People letting themselves go once in a relationship.

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I really don't believe in the theory that it's some kind of plan on the woman's part to fool a man into being attracted to her so she can snare him and then stop caring about her appearance. It's possible that some people may feel that way, but overweight people already know they're overweight and (with or without a partner "tied down") no one wants to feel unattractive.

I really don't believe in the theory that it's some kind of plan on the woman's part to fool a man into being attracted to her so she can snare him and then stop caring about her appearance. It's possible that some people may feel that way, but overweight people already know they're overweight and (with or without a partner "tied down") no one wants to feel unattractive.
I do feel that a person's weight is mostly their own responsibility, but the idea that it's some kind of wrong-doing on their part requires you to completely ignore their feelings about themselves and judge them solely by your own standards. We don't want NTs doing it to us, and should try not to do it to anyone else.

Sure, and they should suit themselves, but I'm commenting on what I see around me. Me personally, I will never ever let myself go so much and stuff myself with unhealthy foods when I've had children. Nor will I ever cut my curly hair short like a man's just because it's easier. I want to be a gorgeous healthy and slim mom like my mother was. Others can do what they want.

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Physical attraction is a part of love. This isn't about "owing" anything, it's about self-consistency. If I started to date someone who said they loved to read, and then on a second date find out I can't talk to her about books because webcomics is her definition of literature, I have been lied to.
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The two examples you are giving here do not go together. The reading and whether or not someone is telling the truth is something you will discover while you are getting to know someone.

The "self-consistency" you are looking for in regards to physical attraction over time is a ridiculous expectation. Should we women expect our men to have a head full of hair the rest of their lives? Over and over and over on this thread, children have been discussed. They change a woman's body in certain ways that can *never* be changed back. And if a woman has a had a C-section it is especially difficult to do the exercises necessary to get the abdomen back in shape. If you can't deal with a woman gaining weight or changing body shape through pregnancy and childbirth, you are not ready for a relationship with a real woman.

I've had two children, both by C-section. I can tell you that part of my abdomen muscles are pemanantly damaged from the procedure. 16 years later, I am STILL NUMB at the incision site. Basically, that section of my body is partly paralyzed. Guess what? It's not responding to crunches!

Self-consistency is not realistic even when it comes to personality. People change over time. That is what happens. When people are in a relationship, they change along with the other person and *because* of the other person. We all change to shape each other. It is like a big boulder in the ocean. The waves crash and change shape as they break against the rock, gradually changing its shape.

I was trying to make an analogy as simple as possible.


You are projecting your feelings onto the discussion. CK and I have been arguing about laziness: Obesity due to lack of effort to stay in shape once in a long-term relationship. Nobody here is shaming pregnant woman.


I can see why you think you have a personal stake in the discussion now, so now I have to unpleasantly reply: Does the C-section prevent you from going on jogs? That is the point that is being brought up. Nobody is feeling lied to by women who have had children and don't have toned abs.


This is really not pertinent to why I brought up self-consistency. Nothing I said indicated people in a relationship never change. Caring about your body image only outside of a relationship is what the thread is all about.

A week has 168 hours. If you work full-time, you'll still have 130 hours of leisure time. Anyone who claims that he/she does not have time for physical activity is a liar. I use 70 hours per week on studies and my job; I've still gone from a 185 to a 331 lb bench press in 2.5 years (and I could have done it in 2 years if I wasn't held back by pneumonia in 2012 and the flu in 2013). If I ever get a girlfriend who lets herself go, I'd be really turned of. Moreover, I've never experienced that a girlfriend lets herself go after I start dating her--the girl usually starts paying more attention to her looks.

Most people who complain about not having time to exercise, still have time for Netflix and Candy Crush Saga, going to the mall, reading unintelligent books like Twilight, and chatting on Facebook for hours.

