Girls agree to go out then change their mind.

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It's weird, but that does seem to be the case. A lot of the time, if the guy keeps trying to communicate, she will begin thinking he's stalking her, and she may end up getting other people involved because she "fears for her life."

Men and women both deal with this kind of stuff differently, and in my opinion, the best way is to just be direct about it. That rarely happens, however. People are afraid they'll hurt others' feelings, etc.

Finding women that aren't wishy-washy and non-confrontational: if their bio's/profiles are very blunt and direct, or they're very blunt and direct people, it will be more likely that they'll respond back and say they aren't interested. The people who I meet that are blunt are ALWAYS the ones I remain friends with. There's no point being around people who constantly lie (or completely avoid all conflict) in order to keep the peace.

You will almost never get a response asking anything like "Why are you talking to me?" or "Did I do something wrong?" Don't bother. If they were interested, you'd be worthy of a response; they wouldn't leave you hanging and not respond. If you can see they're actively posting, online, etc., then it's time to move the hell on and look elsewhere. People like that are causing bitterness--rejection hurts, but not being honest to the person can make them at a disadvantage in future dates and relationships. My advice: if you can clearly tell that she is avoiding you, move on. Don't lie to yourself and believe that a future might happen with someone who isn't making an effort.

People are inconsistent. It's a huge chunk of what makes us HUMAN. You're setting yourself up for misery if you are expecting consistency at all, but particularly consistency in the very early getting-to-know-you casual phase of dating.

Standing someone up is rude, canceling with little notice isn't a nice thing to do but is hardly criminal and a girl giving you her number (or accepting yours) isn't any sort of binding oath or commitment.

My approach is that if date 1 was fun, I will accept an invitation for date 2, if that's fun, I will extend an invitation for date 3, etc. until either I like the guy enough to agree to date exclusively or decide I don't want to see them again (and vice-versa for the guy). 4 super fun dates doesn't guarantee the 5th will be fun nor that there will be a 6th date... or that there's anything "wrong" with the guy or that he did anything SPECIFIC "wrong". Sometimes the feeling's just not there. It is what it is.

Learning not to take stuff SO personally will go a long way towards saving your sanity. My approach is to go by what people DO rather than what they SAY. If a girl whose number you got wants to go out with you, she will return your call, ie no callback is communication, in and of itself.

In terms of online dating, I'd suggest meeting in person quickly (after a few messages/phone chats) rather than building "expectations" via communicating frequently for a month. My rationale is (1) chemistry matters and you don't know if you have any til you meet face to face, (2) you'll know she's interested if she's interested enough to agree to meet you for a coffee/drink and (3) you won't have wasted a month on a girl who clearly wasn't interested enough to meet up with you in person.

No cancelling with little notice is not wrong and not the part I have a problem with. But cancelling while promising to reschedule all the while knowing that you won't, is wrong, which is what the last girl did. And I didn't mean to imply that any of these girls did anything wrong, they didn't, except the last one. I just want to know why this keeps happening to me.

There isn't really enough info for me to assess what, if anything, you did wrong with the last girl. You're dealing with a tiny sample set, just 4 girls, including ones met online where the stakes of exchanging a message or two are lower.

I think the bottom line is the last girl didn't like you enough to pick up the phone and reschedule. The why is unknowable and, ultimately, irrelevant. Whether she was a jerk, killed by a meteorite, when back to her ex, fell crazy in love with the guy next to her in line at Starbucks, lost your number or simply lost interest... doesn't matter. If she'd been into you, she would have rescheduled. Period. Sorry.

All you can do is keep trying.

How did I do anything wrong? She made it pretty clear she made the promise knowing she wasn't going to keep it and she pretty much admitted it. I talked to her after she cancelled. In other words she lied to me. I don't think that her or anyone else changing there mind is wrong I just want to know why it happens so much. And it was four girls in a row, not four girls in total. It's happened many times before. Please don't be hostile, I know I have to keep trying. I'm just trying to learn a little more.

Oh, and I'm not mad at her and I don't hold a grudge against her. It's not like what she did was unforgivable. Sure it hurt me a lot but that's because of my own history causing me to be sensitive to that kind of wound. It was a simple white lie that I know I'm just going to have to get used to.

It's a no-win situation. I would just move on.

They should have been more upfront. They were not.

Dating sucks. I hope you find someone soon.

Exactly, pick up the pieces, lick my wounds, or whatever cliche is appropriate here.

Thank you.

I think this is the best approach because harping on it is like beating a dead horse (another cliche).

I've harped......and I've harped.....waiting for the phone call that never comes. I sort of lost about 2 years of my life because of this one woman who was just curious about me, and nothing else.

All genders do this. It sucks....but you will find the girl you want. If you keep a clear perspective on things.

Based on the limited info you've provided, for the girls you met online... well, try to meet them in person sooner to find out if they're *really* interested enough to meet. And consider regarding only a girl saying "yes, let's meet at Cafe X at 7:00 PM on Sept 15th" as an actual date, ie "sure, let's get a drink sometime" without specifics is NOT a date, as a means of managing your expectations.

(Even with friends, this sort of applies -- "let's aim for brunch this weekend" is a pleasantry until a time/location is mutually agreed to).

The asked-out-in-person girls are more concerning, as it's harder and more socially awkward to bail on someone you know. Adopting an it's-not-a-date-til-logistics-are-agreed as means of managing expectations is probably a good idea here too.

Do you have a female friend who could help you analyze what you did with all 4 girls? It's possible you came on too strong or as somewhat stalker-y in trying to arrange the date details (but also possible you just happen to have pursued 4 flaky girls in a row).

There was a specific time and place on the last one. But yeah I agree with you. I really just needed to vent a little because it was a little painful. But what kind if things do guys do that can have that can cause a girl to change her mind suddenly? Like are there any common reasons for it? Other than the stalkerish thing, I'm pretty sure it wasn't that.

And yes my friends girlfriend has been kind if coaching me a little. She's been struggling to help me though because all there really is to do where I live is play sports or drink at the bar and I'm not into either of those. I am confident that something will happen for me, it's just the waiting and uncertainty can sometimes be unbearable. Coming here and having you guys commiserate with me is helping me get over it a little quicker. So thank you for that.

If a guy asks me out and I say Yes, I always go out with them for one date. I was on Eharmony once and was talking to two guys and they did great with the question stage then when we were going to email, both of them couldn't do it. Its like now I know why you two are single.

Look at it this way: would you want to date someone who can't even be honest and forthright on the initial question of a date? Who makes a promise and then breaks it? Can you trust such people? Do you want to share your life with them?

Consider yourself having dodged a bullet. Because liars cannot be counted upon for anything in life. Liars are worthless people.

I've got nothing for you, sorry. I tend not to regard plans as a date until a specific time/location's been established... but don't blow guys off completely at that stage. And, honestly, the handful of times I've had to reschedule an Internet date, I've given a reason and offered two or three specific alternate dates.