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Venting of a "friendzoned" AS dude

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Sabreclaw
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28 Aug 2016, 3:50 pm

Hopper wrote:
PuzzlePieces1 wrote:
IIf you need to, take a moment and jot down a list of all your positive qualities. Look over that honest, long list of all the things that make you great. The problem is with HER if she doesn't recognize what a catch you are.


In the interest of balance, OP could well be a terrible human being and might not be much of a catch. For all we know he spits at homeless people and tells friendly cats to go away when they come up to him in the street. He probably doesn't, and in fact is probably a perfectly decent person, but I just wanted to be clear that, though encouragement and support can be a good thing, offering them to a homeless-spitter and cat-ignorer would only reinforce their terrible behaviour. ;)


Didn't Adolf Hitler have a girlfriend?



The_Face_of_Boo
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28 Aug 2016, 5:10 pm

^^^ There are plenty of men with horrible personality, criminals, wive-beaters, alcoholics, bitter, drug addicts and yet are in relationship.

Hell, even some infamous serial killers have fangirls.

So a good personality doesn't guarantee a relationship.

And a criminal/horrible personality doesn't guarantee non-relationship.

But some WP knights are so narrow-minded to the extent that whenever they see a guy venting about never having a relationship, they typically respond with something like "Ahhhh, your post sounds bitterrrr, so your personality is bitter and bad...AHA!! no wonder (they're always use this 'no wonder') you don't a girlfriend!".

No, it's not because of that, that is just a consequence, enough silliness...

Personality goodness/badness isn't the root of the problem, really.



Hopper
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28 Aug 2016, 5:36 pm

There's no accounting for taste, nor for the psychologically damaged and substance-addicted.

There's a fair few couples like that round where I live, and they seem quite happy in their daytime drunk, co-dependent way. It really does take all sorts.

It's why I'm essentially an optimist when it comes to romantic prospects. I just assumed most WPers were looking for something a little less downward-spirally than that.

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So a good personality doesn't guarantee a relationship.

And a criminal/horrible personality doesn't guarantee non-relationship.

Personality goodness/badness isn't the root of the problem, really.


Then there's the Nice Guy Brigade, who'd swear a good personality is exactly what is keeping them from romantic success.


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auntblabby
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28 Aug 2016, 5:46 pm

there may be approx. 3.5 billion fairer genders out there but that is no guarantee that any of them want anything to do with me.



PuzzlePieces1
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28 Aug 2016, 5:46 pm

Hopper wrote:
PuzzlePieces1 wrote:
IIf you need to, take a moment and jot down a list of all your positive qualities. Look over that honest, long list of all the things that make you great. The problem is with HER if she doesn't recognize what a catch you are.


In the interest of balance, OP could well be a terrible human being and might not be much of a catch. For all we know he spits at homeless people and tells friendly cats to go away when they come up to him in the street. He probably doesn't, and in fact is probably a perfectly decent person, but I just wanted to be clear that, though encouragement and support can be a good thing, offering them to a homeless-spitter and cat-ignorer would only reinforce their terrible behaviour. ;)


LOL. You're funny. :-)



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28 Aug 2016, 6:15 pm

Hopper wrote:
Then there's the Nice Guy Brigade, who'd swear a good personality is exactly what is keeping them from romantic success.


That lot are a bunch of idiots and should be ignored. Most of them aren't actually all that nice anyway.



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28 Aug 2016, 8:29 pm

auntblabby wrote:
there may be approx. 3.5 billion fairer genders out there but that is no guarantee that any of them want anything to do with me.


I'd say your odds are pretty good that quite a few will, especially if you take good care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. Make yourself into the best version of yourself and you'll just naturally meet someone -- probably without even actively looking for them. And when you do meet that person, you will be so self-assured and content that you won't be needy or co-dependent and end up driving them away.

Also, listen to what women around you say about themselves when they are trying to impress someone romantically. People of both sexes engage in something called "projection" where they express qualities about themselves that they are actually looking for in another person. This can be helpful when trying to determine if someone you might be romantically interested in has the same values as you. (This also happens to be the cause of the much-maligned "Nice Guy Syndrome".)