I can get 5 pounds of salmon for the same price as one pizza, and 20 eggs for the price of one big mac. One large bottle of soda is as expensive as two liters of milk, and just recently, I got 30 kgs (70 lbs) of protein powder for the same price as roughly two weekends of binge drinking and partying. Regardless of how cheap healthy food becomes, people will still find excuses to binge on candy, junk food, and snacks instead.

Bodybuilders aren't necessarily the healthiest people out there.

Ive always put on weight when I dated as men tend not to want to eat diet food and also tend to tease if I ate separately. As well they keep you up all night so your tired and dont want to sit around waiting while I exercise.

Secondly having babies can make it hard not to gain weight as its hard to exercise and hard not to eat through boredom, stress or eat up their leftovers.

Ive just lost 70lb which is mainly achieved through being single so I can be restrictive over food and when my ex has the babies I exercise. Im very glad to be getting slimmer as my babies wont remember me fat, as I was sad my teen girls dont remember me thin.

Last edited by lotusblossom on 15 Aug 2014, 5:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Child birth effects aside.

A lot of single people exercise and do diet efforts mainly in order to attract a mate, once this is secured then the motivation of doing it exists no more.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 16 Aug 2014, 7:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

okay, there isn't a type size large enough for the laughter this would engender amongst most adults.

1. 40-hour workweeks went away decades ago in the US. You'll find most of us working on laptops at home, too, after hours, because we like keeping our jobs.

2. You're assuming a post-adolescent with no responsibilities outside himself. Most adults have children, parents, friends, partners, and community organizations they have obligations to. Many adults are also homeowners and have responsibilities to maintaining their properties.

I would invite you to try getting a solid workout in while responsible for a two-year-old. You do not, in this situation, have money for a babysitter, and your husband complains if you leave the child with him often. You live in a northern climate and it's 10F outside. Go.



See above. Perhaps you'd also like to meet some people who work two jobs because they've got kids who need to go college, or a spouse who's lost his or her job and the bank doesn't say, "hey, sorry you lost your job, we'll just reduce your mortgage payment till you're back on your feet."



Congratulations on being a young single person with no responsibilities in life outside himself.



You should probably tell the girls that when you start dating them and see how it goes over.



Are you always so arrogant and dismissive? Yes, many people regard facebook and other social media as important social and career tools. And when did this turn into a conversation for being rude about other people's literary tastes?

Irrelevant. The only bodies one has the right to pass judgment on or try to influence are one's own and one's children -- and you'd best be careful about it when it's the kids'.

If you don't like how your partner's body is, and it's that big a deal to you, leave. They'll be better off.

It's true, actually...gah, men who want to show off cooking skills and then (a) insist you eat what they cook and (b) ignore you when you say that you can't eat that sort of stuff, your clothes won't fit. And (c) then criticize you for having wrongheaded food ideas, and don't want to hear that because they're much bigger, muscle-dense, and with faster metabolisms, they can eat 1000-1500 more calories daily than you can. Bleah.

Alas, she's right, too, one of the most reliable ways of getting time for yourself, as a mother, is to be divorced from a man who shows up for his turn with the kids.

Where in hell are you getting 5 lbs of salmon for the price of a pizza? Salmon costs $15/lb here, and I don't see no $75 pizzas. 12 eggs here cost $3. Soda here is far cheaper than milk.

See too recent research on addictivity of junk food. Turns out to be neither myth nor excuse, unfortunately. And the food mfrs know it.

This is...dare I say...more than a little aspergian of you. No, people are not self-consistent. You're going to be profoundly disappointed if that's what you're after.



Okay, so where is the problem, then? It seems you've taken care of your own complaint.

^i was going to say pretty much exactly this, but you beat me to it. where i live, eating healthy (especially if you like fresh produce, which is about 70-75% of my diet) is definitely more expensive than eating junk. when i used to eat lower quality food, i would have more spending money per month than i do now that my diet has changed--now almost all my money goes to healthy whole foods, even though that actual volume of food i consume (portion sizes, for example) has decreased at the same time.