Feeling undatable

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Thank you Drawyer.

You'll probably just ignore this but I've had the same things happen. Sometimes at least in the past when I was younger people would claim I was yelling when I wasn't, seems I'm always too quiet or too loud according to other people. Then they get upset when I simply remain silent. Doesn't seem possible to please people. Do wish I could win lottery and go live hidden away.

Why not just use social media for the purpose of friend making? I really have no other answer as I prefer the company of being alone, despite myself also being an introverted oddity. Actually, I'd rather go with the notion of considering myself an ambivert, but whatever.

I think people only approach me and stuff because of my looks. Then again, the only time I really acknowledge someone is if they look at me and I wave/smirk, or see they're wearing clothing or an accessory that has to do with something I enjoy. Like, a Zelda tshirt.

Perhaps create some bonds with the people on here? Maybe it'll expand to something more prosperous than just talking about what may, or may not be.

I found the last picture you posted on the pics thread and I concur with Drawyer. I rarely see beauty outside of personality, of which I know none of yours, but I'm awestruck, you have a gorgeous face. And...that may be a bad thing, my beauty ideals are not that of the majority. That being said, let me tell you what I see, and what others will prefer (being out of "mainstream" also allows me to know what "mainstream" truly is).

First, I love the light amount of makeup, it shows care of appearance while also allowing your natural beauty to radiate outwards. Most would prefer a little more-- to them it shows you're really trying to impress them.

Second, you have awesome eyes. In the photo the lids are pinched, which to me gives an aura of thoughtfulness, which is a "warm" feeling to me. Others may see the pinched lids and see sadness though, if you open your eyes a little more most people view this as engaging and attentive.

Third, I love the smile, it's light, hard to read and comes off as what I view as coy. Most people will prefer a wider smile with separation to see a hint of your pearly whites. They view this as more open and engaging.

Lastly, and probably the oddest compliment you'll ever hear: you have a perfect nose. There's nothing to say, other than it's perfect. Anyone who doesn't immediately see that is blind, brain dead, or both.

So in short, what I see is someone who's willing to engage on an personal and emotional level, not just a pure vanity level, which to me is exceptionally sexy. Unfortunately we live in a vanity based culture and that's what people have been trained to look for. I hate telling someone to conform to society, especially when I think it's a downgrade, but unfortunately it's not about me, it's about you and every butterfly must spread her wings and fly at some point.

edit: quote got mangled.
2nd edit: put the edit in the wrong place like a moron...must be stunned by the OP's beauty.
3rd edit: same as the 2nd, definately mesmerized by the OP.

Being soft spoken is not always a bad thing. There are men such as myself who find it intriguing or attractive. It kind of invites you to find out more about the person. You can try to be assertive, but at the end of the day you want to find someone who accepts you for who you are and if that means that there are a select few who would realize how special you are then so be it. Those that can't accept you aren't worthy of your time and energy.

Yeah, some people are really judgmental. I had the opposite problem when I was little because I was too loud.

Thank you.

I sometimes worry if I wear make up that I might come off as competitive and make enemies. I know that doesn't happen to some girls that wear make up, but some people just seem more hostile towards me.

I don't know how wide my eyes usually are, but if I make my eyes wide I think I look kind of creepy.

With smiling I usually try to mirror other people that are smiling at me so if I'm talking to someone that's smiling really big I usually smile big too. It's hard for me to smile though if the other person isn't.

Last edited by slw1990 on 07 Jan 2016, 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

ask someone (especially a guy) you trust to explain exactly how you come across. that might give you something to work on.

Why not be a tiny bit competitive?
Seriously, do you always want to be the one without make up, just because you're scared people will see you as competition?
Who are people that act hostile to you because of it?

What kind of guys do you feel attracted to, do you have a sense of what you would like to find in someone to date? For what its worth, as Drawyer said, i think you would be a catch

First, I started with Drawyer's post, and after re-reading the thread I noticed you never asked for appearance advice. I apologize for going that direction, my intention wasn't to embarrass, merely admire. Drawyer was correct, the internal beauty matches the external.

Second, realize that the girls who are hostile towards you are jealous. It is competition, and apparently you threaten them. You have something you don't see in yourself, but they see it, and they're scared the hot guy they want will see it too. You need to realize it actually means you're doing something right, not something wrong.

Third, i would say the issue for you is confidence. It's not just women who look for confidence, men do as well. I get the sense that internal criticism may be creating a wall between you and potential suitors. You need to train yourself to ignore those thoughts, especially when you're interacting with members of the opposite sex. Actually, confidence is probably more important for a female, males with predator behaviours will look for the unconfident woman. If you have problems generating confidence i would recommend seeing a therapist, they have the tools to help with this issue. You're right in your prime, don't waste it because of something silly like self doubt.

Anyhow, best of luck, and the next time you interact with a suitor ignore your doubt and assume he sees you like i do.

I've always had contempt for women that wear makeup. It's just fake and lame. Why can't people embrace their natural appearances instead? Keeping fit, tidying your hair and wearing clothes that suit you is all that's needed for attractiveness. Makeup, tans, nail polish, lip gloss, etcetera - it's all rubbish.

I usually like guys who are kind of like me. I'm just not really sure where to meet them besides here though. I tried online dating a few years ago hoping to find guys like that, but some of the guys that I met seemed sketchy or predatory and the others that seemed interested I didn't feel compatible with them. My roommate has mentioned dance classes a couple of times and I went with her before a few years ago and it seemed like a lot of they guys there were a lot more sociable than me and it sometimes would feel stressful when she wasn't around. I'm in a adult women's autism group right now. I think men are welcomed, but I've been going for to it for over a year and no men have ever came and I don't know of any other local adult autism groups.



I assumed that they were targeting me. It's been a long time since this happened, but it seems like the few times me and a guy would just talk other women would start to show interest in him when they didn't seem to before. It also seemed like they would become more and more persistent until the guy would be with them and at the same time they would act rude to me so I felt targeted. I sometimes worry about it happening again. It's stressful it makes it hard to trust someone.

Yep, that's the "game", it's an illogical courting ritual left over from millions of years of animal evolution-- it seems ridiculous to most autistics, but most NT's still need to play the game. You have to have a certain mentality to play the game properly, and I can tell you it's far different than your normal personality but it can be learned.

In the situation you described you don't worry about how the other woman feels, you don't worry about what he thinks, you worry about your wants and yours alone. So, you have to tell yourself: I found him, I seduced him, I got him primed for romance, and I'm not gonna let some other b***h come in and take him when I did all the hard work. So you defend your territory. I'm not exactly sure how women fight in this situation because I'm not one, but I know it happens because the only friends I seem to keep long term are female and they complain about it all the time. You'd know more than I, but I can tell you it is about defending your territory, yes, like an animal. This not only gets rid of the competition it also displays the level of interest you have in the potential suitor. If you just walk away of course he's going to talk to the other female, she's there and he now assumes you weren't all that interested anyways.

We may have left the jungle, but that doesn't mean the jungle left us.

I can relate.
Where are all of the compatible guys hiding?




That's sound awful. I can see why you'd want to avoid it.
I know you have to play to a degree, by attracting them in the first place, but I hate that it becomes nothing more than a competition. Because a competition is a game and a game means that it isn't genuine.

Last edited by AuroraBorealisGazer on 07 Jan 2016, 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It just so happens that you're a fine-looking woman, SLW. You look sort of like the Mona Lisa--except better-looking.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 07 Jan 2016, 4:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.