LADIES....

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Well only 1/5 relationships start online, so that means the other 4 and majority start by meeting out and about and mutual friends(been told it's also minority)

Indeed I can't read people well, better the some other aspies but no where like nuts and. To struggle at reading women.

I don't have any friends

Yeah. And the most recent one inevitably devolved into "so are you a virgin lol?" and "what do you mean by being less strait laced than people think " sort of territory and it was gross and awkward. One guy stopped talking to me immediately after he realized I wasn't interested in dating him. He acted super nice and friendly for a couple weeks, finally asked about my sexual orientation (I'm sex repulsed ace) and after I told him he just stopped messaging me lol. (Mod edit: final sentence removed).

In response to SLY:

Statistically most people meet their partner through mutual friends, which is terrible for those of us who don't have any or very few actual nearby friends in the first place.

Also, it's difficult to make friends if you have none in the first place. You need to have friends to make friends, because you make friends by meeting people, and the only ways you can meet people are either at work, school, social events or through already existing friends.

Of my current friends, there is no one they can introduce me to.

We all live in different cities now but still talk.

I have no friends nearby I could just go see at any time, my best friend who lives a few hours away doesn't either, and my other friend, she also has no friends near her.

Long story short, we all moved away from our hometowns/the place where we all had friends, so and we're all pretty much alone now.

Only a very small minority find success from online dating, and even less from approaching strangers.

The only reason I push the advice of trying to approach and get to know stranger women is to use it as a last resort, when you have no other options left, and for a lot of aspie men who don't work/not studying/can't drive/etc. it doesn't take long before they have to resort to last resorts.

Evidence:



Source: https://mic.com/articles/112062/the-way ... -you-think

@boo, don't forget that there's a strong prevalence of native english speakers on this website. take the answers here with a grain of salt if you want to apply them to your own social context. i've been trying to be more mindful of this lately

Looks like you’re simply not supposed to ask anyone out, ever.

I don't feel particualrly comfortable getting messages from strangers on FaceBook, so I wouldn't really know.

Sure, because to ask a girl out you need "consent".

Ps: if you have him on fb, then he he's most likely not a complete stranger.

This how I would think too if a girl acquaintance I have on fb sends a hi to me.

I thought I would see more positive responses like this... then I scrolled down...

Jeez, forget about messaging anyone then - altogether.

If I already have them on fb or we have a mutual friend then I would just talk to them

If It was a complete stranger I would probably just ignore.

Is getting messages from strangers common? I get random friend requests but never any random messages.

Lol, I think the vast majority of males I've ever met would KILL for an average looking female friend or mutual friend they haven't hung out with too much to message them on facebook with interest in getting to know and date him.

I can't see how it's creepy if, say, your friend invites you to a small party, so you go and he two of your other friends are there, and a few people you've never met before.

However, your friend introduces to to the one's you've never met and they are alright people.

One of them is the opposite sex and there's a mutual physical attraction, you guys chat and have fun, maybe a little semi-flirting in there as well.

They message you a few hours after the event to chat for a little before asking you out.

Is this REALLY such an awful thing to do?

No, I'm not talking about pretending to be friends for a long time and then suddenly out of nowhere expressing romantic interest - I'm talking about guys who message a woman they've only just met not long ago and expressing his interest early.

No that's really normal. I think alot of people thought like complete strangers whose names you have never even heard of.

Like I personally have a fear of strangers so that's why I would ignore. But adding and talking to someone you met irl is pretty normal.

Thank you for providing some context Boo. I am sorry though to read the catastrophic conclusions of 'never' etc.
My initial response was to your literal question, taking into account my FB status and behavior (married and only adding people that I either know irl, have met irl, are friends of irl friends, are members of special interest FB groups or work-related acquaintances). If I get a message, anywhere online, I always look that person up and our previous interactions.

Also I'm not a native English speaker so I don't understand what has to do with anything.

But the country where I live is quite cold and people are also quite distant so a blunt approach like that is just generally considered out of place. FB is not used here as a dating site.
So there might be a cultural side to this discussion.

Anyways Boo my apologies for filling in the picture from my perspective only.
I do wonder about some commonalities that I seem to pick up on this forum about Aspie males approaching females which don't seem to work or are plain being misunderstood...

that was the point of my comment about "native english speakers" really. not the language itself, but the culture where people come from (it was sort of in reference to a topic boo started some time ago about broad cultural differences). i think the way people meet other people (and what is considered "normal" or "appropriate") can be very specific and localized, and those differences may not be so apparent online, because even though much of it does happen online nowadays, almost all of it happens "behind the scenes"

in my country, i think people tend to be a lot less guarded with strangers than in north america, and eccentricity tends to be more widely accepted or even encouraged sometimes. but at the same time, i think social networking tends to be more important in the usual process of meeting people who are supposed to matter to your life. there isn't really much of a concept of dating. afaik, most people here meet other people through group socialization (typically going out for a beer and snacks or pizza or steak or something like that). if you go out alone with someone, it's normally because you're already in a relationship with them. also the way people of all ages here use the internet seems to be very different (for example, people here seem to care a lot more about whatsapp than facebook)

though how exactly people go from group socialization to committed relationships still remains a mystery to me...

Thanks for this and I agree.
Also about whatsapp here being far more often used than FB, although the FB messenger is also used a lot.

The culture of being 'normal' and 'mainstreaming' here is very very apparent. (for me easier as the do's and don't rules are pretty obvious)

Some people add complete strangers on their facebook. My sister does this a lot (she has her reasons for this but her reasons are not always reasonable).
She has been messaged a lot by strangers among them one who told her he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her after he only had a short conversation with her and knew practically nothing about her. When she didn't want to meet him in real live he accused her of racism (he is black;she is white ). Another one ask her to send him nudes after a short conversation and got angry and insulting when she refused to. There were a lot more. Most of them she just wasn't interested in in any way. Some seemed rather desperate to get a girlfriend/any girlfriend and some obviously just wanted sex.
I've heard similar stories from other women too and they generally don't like it. There seem to be enough jerks around (or sometimes maybe just people who seem overly desperate) for many to expect every stranger messaging them to be one of these jerks. Apparently it's not that rare that people add random strangers on their facebook (at least in some regions of the world).

It's something completely different if they met the guy irl before though. I haven't yet heard any girl complain about being messaged by too many non-strangers.