have you considered going for a weekend to be with him at the farm, I do not know if you could take your daughter with you ans find some other bedroom for her to sleep in while you are with your man.

If he works on a farm it is important to bear in mind that a farm is an industrial site, also depending on what type of farm he is working on a farm is something which you can not just go on holiday from. If you have animals you may well need to be around to look after them, for example dairy cows need milking every 12 hours no matter how much you want to sleep with your young lady at her house you might not be able to if you have 50 cows which need your attention every 10 hours.

I think he is very rigid about his way of life, he needs to choose you or his way of life but on the otherhand think does he have a responsibility at the farm which he needs rather than wants to attend to.

_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.

Thanks everyone for your input. At first I believed he was trying to hide symptoms/traits from me. But, he can't do than forever....I know it can be exhausting to do. Does alcohol help with this

@Zacfiend, what do you mean by 'getting stuck'? Do you believe that he is aware that the distance will destroy the relationship? I've expressed my need to see him more in the past. He said he sees me whenever he can, but it always seems like an afterthought...

I do however wish to get a longterm relationship someday, kids too.. i love kids!

For me it is not doable at this stage, but i am still young, learning adapting to this strange society.

I cannot speak for him, i do however hope thebest for you and that you may give him the space he needs to slowly grow into your relationship

One thing you can do, CodeGrey, is freeze your eggs. It's not as simple as the natural way to have a baby of course, but if you're worried about running out of time, this is a better option than becoming pregnant with someone you aren't sure will be very involved and supportive.

I've looked into doing this myself. You take some fertility drugs, which help you to produce more eggs, and then a doctor extracts them in an easy outpatient procedure. Not sure what state you live in, but you can google places near you that will do this. If he's interested, your guy can do this too, with his sperm. Then when the time is right for you both, you can have the fertilized egg placed inside you. And if you decide this guy is not the right one, you can always use a sperm donor, or perhaps someone else you've met.

As for what you mentioned about getting no response when you ask questions like "are you sure about us", I agree with KraftieKortie-- he doesn't respond because he's annoyed with the question. My husband has Aspergers and when I ask him things like "do you really love me?" he gets offended. He says it's an insulting question, and he often refuses to answer it. He feels like he's answered this question before, and also that it's obvious he loves me by how he treats me. It doesn't always seem so obvious to me (!), but NTs and Aspies often think about these things differently.

CodeGrey, ask yourself this:

Would you be happy in a marriage like this? Living together, but being ignored most of the time?
Would you want to raise a child in an environment like this, with a father who can't or doesn't want to be present most of the time?
What you see now is what you'd get..only better. This is courtship.
It really does sound like he's got some wonderful attributes, but you're talking about committing yourself to raise a child until you're about 60 years old. If he's like this now, you'll be doing this work on your own. If you decide you can't bear it anymore and have to leave, then you'll have to ask yourself questions about custody, because he'll have that right. Would you trust him to look after your 12-year-old for days at a time, even if she's kind of going through a clingy/needy phase?

Others here are correct: there are ways to have another child without locking yourself into a difficult relationship.

CodeGrey, my advice is to log out of WP, only you can know what's best to do; you don't need WP.

You might suggest to live together, only then you can tell if he'll be a good father.

Update--underground again... No communication since Sunday.

LOL....in any other case, this would be Ultimatum Time!

I can see that you're pretty strong-willed, and that this frustrating for you.

Maybe you could text him a brief message, just to say Hi.

This guy's really messing up! And I actually look like my avatar :p. I did message him, asked if he's ok....I'm feeling an end to this though.

CodeGrey; He's acting normal for an Aspie.

If this is confusing you, and you're unable to live with this sort of thing for the next 20 years, get out now before a child is involved.

My own experience:
I fall in love easily. And I mean every word I say. What you say bout him reflect myself.
You seem too eager to please him, too eager to have a child, and perhaps too eager to live with him. This would scare the hell out of me if I was him. And for me here, it worries me.

It's not ego, it's not selfishness, it's not avoidance, it's not everything you fear.
Aspies enjoy company in doses. Once we've had company for a couple hours or a day, we're full and will be happy for the rest of the week, quite easily.

As long as we can believe you love us, that is sufficient for us to believe it and be content with it. We don't need (or want) constant company, or constant reminding, or constant reinforcing. If we believe it, it will stick.

You're question of an emotional nature not getting a reponce: I can't speak for everybody, as everybody is different. But generaly speaking, we lack understanding of emotions, which include our own. Strong emotions such as Love, Hate, Fear are easily understood. If he loves you, he'll know it. It's all the smaller emotions which are difficult to impossible for me to determine. And asking my how I feel, I probably wouldn't be able to give much of an answer. Confused seems to be the default emotion for everything other than Love, Hate, Fear.

If you want to test the relationship further, then do that.
Sit back, relax, trust that he loves you, and test the relationship for 6 months or so. And YOU decide if you can live with it or not.

cheers.