Guys who've been 'ghosted'/ need to vent

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Not sure if it's really ghosting if you break it off and they wont listen and still act like you're their girlfriend leaving you no other real option than to cut off contact. I have been ghosted by guys but they didn't tell me they thought it wouldn't work out beforehand just stopped talking to me out of the blue.

One time though I met a guy at a bus stop and exchanged numbers, told him we could get together sometime the following week and start getting to know each other to see if a relationship would work between us. Well once I got on the bus he started spam texting me demanding to know when exactly we could see each other, saying how much he missed me and a bunch of stuff to which I told him I'd let him know when I figured out a time to meet up and reminded him we weren't a couple yet and I'd have to get to know him before deciding if I'd be his girlfriend.

I tried to be patient and such but he wouldn't stop and just got more aggressive with it so I just stopped responding after telling him I didn't want to meet anymore and he was being rude. But yeah I don't feel that was the same as ghosting someone you've led to believe you like.

Not in dating but it has happened to me in friendship or at least with people I thought were a friend, it is something that really effects your trust in other people and your self-esteem. Honestly it might be more painful with a friend because I had known the person from when we in 7th grade and it really makes you question if you ever were friends whereas I think with a romantic relationship it might just not work out. I never heard from that person again and I have no idea why so it is something that still replays in my head and I don't even know if I should be mad or what. It doesn't anger me honestly, it just makes me sad that I lost one of the few friends I had in life.

To be honest, no male ever ghosted me, not even once - this is a behavior I've only seen from females.

No message or text I've sent to a male ever remained non-replied.

I am curious GypsyPrime, were these friends males or females?

My ladyfriend told me a lot of her former friends who suddenly ghosted her for no reason (one even stopped picking the phone) and they were all females.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 12 Nov 2016, 7:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I am not a guy but I have been ghosted by my ex and it did hurt and gave me anxiety because he still had few of my things including my paycheck. So I did lose a few stuff but it could have been worse and he would say things to me like one time he said he was going to see his niece graduate and he wanted to take me with. But he wouldn't answer his phone and then that day came and he still wouldn't answer his phone so I went on with my day decided I wasn't going to let him give me anxiety. He would ignore me often and only talk sometimes and not follow through with his plans and then one day he was totally silent on me. It did hurt so don't do this to anyone without any closure. It's not ghosting if you give closure telling them it's over and to not contact you any further. But he didn't do that but I think in my case it was totally different because it was about control and a sick game he was playing and never returned my stuff but luckily it was all replaceable. Of course he denied this to me when he found my blog in my sig and said he did none of that stuff to me I said he did who is a she now. The only thing she admitted was the Dish Network thing by saying she took too long to give it to me and apologized for putting me through such stress. If my perceptions about her were wrong, she had her chance to defend herself to explain her side and the ghosting and the ignoring but denied it instead. She had her chance to give me closure but didn't do that and I have read you will never get closure from a narcissist.


I think ghosting is fine if you fear for your life because your partner is abusive. You get the hell out of there when you can and don't look back even if it means leaving your stuff behind and starting over or replacing it. You can leave a note if you like (it wouldn't be ghosting anymore because you told them it was over and you are gone) but don't tell them where you are and change your number and have all your friends and family lie about your whereabouts.

I've known men and women to 'ghost'; it is not an exclusively female action. I only asked for 'guys' in the thread title because it was relevant to this situation, but really it doesn't matter.

Maybe...but not in my experience.

^^^ I can tell 'not from your experience' lol That's fair enough, we only know what we experience after all.

I would say, if it does seem like a female-specific behaviour, maybe consider what social programming has gone into making it so. Girls in most cultures are raised to be pleasing, passive and non-confrontational. Possibly then 'ghosting' is a natural bi-product of this culture.

That doesn't make it OK, and it doesn't take away from the negative experiences you've had. Additionally, no girl is so naive as to not know how hurtful and annoying ghosting is, so they're not absolved by any means.

But maybe think about why they do it. I bet the vast majority don't do it for pleasure, or to be bitchy just for the hell of it. Maybe it's just the behaviour most suitable to their programming.

