I am very proud of my Aspie husband. He is a super genius and very much like a super hero when we're out camping. He can actually hear a beaver building it's home far way, a tree will fall and he'll know what kind of tree it was--by sound and then by the faint smell it emmitted...and he's RIGHT!! ! I've checked!! He senses and perceives things I don't. I love the way he interacts with his world.
People and social interaction are very difficult for him. I understand this and accept the very blatant fact that he simply will not pick up on my body language, implied requests or hints. I accept that I must be very direct and blunt with him. He is very loving and will (and is very willing) to do the things I need when he understand what it is I need/ want him to do, when, how and in what time frame.
For example: I can't just say "we should go out for ice-cream." It's happened where he went about his usually daily chores and I'm waiting at the door to go get ice-cream. I do get frustrated, but, when I've figured out the miscommunication, I've got to chuckle a bit. He understood I wanted ice-cream but not that I meant 'we are going now'. So, the second attempt:
Honey, (set a time frame that allows him plenty of time to re-direct/ fit this new thing into his schedule) In 30min, we're going to get ice-cream----or after dinner, we're going for a drive to get ice-cream & relax....etc
Also, we have a love jar. I will put a (pink) note card on things that I want him to do for me.
For example: Bring me flowers, take me out to a movie, write me a note with 10 things you love about me etc...
Every once in a while, he will draw a card from our love jar and do the task requested. It's a way of simulating spontaneous romance. Timing may be a bit off but then I can tweak it a bit later.
My husband also puts (blue) note cards into the jar with things/ tasks he'd like me to do...usually steam clean a carpet or vacuum AGAIN...or bake muffins. A plus is: I'm learning what tasks define romance and love for him and vice versa.
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gina
03 Apr 2007, 4:59 am
