Importance of driving/transport in a relationship?

Post Reply New Topic

Didn't he state he didn't have the right situational awareness?

Is risking your life and the lives of other people for what is basically an option form of individual transport (and a wasteful and polluting one at that) simply because of the American cultural indoctrination where every individual needs a car kind of stupid? Driving a machine that can kill is a big responsibility and not one to be taken lightly if you don't have the right moto-co-ordination abilities. Would you trust someone who struggles in that area to operate surgery on you?

I mean, I live in Barcelona right now. Previously I have lived in London and spent a lot of time in Denmark too. Whilst in all those countries if you are out in the countryside it helps to have a car (although even there options are available) the idea that the car should be the main form of transportation in urban areas is absurd and strongly discouraged by government policies. To me this feels like absurd and irrational behaviour primarily driven by a history and advertising and manipulation of social perception by large companies in connivance with the government to form this concept that somehow the car is the ultimate arbiter of individuality. (Similar to the American sickness that is the obsession with guns.)

In Denmark there is a 180% tax on car ownership. People cycle every where and there are cycle lanes for that purpose. There are very few deaths by car and people are actually generally a lot healthier and fitter as a consequence, and often have less commuting time than Americans stuck behind cars trying to get into congested cities.

As for the OP: your best option is going to a large city where most people commute by metro. Beyond this particular issue you're also likely to find a wider mixture of more educated and/or strange people who might be more on your wave length there and there are FAR more social opportunities and types of social opportunities in these places. I regret not having moved from my provincial area earlier as my life has been a lot more satisfying since I moved to major cultural and political centres.

I hope he gets the opportunity to move to a major metro area.

I had a hard time learning to drive....but after many years, I succeeded.

Barcelona is a nice city.

Agree with ferrus91, OP.

Wait to date until you're living somewhere that has great public transport. Having lived in London I'd say it's actually a place where having a car is a hindrance.
Location determines the need for a car.

Sure, it's nice to have. It can be convenient. But if you live somewhere that's easy to get around you won't miss it much, nor will you lose out that much on getting dates.
Unless you're drawn to the status seeking types, i s'pose... *shrug*

Having a car helps, that's all...what it doesn't do, I'd suggest, is guarantee an increase in anyones chances if their personality stinks.

The keyword in your post is "dealbreaker" - so it is likely a dealbreaker for women if they live in certain areas.

The OP lives in a small town, and if the transport was cheap and excellent between town and city then those concerns wouldn't even cross his mind.

I didn't learn to drive until my early twenties, and I'm glad I did. I was very nervous, especially since my city is a confusing place in which to drive, with lots of angry drivers and speeding. Plenty of one-way streets, and places where one wrong move could have you going miles in the wrong direction with no place to stop.

But I learned. And I'm a pretty good driver. I'm usually confident about my skills even though I do get lost at times.

Being able to drive can give a person a lot of independence. At your age, there are still a number of people who haven't yet learned to drive. But as you get older, that number will dwindle, and I'm afraid it will be difficult to find someone who can handle that in a relationship.

Wrongplanet is the most unrealistically idealistic and politically correct online community I had ever seen so far.

I think the idea behind the idealistic attitude is to be encouraging and protective of others' feelings, but I'm not sure that it's always very helpful.

I'd personally rather have the more realistic viewpoint if I were asking for advice.

I'm lucky to live in a big city with decent transport. I also like walking.

I have a license but I hate driving so don't. I've also been used for rides in the past, so am not interested doing it just becuase it is required. I'm not interested in getting rides either so I'm a bit unconventional.

Maybe it is important, but currently I couldn't give a crap.

Thanks for the suggestions about relocating to a more metropolitan area. However due to choices of my own making, I will likely be earning minimum wage from a conventional job for quite some time, so moving to a city for example will be something I may not be able to do for quite some time. I study Music Production at University, and from what I can gather it takes a gruelling amount of time to earn any serious income from this industry no matter how hard working you are.

I however have two options: I can either continue to live at home for my final year of University as I've always done, and use my Student Loan to pay for driving lessons and start again. Or I can rent in a city my University is based in (student loan) where the transport is great and has lots of places to go, so a possible opportunity to start dating. I've posted in depth about this previously, about this dilemma of moving to University.
Does anyone think I should choose a certain path over the other? I'm tearing my hair and going around in circles about all this. And not to sound desperate or anything but I feel if I don't try and start dating soon I'll just leave it and it will get harder for me so I want to be in a relationship sooner than later, and the pressures of learning to drive on top of this is getting to me. Any help/advice about this dilemma is appreciated.

No car, no job, and living at your parents house is a 'no-go' for 90% of the women in this country I would imagine. Try to learn again but also don't think that will magically change anything. Without a car you have to live in a major metropolitan area with public transportation which more than often sucks and is filled miscreants and vagrants of varying mental health and drug addiction so even in these places it would be better to have a car. There aren't many places in the US where you can get by with no transportation except for like NYC. Really can't imagine there are many women out there that would tolerate not having those things unless they didn't and even then they'd probably want a partner who did.

I would think it more important to learn to drive before trying to find a date. You have lots of time to date. Being unable to drive could affect much more than your dating opportunities, and the longer you wait, the more you will likely fear trying it again.

It doesn’t seem very worthwhile to get a licence if you won’t be able to afford a car for the foreseeable future, though. This is why I’ve almost forgotten not driving or having a car is yet another decisive strike against me.

I like it. I guess a big emphasis should be made on he.

Unfortunate that it's such a hindrance in life. The workforce and such will expect you to be able to drive, and even jobs that it is unnecessary you may still be judged discriminatorily for it.

I keep getting pressured from my Mum, even though traffic here is outright dangerous and major highways run through this city (accidents are common, peopl speeding in sports cars, emergency vehicles rushing through, and big cattle delivery trucks.

Besides, some places, such as Australia's major metro hubs and capitals, you could actually beat drivers by food or bike due to traffic congestion.

Op: Just say you care about the environment. It may sound hypocritical because you use public transportation, but iny humble of opinion 20 people on. 1 single bus, 20 walking and 20 on bikes is better than 60 in big four wheel drives.

I agree with the pro-green Danish gentleman

Nothing wrong with relying on public transportation if it exists in the area and is reliable. The public transportation in my area is very limited and unreliable. They eliminated a lot of bus routes and so made it even more difficult for those without a vehicle or license.

It's always good to be able to drive and I would encourage you to learn. But not for the sake of dating. As long as you are able to get to your crush, you should be fine :-

My ex had a driving licence but never bought a car and even though we broke up at the end, it wasn't because of that. If a girl is able to find herself another guy who would be driving her around (as someone suggested) then she is also able to find herself another guy who doesn't have ASD and all the problems associated with it, sorry to be so direct about that

You need to find yourself someone who accepts you and who you can connect with. Good luck