In this case I can see it being acceptable, as it isn't just being nasty and fake and acting stuck up towards someone, this person is being rather pushy and not being able to just take no for an answer and he thinks he can just change your mind on it. This term is new to me but I don't think this would even count as "ghosting", more so just trying to avoid someone creepy that is causing you distress. It is like maybe you guys could have been friends at least, but he has pushed it to the point where that doesn't seem possible anymore, so that is all on him.

Nope that wouldn't be ghosting because you had told the person it's over. Ghosting is when you just walk out on a relationship without saying anything. You just move out one day and not answer their calls or you change your number or block their number or you just quit answering their emails and texts and phone calls if it's a long distance relationship or not living together.

Hey Rachel
I think it is down to a number of factors. But the main one i will try to talk about is emotions as thats seems to be what you are trying to understand.
Love in itself is a form of clinical insanity. As it is not something people experience every day emotionally so when it does happen can drive people to do and say things way beyond the norm of social acceptance. Not only that but due to his age he has very little experience in this area and unable to control such new feelings which in turn can turn into a form of obsession which i believe is happening/happened. Also take into account the social aspect, we often hear people talk about partners being plain hard to get and showing persistence can eventually win the lady over.. Yes with some people this may happen and maybe true but not all ( actually id say a minority) but it is something that has been put out there.. So by being persistent he may falsely think he will eventually win you over and is likely self justifying it as the alternative can make him feel sad and depressed.. I dont know his social background but is likely someone that isnt totally self confident and in someways is trying to fill a hole in that and thinks you are the answer to his happiness.. This again is a form of destructive behavior on his behalf. As sadly as the case maybe the only way to get the message across to him is i think now to literally not talk to him in anyway possible unless you have to via work, dont invite him out for a cup of coffee etc as he will be looking for any reason to think he is in for a chance and therefor will constantly create ideologies in his head thinking that you are interested in him because you invited him for a coffee. Unfortunately all ties need to be broken at this point as it has turned into an unhealthy obsession from his point.
You have been kind and have maturely explained not only your situation but also your view of no future romantic interactions which he has yet to accept. Im afraid only being kind and generous in this situation i think is just going to keep re enforcing his behaviors.. So i do think you need to create a bit of a cold shoulder from this point. Even down if necessary talking to the store manager who in turn will have to have a third party talk with him as this is now getting to a level of harassment and i think he needs to hear it from someone else for the penny to sink in!

Ghosting as you put it isnt nice for anyone male or female, however you have openly and maturely explained how you feel and it has fallen on deaf ears which now in turn is effecting your well being... So giving him the total cold shoulder is a must as painful as it may be to you, but short term pain is better than a long term headache! You may feel guilty but in reality you should be feeling angry at him for having to put you in that situation, if he cant accept via mature adult conversation then sometimes having to be a bit cold is the only way some people will get the message, so if you do do that dont feel bad!! ! He forced you to take a not so nice approach for him to understand.. Right now this is not love but an unhealthy obsession he has with you which in some part has come to light due to little experience in this area... This is not someone any human being should be with until he is able to control such emotions. Relationships are give and take from both parties, this is totally one sided and is actually showing you alot of disrespect with some very evident narcissistic qualities....

None of this is any fault of yours whatsoever, so please dont think in any way it is, you have handled it way better than most. Now you need to put on the cowboy hat and act cold even if you may not feel that way..

Love can be the best thing and the worst and this is clearly not heading at all in the direction of something positive... Dig those heels in gal and he will soon get the message

Well said, Uncle.

If you've made your intentions clear, I don't call that ghosting. Ghosting happens with no warning. It sounds to me as though you've done everything you could. Time now to live a life that doesn't include this guy in it. At all.

Yes, her case is not real ghosting.

Ghosting is what league girl said.

It feels like being tossed into prison for an unknown crime. It makes one question every little detail of the doomed friendship that led up to the end of communication.
It's not as severe if the person knows there's a reason for the silence. However, when no clue is given regarding why someone just quits talking, things make no sense.
As for the gender breakdown, I've had cis women, trans women, and one trans man ghost me before.

That NEVER worked for me.