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28 Aug 2016, 8:33 pm

PuzzlePieces1 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
there may be approx. 3.5 billion fairer genders out there but that is no guarantee that any of them want anything to do with me.


I'd say your odds are pretty good that quite a few will, especially if you take good care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. Make yourself into the best version of yourself and you'll just naturally meet someone -- probably without even actively looking for them. And when you do meet that person, you will be so self-assured and content that you won't be needy or co-dependent and end up driving them away.

Also, listen to what women around you say about themselves when they are trying to impress someone romantically. People of both sexes engage in something called "projection" where they express qualities about themselves that they are actually looking for in another person. This can be helpful when trying to determine if someone you might be romantically interested in has the same values as you. (This also happens to be the cause of the much-maligned "Nice Guy Syndrome".)

so far have found not a trace of any potential mate with similar values as me.



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28 Aug 2016, 8:39 pm

auntblabby wrote:
PuzzlePieces1 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
there may be approx. 3.5 billion fairer genders out there but that is no guarantee that any of them want anything to do with me.


I'd say your odds are pretty good that quite a few will, especially if you take good care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. Make yourself into the best version of yourself and you'll just naturally meet someone -- probably without even actively looking for them. And when you do meet that person, you will be so self-assured and content that you won't be needy or co-dependent and end up driving them away.

Also, listen to what women around you say about themselves when they are trying to impress someone romantically. People of both sexes engage in something called "projection" where they express qualities about themselves that they are actually looking for in another person. This can be helpful when trying to determine if someone you might be romantically interested in has the same values as you. (This also happens to be the cause of the much-maligned "Nice Guy Syndrome".)

so far have found not a trace of any potential mate with similar values as me.


Maybe you aren't throwing your net wide enough. How well-populated is the area where you live? It's easier to meet someone when you live in a major metropolitan area. For example, the county I live in has a population of over 1 million people. That's a lot of potential dates.



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28 Aug 2016, 9:12 pm

PuzzlePieces1 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
PuzzlePieces1 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
there may be approx. 3.5 billion fairer genders out there but that is no guarantee that any of them want anything to do with me.


I'd say your odds are pretty good that quite a few will, especially if you take good care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. Make yourself into the best version of yourself and you'll just naturally meet someone -- probably without even actively looking for them. And when you do meet that person, you will be so self-assured and content that you won't be needy or co-dependent and end up driving them away.

Also, listen to what women around you say about themselves when they are trying to impress someone romantically. People of both sexes engage in something called "projection" where they express qualities about themselves that they are actually looking for in another person. This can be helpful when trying to determine if someone you might be romantically interested in has the same values as you. (This also happens to be the cause of the much-maligned "Nice Guy Syndrome".)

so far have found not a trace of any potential mate with similar values as me.


Maybe you aren't throwing your net wide enough. How well-populated is the area where you live? It's easier to meet someone when you live in a major metropolitan area. For example, the county I live in has a population of over 1 million people. That's a lot of potential dates.

I've lived in large areas and small areas, presently I live in the woods in a tin can with relatively few people around me for miles. the results are the same regardless. I lack the social genes plus I have some cognitive deficits that result in me falling down when called to socialize. I was told I lack body language and facial expression. when I try those things they are wildly off the mark. others call it "uncanny valley syndrome."



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29 Aug 2016, 12:41 am

Hopper wrote:
There's no accounting for taste, nor for the psychologically damaged and substance-addicted.

There's a fair few couples like that round where I live, and they seem quite happy in their daytime drunk, co-dependent way. It really does take all sorts.

It's why I'm essentially an optimist when it comes to romantic prospects. I just assumed most WPers were looking for something a little less downward-spirally than that.

Quote:
So a good personality doesn't guarantee a relationship.

And a criminal/horrible personality doesn't guarantee non-relationship.

Personality goodness/badness isn't the root of the problem, really.


Then there's the Nice Guy Brigade, who'd swear a good personality is exactly what is keeping them from romantic success.


and then there's the White Knights brigade who think that attacking guys on forums and "defending" "ladies in distress" online would make women throw themselves on them.
I personally see few of them here, they are the male users who *always* criticize male users only and never ever criticized a post from a female. ;) I wonder why.



