A strange kind of attraction

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To learn about someone that deeply online (including life difficulties, troubles...etc) would require from her at least some frequent contact with the guy, a lot of texting, chatting, phone calling, video calling...etc.

But she can't demand to learn the negative side of a person from the very beginning,before going through the bonding process, from his profile and from his first messages in order for her to feel this "attraction" , there's a natural course for this.

- unless the guy is an emo. If so, I advise her to go for emos. Or she would need to visit trouble-minded forums (ie.WP, anxiety forums, phobias communities..etc) and seek for guys there.

Otherwise this is impossible.

If we want to help the OP, we need to think reasonable and tell her what's pragmatic and what's not.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 03 Oct 2016, 2:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

Again i respect your own personal opinion but again wrong. They dated online and she moved from the south island to the north and moved in with him straight away and are still happy. So again not 'IMPOSSIBLE'. this includes the thousands if not millions of people around the world that have had similar situations. To claim 'Impossibility'. No single human would have experienced it in the present , past and future and proof has debunked the last two and will continually debunk the future presumption of impossibility aswell. Just sayin .

There is also the situation of Love at first sight where many marriages have explained such situations.
love has no rules! its as individual as a personality as it is part of, so yes some may need to date and know each other first but then you have some that get that connection online and i understand why because has been mentioned to me in the past you tend to open up about things alot more when not face to face giving a deeper level of connection.

Are you sure of the process of bonding online they went through?

So what happened exactly in your real-life example? The guy messaged her first time and included "...and oh btw, my life difficulties are X and Y....I am struggling in A and B ....but I keep walking..." - and she fell for him and moved to the north for him just like that?

There was no extensive, frequent, daily, online communication via various mediums before her decision?

I have absolutely no idea what they said online, all i know is she moved up here and directly moved in with him and have been happy ever since. Which as mentioned was argument to your ideology of something of this nature as being 'Impossible'. As have many many other human beings experianced around the planet.

I find it highly improbable and unlikely that there was no extensive online communication before reaching this stage.

Your original post stated

That is what i have been responding to with my discussion with your idea of 'Impossibility'.
Your last statement was contradictory to what was originally stated. Either way it does happen has happened and will still happen. I cant say anymore than that really. Dont even get me started on arranged marriages where both individuals have never even met online let alone in person. Its not something i believe in personally but know some Indian school friends that have gone through arranged marriages and again are madly in love with each other.... Humans have been trying to work the secrets of love for millennia and have all failed based on the fact everyone is individual and has their own individual thoughts on their own ideologies of love. Imagine how rich you would be if you were the one to find that secret, but no one ever will because of its uniqueness to each individual

I haven't been very well supported in the past on my emotional issues so I've learnt to keep all those inner workings private. As a result I can feel quite resentful of a person who doesn't do the same, it's like they're breaking the rules or cheating; if they can share then that means I didn't have to suffer in silence my whole life, and at this point that seems kind of 'wrong'. I don't mind it in an appropriate scenario, on WP for example it's refreshing, but in person I feel this gut reaction "no, you have to pretend to be strong, that's the social deal".

It's something I'll have to work on I guess...

Yes, trying to find the balance between what society expects and what works for yourself as an individual can be very confusing especially on the spectrum. Hence why i like openness ( and can be hard at times to express certain things!), it leaves less guessing. We are all human and ALL humans have had difficulties. I cant say mine are worse than someone elses as it is all relevant to each individuals circumstance. I have been left frustrated in the past when i feel my partner should have understood something i was feeling and didnt which seems apparently common for people on the spectrum to some extent to expect the other person to pick up/understand what i am feeling/thinking but realize this is not the case, hence why i have been open for a long time the idea of communication no matter how bad they have perceived their lives to have been.
I literally just had a similar experience with my flatmate. I have been going on all week about a certain job that needs doing and said Tuesday will be the final day that i can leave it. It was yes'es all last week and the weekend, but just brought it up and now he says he cant remember/didn't say any of the conversations we had and will not be involved with it tomorrow. Yes, feeling somewhat frustrated and realize why i do things on my own! I have been prepared for this all week and now im in a state of panic a little! lol... Its just another problem that needs solving and ill work it out, but does deepen my sceptisism when people say they are going to do something and dont but make it worse by then saying they either cant remember the numerous conversations or that the conversations never happened! grrrr

Ok...fine , you're right, by 'online' there I was referring to the online dating site - and not through other stronger online mediums such as online chatting, voice and video calls.

It wasn't so much about either of us being right or wrong, it was just about the phrase 'Impossible'... Just gave a few examples (and they did meet on an online dating site ) that it can be possible, but as mentioned you are also right in many ways as everyone is different so there are many that would share the same view as your good-self and would certainly wish to meet face to face over a period of time but there is a subset of individuals that will fall for each other outside what is perceived to be the 'Norm'.

I've liked guys online before, but it usually doesn't happen in dating sites.

I recently read that being vulnerable is attractive because it shows high status. I don't understand that because most people who are well liked don't seem to openly talk about their problems and bad experiences all the time. This also isn't the reason why I think it's attractive. There are some people are well liked who I don't like because some are mean and manipulative and some who aren't well like who I do like because I can relate to them or they might have other good qualities. It also makes it sound like people who aren't liked by others aren't allowed to show their vulnerability. I guess that kind of makes sense because I usually don't open up to that many people because it's been used against me several times before, but if it's just a one on one interaction it wouldn't really make any difference.