Putting People on Pedestals

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rdos
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05 Jul 2016, 5:34 am

hurtloam wrote:

On the other hand if someone puts you on a pedestal, that can be very frustrating, it feel like they don't see you as a fallible human, just as an object of desire and that can actually hurt. It's like they don't really value who you really are.

I don't agree with that as a reason to put somebody on a pedestal. It's not about desire or attraction, it's a sign of having an infatuation.

rdos
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05 Jul 2016, 5:39 am

Britte wrote:

I have done this throughout the course of my life, however, NOT for the same reasons that are being mentioned in this thread. I have NEVER put a love interest, nor a person I have been in a relationship with, on a pedestal, at least not in that regard. I have found that it happens, solely, when I am interacting with a person who I perceive as having an extremely high level of intelligence. If said person does become an interest of mine at some point, they will remain there, solely, based on the high level of intelligence they possess. ha hah. I have never understood why this phenomenon occurs, but, throughout my youth, especially, throughout the course of Jr. high school and high school, I would look up to, or feel slightly intimidated by people that were significantly more intelligent than myself. Especially, males for some reason. I have never made a connection as to why this is. I know that I admire this trait in others, but, why I do this, I do not know.

I'm a little similar in that respect, but I think the primary reason for me is not intelligence. To value intelligence highly in males appears to be a neurodiverse trait.

CommanderKeen
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05 Jul 2016, 5:48 am

Isn't it a good thing when people are in a relationship and infatuated with each other?

rdos
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05 Jul 2016, 7:03 am

CommanderKeen wrote:

Isn't it a good thing when people are in a relationship and infatuated with each other?

Of course it is. It's the best approach for creating something long-term.
'

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05 Jul 2016, 7:07 am

rdos wrote:

CommanderKeen wrote:

Isn't it a good thing when people are in a relationship and infatuated with each other?

Of course it is. It's the best approach for creating something long-term.
'

I know it is, but people here are implying that it isn't. This is a reason why I hate the new dating culture.

ShesGone
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05 Jul 2016, 7:42 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You slap my ass and yet you go eww over calling you Romeo?

Aw, man..it wasn't a convenient processing for a normal dude to associate you with Olivia Hussey. :roll:

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Amity
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05 Jul 2016, 7:50 am

Its the idea of someone that people put on a pedestal, not them as they really are, it puts acceptance of another person lower down on the priority list than the ideal version of them, it can only lead to disappointment. Everyone has flaws, to think otherwise is not practical.

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05 Jul 2016, 8:09 am

Amity wrote:

And? My point is, what's so wrong about thinking your partner is perfect? In fact, those are think they have a perfect partner are usually the ones who don't cheat. It's way better than nit picking your partner, which I see happen A LOT.

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05 Jul 2016, 8:15 am

CommanderKeen wrote:

Amity wrote:

And what?
Having a perfect partner is quite practical, someone who accepts you for who you are, not the idealised version of you.

I was referring to the pedestal notion, like in the thread title and was not referring to nitpicking either, more so focusing on being realistic instead of irrational.

The_Face_of_Boo
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05 Jul 2016, 8:27 am

I would love if it a girl puts me on a pedestal, I would strip for her on it.

Or ....for you, if you throw me $$.

nurseangela
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05 Jul 2016, 8:49 am

Oh boy. Lord help us all.

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05 Jul 2016, 8:57 am

I have dealt with women and have seen other men deal with women whom lost interest in them because they were "too nice". This is why I bring things like this up. I've seen woman sleep around on guys and then tell them it's because they were "too nice", I've witnessed guys treat their girlfriend like a queen only to get sh** on. I myself was manipulated in a relationship while the girl played the victim and than later told me it was my fault, because she told me before we got together that she's good at getting what she wants and I should have known I would get manipulated.

Amity
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05 Jul 2016, 9:57 am

^Do you think some of those are people who don't know what they want, and go out with someone just for the sake of being in a relationship? I do.

Boo, I would pay you to keep your clothes on!

rdos
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05 Jul 2016, 10:25 am

Amity wrote:

Not if it is based on infatuation. The "real" version appears when the infatuation gets weaker, but before this happens people will have gotten to known each others without a lot of strange selection processes that has no real relevance (looks, interests, social position). Still, you should evaluate a few important traits before getting an infatuation, like neurotype, "niceness", ability to compromise and persistence.

rdos
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05 Jul 2016, 10:38 am

Amity wrote:

CommanderKeen wrote:

Amity wrote:

And what?
Having a perfect partner is quite practical, someone who accepts you for who you are, not the idealised version of you.

Not really. Infatuation filters out negative traits, often simple flaws that people can see beyond if they are attached. In modern dating, it's the reverse. Simple flaws makes people reject potential partners on not-so-useful grounds, while predatory traits are missed because they can be masked on a few arranged dates. A thorough observation phase will almost always find predatory traits, while simple flaws are not so important.

Amity wrote:

I was referring to the pedestal notion, like in the thread title and was not referring to nitpicking either, more so focusing on being realistic instead of irrational.

Love isn't and shouldn't be rational.

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05 Jul 2016, 10:42 am

Amity wrote:

^Do you think some of those are people who don't know what they want, and go out with someone just for the sake of being in a relationship? I do.

Boo, I would pay you to keep your clothes on!

Are you implying that it's their and my fault?

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