A question for the guys!

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I'm on Social Security Disability so I cant really support a partner financially but I don't need her to support me either. I don't mind having an unequal partnership thou if I'm the one doing more. I'm very supportive & do whatever I can to help my girlfriend out.

It depends on why its unequal, I wouldn't like it if it was just pure laziness and to take advantage of me. I can't see a relationship like that working out long term but I'm also a pretty lonely so I don't know how much I would tolerate really. Like if somebody is disabled and can't work, that isn't their fault so to hold it against them would be cruel but then again being disabled doesn't mean you are completely incapable of any work even its just housework. Maybe I'm bias tho I dunno. I would feel uncomfortable in a relationship where the other person did way more than me, I'd feel very guilty and would try to compensate.

I think being in a a serious long term relationship would be pretty motivating, I do feel that I might put too much into it tho which could set up for the fall later on. There is an instinct in your that wants to protect and provide, I can detach from my weird anxiety ridden neuroticism about myself and do things for other people that I can't do myself. Like being good at giving advice but not taking it yourself, I know the answers to my problems but knowing is a lot different than doing obviously. I'd probably be so afraid to lose someone that I would push myself a lot harder but maybe self esteem and confidence would be as much as an issue then and my anxiety wouldn't be so bad if I felt validated in that way, being a workhorse then would probably be a good thing then. I'm not a super patient person, it's probably the ADD or something but I usually rather just do something myself than watch someone else struggle with it. Like I'm an anxious puss 90% of the time but occasionally the "man" in me comes out and I like to take change, maybe being the oldest sibling helps as I always saw myself as a quasi authority figure growing up.

Most people probably wouldn't describe me this way but I think I am an energetic person and there are a lot of places I would like to go and things I'd like to experience. I'm just so anxious, isolated, lacking self esteem, that it's hard to dig myself out of this hole. Like I hate sitting still and that's what I do most of the time, I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Spiderpig - never in my life have I heard anyone say that anybody deserved to be cheated on, for any reason. Relationships are complicated and sometimes it's hard to strike a balance, but you're committed to someone then you should take that seriously - that's what I believe, and I don't know anybody who would say otherwise.

nick007 and Jacoby - you see where I am coming from! I want to do more. I know I'd be happy if the situation was reversed, and I had the Lion's share of responsibility/work. It just doesn't rest easily with me the other way around.

I was in a relationship with someone who never worked (maybe made $2000 in the 18 months we were together), did not drive and was an all around failure at everything (dropped out of university/college 6 times I believe). I didn't mind that so much for the fact she sat around watching TV all day, rarely helped with anything and when I asked for more support was treated like a greedy pig. I did feel sorry for her but I should have walked away from me months before I did.

I don't think this describes the OP though. I am not concerned about someone not making as much as me but I am tired of leeches and lazy people sponging off me. If I were laid off for example, you can be damn sure I would take on ALL the household chores and DIY projects!

Hypothetical because I don't have real experience. Yeah I'm not quite sure actually, I guess it would have to do with the reason they're unemployed. If they're just being lazy and not caring about acquiring a job it might make me uneasy. I don't like the idea of someone just quitting their life and setting up camp in mine to just be a leach. But if they're looking and can't get or even find a job then I'd be fine with it. Getting a job these days is hard work, especially if you're ASD.

I dunno why this is just a question for guys though, I'd like to hear a womens thoughts on the same issue of dating an unemployed man.

Funny thing: I would have no objection should my wife stay at home while I work. She can go to her bridge clubs or whatever. Go to her malls or whatever. I clean okay, but not as good as my wife. In our relationship, I think this arrangement would actually work.

If there's a kid, I find it best, in most cases, if the mother stayed home until nursery school. Kids tend to respond more to mommies than daddies until that time. I sense that it's because the baby grew up in mummy's womb.

Inle, the first question that you need to ask about yourself:
Would you still be as accepting as today of your man if your situations were totally reversed?

You have to answer this with brute honesty.

If the answer is anywhere around no - then you have some internalized misogyny. And probably that's why you feel guilty.

I get ssi and ssdi and can't seem to find work besides the seasonal thing
If I won the lottery or somehow got a super great paying job then yes I'd have no problem
Heck my friend lived off me for over a year living in my room. At least with a gf I'd get companionship and cuddles

SSI and SSDI are both disability allowances in the U.S.