The line between confidence and arrogance

Post Reply New Topic

^ This approach of being defined by another makes no sense to me, do I understand what you are saying? that confidence or arrogance is an idea held by another based on their perception of the attractiveness of the man.

I cant agree, arrogance is based on a concept/idea of exaggerated attributes-the words and actions will not match, confidence is based in reality, on observable attributes.

Not so. If you boast about your virtues to somebody that likes you a lot, they will interpret it as "confidence", but the same action to somebody that doesn't like you will be interpreted as "arrogance" or "boasting". Think of it like this: Will anybody agree that they are arrogant? Very few will, and therefore the concept is based on what others see, and not what you think about yourself.

I think very few people will like any one person a lot.
What is your definition of confidence?

From Wikipedia:



It should be obvious that this is related to what other's think and not your own position. If I have a really odd hypothesis that almost everybody thinks is wrong, but I have reason to believe is correct, then I will define myself as confident while others will define me as arrogant, and it doesn't matter if the hypothesis is right or wrong, or what I base my beliefs on.

Unfortunately we will have to disagree, as it is not obvious to me why the difference between confidence and arrogance lies externally in the eyes of the beholder.

Both those characteristics are internal processes, they can certainly be influenced by, but are not determined by an external force. A persons choices might be limited but they have the ability to make their own decisions.

I think arrogant people act more entitled and pushy.

Confident people don't have to brag about their virtues; they know they have these virtues without having to talk about them.

If one talks about their virtues constantly, one is usually not confident.

Arrogance is using your "virtues" against other people in a pushy way.

To sum up, the difference is simple: if you want to praise someone, you say they’re confident; if you want to insult them, you say they’re arrogant.

If one is very confident at math, he always volunteers to solve problems and always gets A++ on them - when that person says "I am excellent at math" , will you view him as arrogant or confident?
As confident of course because he has a proof that that he's excellent at it.

But if this same person is very unattractive and ugly physically and tells you "I am a girls magnet" - will you believe him in this instance as confident or arrogant?
As arrogant of course, because you know that you and your female friends don't find him attractive at all, so you would label him as arrogant.

But if someone else is a drop-dead gorgeous guy tells you "I am a girls magnet" and you know that is true because you know how much you and all your female friends drool for him, there's a proof that he's right. Will you see him as arrogant then?



And what's self-confidence anyway? What if one has great self-confidence in one area (ie. math) yet has no self-confidence in another area (ie. talking with girls).
Is that person self-confident or not?

I feel that you women when you talk about self-confidence in men you're being then sous-entendu very specific: it's the social confidence, the way the guy presents himself in front of women and how he talks to them.

Exactly. That was the part I missed previously and didn't know how to explain. IOW, for most girls, confidence in a guy is how he appears to women. For instance, if an ND guy follows the usual scripts and approaches a girl he will be somewhat uncomfortable with this, and girls are likely to pick this up as "he is not confident". OTOH, when I do the eye-contact game with girls, I'm sure I appear to be highly confident to them because I can do that naturally and I know from previously doing this that it works, so I can approach it without any doubts that it won't work.

Maybe it is a matter of perspective but I dont think of confidence as:

To me confidence is natural, not fake or a pretense, its accepting that your way of being is just fine as it is, knowing your strengths and weaknesses, being ok with your imperfections, working on ways to improve yourself, but not measuring your self worth against other peoples achievements/competencies... It takes a confident person to be comfortable with their shortcomings, they are self aware but not self conscious.
At the heart of it all a confident person knows how to accept his/her flaws/imperfections which is a strong indicator that they will be capable of accepting their love interests imperfections too.

Confidence isn’t natural if you know you have no reason to be confident.

I agree with Amity. Having confidence means you aren't going to be so heavily invested in the opinions of others.

The trouble is, you cannot decide any of the above things when you see a guy for the first time, so you will (probably) go by his social confidence as a replacement. If he appears to be nervous when he is making contact with you, then you will judge him as "not confident", while if he seems sure about himself, he will appear to be "confident". At least in my experience, this is exactly how it works, and it is not unique to NTs either, rather is relevant for NDs as well. Also, this is naturally tied to attractiveness too, because this kind of confidence increases with successful interactions with girls, and decreases with failures. Because attractive guys can get away with a lot, and still get positive feedback, their confidence will grow and generally be higher than for the ugly guys.

Last edited by rdos on 13 Aug 2016, 4:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

How typical.... this poetry again.

**yawn**

No offense Amity, it's not just you.

Dear...... MOST sane and adult humans are aware of their own strengths and weaknesses unless they're being delusional narcissists, so most men are confident?
if so then why this quality is so special?



Dear.... if one doesn't measure his self worth in the world by measuring other peoples achievements/competencies then he won't be able to know what are his shortcomings and what to improve in himself in the first place....

All adults compare themselves against the world.




Most adults are like that.


I still believe that when most women talk about self confidence in men, they usually refer to the social confidence in front of women ie. Not shy, smoothness in talking...etc

This is...a killer debate point.

Very good point rdos.

Weird, I am agreeing with you a lot in this thread!!

Amity, you have to admit that you lost in this - how can you know a guy that deeply about his acceptance of his strengths/imperfections...etc etc from the first dates? This requires knowing the person on deep level.

So....


"rdos/Boo" Team: 1

"WP ladies who so love to mystify 'Confidence' beyond its meaning" Team: 0