Why is this section of the forum so controversial?

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mr_bigmouth_502
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13 Oct 2014, 5:19 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:
Are you starting to get the picture, mr_bigmouth_502? I have a feeling this will be one of those 20 pages by tomorrow threads anyway :lol:

The first thing I remember noticing about this part of the forum was the hostility and resistance towards people in long term or successful relationships and most constructive advice, especially the kind revolving around what you can/could do to improve your situation instead of how others could/should change to help or accommodate you :shrug: Except for the obstinate Fnord who's now gone, no other happily married men have posted regularly here, at least that I saw. People's preference for quick, easy and short-lived fixes as what to wear or how to "fake" confidence, as well as the resistance, knee-jerk negative reactions or a feeling of helplessness regarding hard, long term effort and lucid introspection might very well be a reflection of rather specific AS challenges, just as well as a manifestation of the short attention span, instant gratification culture most of us live in.

Lately some sort of amok seems to have hit posters of both sexes and even I noticed really nasty accusations being made against very decent people. This forum seems to fill the role of "recycle bin" (as they do seem to be recycled ad infinitum instead of discarded) for all negative emotions and sexual frustrations, anger, loneliness, rejection, isolation, envy, hatred, bitterness, lost hope, false hope, longing, despair, pain and regret.

I don't have much time or interest for WP these days, but as an occasional observer I can say that the sheer absurdity and dramatism of some exchanges here can be fun to watch sometimes, though I imagine they can become quite devastating for those who get involved.


I think I'm starting to get the picture. It just boggles my mind how worked up people can get over this sort of stuff. Not that I've never gotten worked up over it; I pine for my old high school crushes all the time.

Klowglas wrote:
I think It comes with this website's territory. You are simply going to get a whole bunch of males who are unable to pick up on social cues and whom are unable to read a woman's subtle language (something that even normal people have trouble picking up on). Being deaf to this language will mean failure forming interpersonal relationships with women, and then having this drawn on over the years will mean that - A LOT - of grief is going to form. At this point the best thing such a person can do is to try and prevent resentment from forming, accepting that somethings are just not quite possible to reach, and then letting go of the thought of another person coming into your life... all of which takes a tremendous amount of character and sacrifice.

That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.


That's pretty much what I think as well. You have a bunch of sexually frustrated young guys who lack the social instincts other guys have, and they come here to share stories of their experiences. Many of these stories are about how X woman had "done them wrong", and as a result a lot of misogynistic comments are made. Being that women comprise a large portion of the forum's population, it often upsets them when these comments are made. Basically sexually frustrated young men produce misogyny, which produces a negative reaction from women. All of these things produce controversy, and large numbers of posts.



Toy_Soldier
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13 Oct 2014, 6:07 pm

There was an old saying in my parents/grandparents generation, 'never discuss sex, politics or religion in polite company'. But it also meant, if you did, it would no longer be polite company. Certain things do and always have fired up people.



Dox47
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13 Oct 2014, 8:31 pm

Men with communications difficulties and crusading feminists who share said difficulties is a volatile mix under the best of circumstances.


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MXH
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13 Oct 2014, 10:15 pm

Mostly due to people who show their displeasure over their circumstances in the wrong way.



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14 Oct 2014, 12:56 am

mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
What is it about the Love and Dating subforum that causes so much controversy?


Cause a certain gender having it much easier in these areas is obviously nice for them.




Until somebody points it out.



qFox
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14 Oct 2014, 11:52 am

It contains a lot of frustration, anger and desperation of men because of the way society is structured: men are expected to do the vast majority of the social legwork initiating any relationship. This requires many qualities we simply do not possess and so we got the shortest end on the stick. A lot of people here are letting off steam based on their many failures, rejections and frustrations and are using it as a way to cope or seek support.

It is not that much different from the other forums at all if you view it objectively, but many people perceive this as a hostility because of two reasons: these issues mainly affect men ( but are not limited to! ) and the ratio male:female on the autism spectrum is very skewed. So naturally one side is going to be much more vocal, and thus one side is naturally going to contain more bad apples. The perceived hostility is the same kind of hostility a NT would view if he went onto the general forum here. You have to take it into perspective and view it as frustration of people who have dealt with many hardships due to disability and powerlessness, not as a personal attack.



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14 Oct 2014, 12:54 pm

^ Well-stated, qFox.


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14 Oct 2014, 4:34 pm

Yah. I find it sooo easy. I have a queue of men.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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14 Oct 2014, 4:53 pm

smudge wrote:
Yah. I find it sooo easy. I have a queue of men.


How would you sort them?



shlaifu
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14 Oct 2014, 5:04 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
smudge wrote:
Yah. I find it sooo easy. I have a queue of men.


How would you sort them?


name, type, date modified or size. everything else would be stupid.


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smudge
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14 Oct 2014, 5:41 pm

^ Cheeky bugger.


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Sweetleaf
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14 Oct 2014, 7:21 pm

Venger wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
What is it about the Love and Dating subforum that causes so much controversy?


Cause a certain gender having it much easier in these areas is obviously nice for them.




Until somebody points it out.


The trouble with that is females with aspergers and other conditions also can have a lot of trouble dating and actually forming a serious relationships....so trying to say 'oh its easy for you' and ignoring that it can be quite the struggle for a lot of females to is going to be obnoxious.


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Who_Am_I
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14 Oct 2014, 9:23 pm

The reason why noone loves a certain person is that he constantly makes snarky comments and tries to drag people down, while claiming to be a "cute baby seal". It doesn't work that way; you have to be at least slightly nice to be cute and cuddly.


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Jono
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14 Oct 2014, 11:06 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Venger wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
What is it about the Love and Dating subforum that causes so much controversy?


Cause a certain gender having it much easier in these areas is obviously nice for them.




Until somebody points it out.


The trouble with that is females with aspergers and other conditions also can have a lot of trouble dating and actually forming a serious relationships....so trying to say 'oh its easy for you' and ignoring that it can be quite the struggle for a lot of females to is going to be obnoxious.


Yes, but that's ignoring the fact that the problems that males and females with AS have with dating are different. That doesn't mean that one is better of than the other, but the problems are just different due to different gender expectations.



The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Oct 2014, 2:07 am

smudge wrote:
^ Cheeky bugger.



No, sort them by weight, from heaviest to lightest, then roundhouse kick and watch the domino effect.



Sweetleaf
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15 Oct 2014, 2:44 am

Jono wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Venger wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
What is it about the Love and Dating subforum that causes so much controversy?


Cause a certain gender having it much easier in these areas is obviously nice for them.




Until somebody points it out.


The trouble with that is females with aspergers and other conditions also can have a lot of trouble dating and actually forming a serious relationships....so trying to say 'oh its easy for you' and ignoring that it can be quite the struggle for a lot of females to is going to be obnoxious.


Yes, but that's ignoring the fact that the problems that males and females with AS have with dating are different. That doesn't mean that one is better of than the other, but the problems are just different due to different gender expectations.


Yes there can be different problems but doesn't mean one has it easier than the other when it comes to that part of life.


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