Dateless virgin, worried?

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Have you considered:

1. Asking your friends to set you up? Surely one of their partners has a single girlfriend/sister/cousin or two?

2. Tried online dating?

3. Asked an (ideally) female friend what, if anything, you're doing wrong?

(I have zero fashion sense and loathe shopping. Letting a stylish friend put together a few outfits for me and pick out some flattering makeup made a huge difference on my dating efforts in high school).

4. Considered signing up for a class/activity that interests you and is likely to result in you meeting new people? Like dance class, pottery lessons, hiking club, etc.

Isn't that cheating?

No. Asking your buddy Bob of he or his steady girlfriend Suzy know any single girls that they might like to set the original poster up with isn't cheating.

Ideally, Suzy (or Bob) would have a single female friend, classmate, sister, cousin or colleague to introduce the original poster to.

1.Tried that. Friends doesn't want to do that. They are mostly single like me too and they are focusing on uni like me.

2. I have been a victim of bullies and assumptions from online dating. Tried four different websites and it doesn't work to me. No women checked me out. Now its so expensive to run a profile and get in contact with someone.

3. I asked several female friends of what I did is wrong. They said I didn't do anything wrong that make them to reject me. That what I thought because in first place I really didn't do anything wrong. They just say that its that they don't find me attractive. That hurts. Maybe I am f**kwit unattractive guy.

4. I am member of several groups especially at the uni and as well Meetup.com website. I am socially active and that. I am everywhere!

1. You said your buddies had girlfriends and you were lonely, so I assumed that your friends had girlfriends but whatevs.

2. Okcupid and POF are free but, hey, your life and your call.

3. Were the girls you asked very close friends? If they weren't super-close, they might not have given you a real answer for fear of hurting your feelings.

(Two or three girls, the ones you asked, not finding you attractive doesn't mean your unattractive, necessarily. just that those three girls aren't into you).

4. Your current meet ups and activities aren't facilitating the meeting of girls. My advice would be to find a different activity/meet up that might facilitate the meeting of girls.

I was recommended to do Meetup and that is to meet more women especially in outside circle of uni. There are plenty females in one of my main group involvement.

They still turn me down. Its everywhere I go.

It only works for some people.
Where as other people do need to actively look. (Especially if what they seek falls outside of
It is also possible to look in entirely the wrong ways and places.
Similarly the advice "Do something you enjoy to meet people" can work for some and not for others.

Did other people around you recognise what was actually wrong or just that something was 'off'.


I've encountered the attitude that I shouldn't be be concerned about my inability to do things like flirtation or casual touching. From people who have little trouble themselves.


A very good analogy.


Not always easy to find someone prepared to give that level of help, IME.

If you're getting turned down everywhere, by everyone, everywhere across all areas of your life (friends, dating, meet ups, uni social clubs, etc) then, well, the issue is likely you. Since you're the common denominator. Working on improving your social skills might just be the place to start.

Also, how many of the girls in your current activities/meet ups have you asked out? Have you asked any out multiple times? Done anything that might have been perceived as scary or stalker-ish, even tho you totally didn't intend it to be? If so, overfishing the pond and/or having behaved in a manner perceived as scary years ago is resulting in goes who'd otherwise agree to go out with you turning you down due to warnings from upperclassmen?

In any case, your current venues for a social life are t working out, so it might not be a bad idea to consider participating in different meet ups or a new activity or three.

Bonne chance!

You seem to be oddly similar to this other forum member....

Just from what the OP has posted on WP, I would say the problem is that he is just too passive like I was and is overthinking dating in general. Took me a long time to understand that nearly all women cannot be attracted to a passive male just as I simply could not be attracted to a tomboy. While it never worked out with any of them I can say once I learned to be assertive and take charge I had no trouble attracting women, just not the right one for me.

Don't forget that I was a dateless virgin until 29. Now I am getting married to a dream woman who is the envy of everyone I know. My NT cousins and brother who got married by 25 and had no trouble getting a partner? Either divorced or heading that way.

It's been whacked.

I don't realise I was talking passively in communication??

I am always try to be assertive, especially when miscommunication and misinterpretations happens because my hearing loss also plays factor too. I just don't like white lies and turn downs from them. I don't get it how I am being passive. I am not aggressive nor desperate. I used to be like that but I know it not on.

Though I just want a partnership that loves me as the way I love myself because I have so many passion. Like storms, photography, sports, the environment and so on. I never give on these kind of stuff. The white lies is killing me and it not giving me chances of getting a date.

Why have to forget about dating? If that so, so it sounds like forgetting the entire dating thing like not being interested. Showing signs to women not being interested is because I have been told many times forget about dating.

Seriously this frustrates me because most of my friends easily come across of getting someone since the fact they are NTs. Hello? What about me!? Why leave me out?!

You sound desperate and may come across as such. What you see as assertive may well come across as aggressive.

You aren't entitled to dates. Nobody is. The hostility over the ego-sparing, well-intentioned white lies ("I'm busy" is less confrontational than "you give me the heebie-jeebies") is scary.

Women agree to date your friends because they want to. Women decline your invitations because they want to. The end.

Then life ends.

From what you have said Ecomatt sir, in the past you would ask out any women and always be desperate. I think you admitted this yourself saying you believed you have been asking out too many women.

It would be a good idea to describe your current situation with people.

I know you have done this a lot but you have mainly explained your attitude and what you do more than anything else.

You have described what your friends and family have told you and how you have felt about this, and also that you meet lots of people and do lots of things.

But my question is how do you actually treat other people, especially the women at these groups and places?

I mean, at these groups, are you just treating everyone like they treat you? As friends basically? And have you thought about getting to know and befriending some of them (males and females, not just the women)?

I know you already have friends, but if they are really always focused on studies, why not try and make new friends, especially ones with similar goals to you in life?

Yes, you have friends interested in the same things like friends who want to graduate university and are interested in the environment.

But what about friends who also want to make more friends? Might just work out if you have friends that also want to meet new people.

But they don't have to be this. Just new friends would be enough.

I don't know, because maybe some extra and new friends who are different than the ones you have now can do more to open you up to opportunity in the world.

And I don't think you are desperate OP. As someone who has been there, I believe there is a diffrence between desperateness and obsession in my opinion.

Desperate = would date anyone who wanted to date you.

Obsession = you are extremely focused on finding love, but you wouldnt just choose anyone but only someone who treated you right.

Desperate = you pursue people like crazy.

Obsession = You put yourself in a variety of situations which will help you meet people, including potential boyfriends or girlfriends, but silently hide your deep desires for love.

And so on and so forth.