Does this female Aspie have a crush on me, or just friends?

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Joined: 12 Aug 2015
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14 Sep 2015, 6:59 am

Thanks for all the replies guys! very much appreciated. Apologies if I can't reply to all points.
So, yes I'm probably overthinking it a bit - but the overthinking's reason is that i do care about her as a friend and as an NT haven't had experience with how aspies take rejection from a crush - so I was covering all bases. And the over-thinking has led me to understand your replies and given me a better understanding of the aspie heart and mind. My other primary reason for trying to analyse her behaviour and understand her feelings was so that I in turn wouldn't do anything unwittingly to ebcourage or affirm any crush she may or may not have. I'd want to avoid behaving in a way that may be part of a NT deeper friendship that could be miscommunicated as a different kind of affection. An aspie guy friend of mine i believe has feelings for her so i was trying to encourage that potential relationship. Another thing that made me think she may have a crush on me was that sometimes if i interrupt or arrive and she's talking to another friend, they'll stop talking and one of my friends even wouldn't tell me what they were discussing, and gave me what could have been a knowing smile. So basically i don't want to invite her out to do things we both enjoy if she'll interpret it as more than friendship - and at the same time i do indeed want to pursue a friendship with her. Anyhoo i probably am over thinking this... thanks again guys

Feyokien
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14 Sep 2015, 7:08 am

Good luck , humanities greatest warrior I don't think it's impossible to for a guy and girl to be just friends, especially when one is already in a relationship.

underwater
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14 Sep 2015, 7:35 am

You know...we are not so hung up on gender roles. That makes it easier to have friends of the opposite sex.

I recall reading about some psychological study saying that men consistently overattribute female friendliness to sexual interest, and I think any woman will tell you the same thing. This tends to make the guy in question do one of two things:

1) Make advances, which destroys the friendship.
2) Run for the hills, which destroys the friendship.

Consider that she might be perplexed by your behavior.
If things become uncomfortable, why don't you ask her?

For gods's sake, don't start really pointed speeches about how you really love your girlfriend. It's incredibly condescending and hurtful, whether she's in love with you or not.

starfox
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14 Sep 2015, 12:45 pm

I think she thinks of you as a friend but really looks up to you and trusts you.

Guys and girls can be friends; it's not always just as couples.

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15 Sep 2015, 1:23 am

CaptainLevi wrote:

I'm a male NT (share AS traits though), and I want to find out if one of my friends who is a female Aspie has a crush on me. I'll list some of the signals - see what you think! I don't feel that way about her, am in a long term committed relationship, and so want to find out if she likes me as a friend (she's a good friend) or more, so I can understand the best way forward to make sure she doesn't get hurt. So, we share some special interests, we get on very well. She tells me a lot about her life and family, and I try and give her advice and really listen to her - which I'm not sure many people do. I haven't seen her talk as openly with others about deeper topics. She also finds opportunities to tell me things I think she finds special, and even things about couples she likes or romantic films, and she seems to have a different more open and deeper demeanor when she does this - again she doesn't do this as much with others - but then again I don't know her older friends as I haven't known her for an extended period of time. It seems like she makes a real effort to listen when I talk too. Then there's the eye contact, she seems nervous but holds my gaze for quite a while sometimes. And sometimes if she doesn't think I'm aware she'll stare at me continuously without moving. I don't think she's just staring into space as she'll turn away from the group and look directly at me if I'm on my fone or something. So, what do you think? And could you please list as many other signs as you know? There will be lots I haven't picked up on. Thanks

For me, the staring at you would likely be a sign. However, I think the easiest way to know would be to genuinely ask. To say 'You're really important to me. I'm worried that there might be some mixed signals here, though. I'm happily in a long term relationship and I can't tell if we're just being awesome friends, or if I'm leading you on. Would you tell me how you feel?'

Its... hard. It would be hard for her to answer if its true. But, if she is truly a friend, be prepared to either stay a friend but learning how to not lead her on (if possible) or determine if she knows you're not available and is totally ok with that. I had a crush on a friend once. He said no. It was ok, I liked the feeling of having a crush, and keeping my friend was the icing on the cake.

Also, males and females can SO be friends. My two best friends were my brides-men at my wedding. 14 years and counting. Gender is NOT a barrier to mutual awesomeness.

Drawyer
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