im gonna be forever alone ='(
goldfish21
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darkphantomx1 wrote:
You know what's funny? Guys in their 20s who are a virgin and never kissed a girl, they get rejected a couple of times and then conclude with i'm going to be forever alone. As if they can see into the future and know that they're going to be forever alone. Listen guys, you're in your friggin 20s. You still have some life ahead of you. Who knows, some girl may come along and when that happens, you gotta be ready. Don't complain ur gonna be forever alone yet... Only really start to worry if you're in your mid 30s and never had a girlfriend. If you're 33 and up and you've never had a girlfriend, you're probably doing something wrong and you need figure that out. If you die and you're still a virgin whos never had a girlfriend, thats the only time you can say that you are forever alone.
Agree with all of this.
I had that depressive outlook when I was in my late teens.
I'm now 32 and have had more sex than most people have in a lifetime I'm sure lol.
So, these things can and do change - dramatically.
I've yet to have a proper relationship, which is something I want in life, but that too will come in time when it's meant to.
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No
ProfessorJohn
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Location: The Room at the end of 2001
em_tsuj wrote:
I like the sentiment behind the OP's post. I have had to tell myself that stuff over and over when I was younger. Every time I had a break up, I assumed I would never have another relationship EVER. I lost my virginity at age 21. Before that, I assumed NO WOMEN EVER would find me attractive enough to have sex with me.
For me, though, when I thought I would be alone forever, it was more about not knowing how to go about getting a relationship. I was absolutely clueless.
Now I am in my early 30's and I no longer believe I will be alone forever. In fact, I assume I will eventually get into a relationship and maybe start a family. That is because I have had enough social experiences with women to be comfortable around them in non-romantic situations. I also have had enough life experience to figure out when a woman is attracted to me. I could never notice it when I was a teenager or even in my early 20's unless the woman literally came up to me and said, "I am attracted to you" which the overwhelming majority of women don't do because I am not a very approachable person.
I honestly don't know how in the world I could convince my 20 or 25 or 28 year old self that I could have a relationship. I just didn't have any positive experiences to give me the confidence. One hope I have for younger aspies is that there are plenty of single people in their 30's and up who are looking for partners. You are never too old to start dating if you haven't already.
Also, teenagers and people in their 20's are less likely to be focused on long-term relationships than people who are 30+, and younger people aren't as realistic about relationships as people who are older. People become better partners when they get older.
One thing you have to do is put yourself in a position to find a partner. If you live in an area where there are no potential partners, consider moving. If you don't have money to date, work on increasing your income. If you don't know how to have a good time, focus on your hobbies. Once you develop your hobbies, find people who also enjoy those things.
If you are unclear on how to approach women, come here and ask questions. I learned more about women in the last year by coming to wrongplanet and listening to the women on wrongplanet than I did in the first 29 years of my life. That has also increased my confidence significantly. There are people here who want to and can help you with dating.
For me, though, when I thought I would be alone forever, it was more about not knowing how to go about getting a relationship. I was absolutely clueless.
Now I am in my early 30's and I no longer believe I will be alone forever. In fact, I assume I will eventually get into a relationship and maybe start a family. That is because I have had enough social experiences with women to be comfortable around them in non-romantic situations. I also have had enough life experience to figure out when a woman is attracted to me. I could never notice it when I was a teenager or even in my early 20's unless the woman literally came up to me and said, "I am attracted to you" which the overwhelming majority of women don't do because I am not a very approachable person.
I honestly don't know how in the world I could convince my 20 or 25 or 28 year old self that I could have a relationship. I just didn't have any positive experiences to give me the confidence. One hope I have for younger aspies is that there are plenty of single people in their 30's and up who are looking for partners. You are never too old to start dating if you haven't already.
Also, teenagers and people in their 20's are less likely to be focused on long-term relationships than people who are 30+, and younger people aren't as realistic about relationships as people who are older. People become better partners when they get older.
One thing you have to do is put yourself in a position to find a partner. If you live in an area where there are no potential partners, consider moving. If you don't have money to date, work on increasing your income. If you don't know how to have a good time, focus on your hobbies. Once you develop your hobbies, find people who also enjoy those things.
If you are unclear on how to approach women, come here and ask questions. I learned more about women in the last year by coming to wrongplanet and listening to the women on wrongplanet than I did in the first 29 years of my life. That has also increased my confidence significantly. There are people here who want to and can help you with dating.
Good advice here. This describes me pretty much as well. For the first 28 years of my life or so, I had no idea how to start a relationship, get into one, etc. Any ones I had were because the woman made it so obvious that I couldn't even miss it, and those were very short term ones. I look back now and see that I had many other opportunities but didn't have a clue as to what to do to make things happen.
I have also learned in the past year much more about how to tell if women are interested in you, how to appear interested to them, how to appear more attractive to them (not just in the physical sense). It is kind of ironic that I learn all that now when I am at a point in life where I won't (hopefully) ever have to use it!
ProfessorJohn
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darkphantomx1 wrote:
When it comes to women, im definitely a late bloomer. It may not be until my mid 20s when I have my first gf.
I was 20 when I had my first fling (actually a couple of night stand), a short term relationship when I was 21 (really didn't care about her), my first real serious relationship when I was 29, started dating my now wife when I was 31, and how have been married for 15 years so you have lots of time ahead of you.
Plus you know that you have Asperger's and need to read up/learn about social interactions. I never knew any of that stuff until recently, so you are way ahead of me in that area.