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29 Aug 2016, 4:06 am

Whoa. Sudden thread 'splosion.

Hopper wrote:
In the interest of balance, OP could well be a terrible human being and might not be much of a catch. For all we know he spits at homeless people and tells friendly cats to go away when they come up to him in the street. He probably doesn't, and in fact is probably a perfectly decent person, but I just wanted to be clear that, though encouragement and support can be a good thing, offering them to a homeless-spitter and cat-ignorer would only reinforce their terrible behaviour. ;)


I like to think I'm not that terrible a person. :P

In all fairness, though, you do bring up a valid point. Bad people do exist, after all. I think that's an especially important factor to consider when talking to people on the Internet. You never know who does what outside of it.


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30 Aug 2016, 10:15 pm

auntblabby wrote:
PuzzlePieces1 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
PuzzlePieces1 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
there may be approx. 3.5 billion fairer genders out there but that is no guarantee that any of them want anything to do with me.


I'd say your odds are pretty good that quite a few will, especially if you take good care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. Make yourself into the best version of yourself and you'll just naturally meet someone -- probably without even actively looking for them. And when you do meet that person, you will be so self-assured and content that you won't be needy or co-dependent and end up driving them away.

Also, listen to what women around you say about themselves when they are trying to impress someone romantically. People of both sexes engage in something called "projection" where they express qualities about themselves that they are actually looking for in another person. This can be helpful when trying to determine if someone you might be romantically interested in has the same values as you. (This also happens to be the cause of the much-maligned "Nice Guy Syndrome".)

so far have found not a trace of any potential mate with similar values as me.


Maybe you aren't throwing your net wide enough. How well-populated is the area where you live? It's easier to meet someone when you live in a major metropolitan area. For example, the county I live in has a population of over 1 million people. That's a lot of potential dates.

I've lived in large areas and small areas, presently I live in the woods in a tin can with relatively few people around me for miles. the results are the same regardless. I lack the social genes plus I have some cognitive deficits that result in me falling down when called to socialize. I was told I lack body language and facial expression. when I try those things they are wildly off the mark. others call it "uncanny valley syndrome."


I don't mean to sound blunt here, but you've basically got two choices: 1.) Take a look at what you've been doing and how you've been behaving and make changes to improve the situation or 2.) Give up and live like a hermit in a cabin on the side of some desolate mountain. Which is it going to be, because venting on an internet forum with no plan to improve your life is not really going to help anything.



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31 Aug 2016, 6:21 am

hurtloam wrote:
I think i understand. I have a male acquaintance that I want to be more than friends with, but I'm trying to remain friends with him and it's just not working. It hurts too much and I still have feelings for him. I really don't think the friendship is going to work out.

I'm even thinking of moving to a different town so that I can stop bumping into him or his family when I'm out and about. I'd like to go to the supermarket without the anxiety of having to pretend I'm OK if I see them.
What happened? Did you tell him how you felt?


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31 Aug 2016, 9:26 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I think i understand. I have a male acquaintance that I want to be more than friends with, but I'm trying to remain friends with him and it's just not working. It hurts too much and I still have feelings for him. I really don't think the friendship is going to work out.

I'm even thinking of moving to a different town so that I can stop bumping into him or his family when I'm out and about. I'd like to go to the supermarket without the anxiety of having to pretend I'm OK if I see them.
What happened? Did you tell him how you felt?


I invited him somewhere and got ghosted.



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31 Aug 2016, 9:28 am

whatamievendoing wrote:
Whoa. Sudden thread 'splosion.

Hopper wrote:
In the interest of balance, OP could well be a terrible human being and might not be much of a catch. For all we know he spits at homeless people and tells friendly cats to go away when they come up to him in the street. He probably doesn't, and in fact is probably a perfectly decent person, but I just wanted to be clear that, though encouragement and support can be a good thing, offering them to a homeless-spitter and cat-ignorer would only reinforce their terrible behaviour. ;)


I like to think I'm not that terrible a person. :P

In all fairness, though, you do bring up a valid point. Bad people do exist, after all. I think that's an especially important factor to consider when talking to people on the Internet. You never know who does what outside of it.


10 out of 10 for mature response!